Yep….having experienced divorce myself a couple of times, I was quite interested in what Yahoo’s “Shine” department had to say about some myths about divorce. Perhaps I could learn something.
Then again, there ain’t no way in hell I’m ever getting married again, which basically rules out any chance of me ever getting another divorce. But, maybe those of you who have not experienced this great American tradition, I decided to take a look at what Yahoo said. And, of course, as usual, add my own two cents. Which is basically what I had left over after alimony payments from my own two divorces.
So here’s the “myths” they listed:
1. “One in two marriages ends in divorce.” According to the “National Marriage Project” divorce rates have been dropping. So your chances of being one of those “one in two” have decreased. Or, if you’re still squeamish about being one of those two, you could just skip getting married and play the odds by buying a lottery ticket. You might lose there too, but there’s no alimony or court appearances required. Less painful too if ya ask me.
2. “Living together before marriage lowers the chance of divorce.” Tina B. Tessina, PhD, author of, “Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About The Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage,” says the circumstances under which you decide to move in together make all the difference. “Doesn’t shacking up before “I Do” better prepare you to live with someone after the wedding.” YES….which is why you should always shack up with someone before you say “I Do.” The maid of honor, an old girlfriend, your mother-in-law, (if she’s really hot) or your local hooker. Um…..maybe Tina meant with your future wife…..not sure on that one.
3. “Second marriages are more likely to last than first marriages.” Here are the odds. 67% to 80% of second marriages end in divorce. And third marriages at an even higher rate. I assume the more marriages one has the higher the odds are of getting a divorce because obviously murder is out of the question and divorce is the easiest way out. Unless you know a really good hit man and have a great place to bury bodies.
(years ago during one of my radio broadcasting lulls, I was driving a taxi in a small town where I got to know a lot of people who took a cab. This one woman and I were discussing divorce and marriage and I asked her if she was ever at the point of considering a divorce. She replied: “Actually I had thoughts of killing the SOB by whacking him over the head with a big shovel.” So I asked her why she never did it. Her reply: “I didn’t know where I could bury the body.”)
4. “Divorce is incredibly expensive.” This is a myth, according to the Yahoo article, because we often read stories about celebrities engaged in multi-million dollar divorces. When in actuality the entire bill can be less than $1,000. Silvana D. Raso, a matrimonial and family law attorney, says that if you tend to mediate a resolution rather than having a conflict it is a more affordable route.
My thinking is that if a conflict arises, and you have a lot of bucks the more affordable “route” would be I-95 on the Interstate. Or perhaps the witness protection program after you’ve turned in someone to the Feds. Just tell them you want in on the program but your spouse is NOT included. Is that brilliant or what!
5. “All ex wives get alimony.” This is of course a myth because all ex wives do not necessarily receive alimony which is based on the income of a spouse and the ability of the ex to make those payments as well as if the spouse in question is physically able to find a job that pays as well as his or her’s ex’s. So if both of you were working at, say, like a McDonald’s and raking in the big bucks, it would be considered a draw. Age is a factor as well. Which is why you should never get married to anyone who is working at a McDonald’s or any other fast food place where the average age of employees is 16.
6. “The mother always gets custody of the children.” Unless of course the children are in their 30’s and 40’s.” And they have their own damn jobs. Dr. Tessina says that in today’s society it is the best interest of the child that decides who gets custody. Meaning that ultimately a judge determines which parent the child would be best suited to reside with.
Considering in today’s society children are either returning back to the nest because they can’t make it on their own, it’s probably a better option for either parent to say, “screw it, neither one of us wants the damn freeloaders.”
7. “The U.S.’s divorce rate is higher than every other country’s.” This is another myth according to the “United Nation’s Demographic Yearbook,” (contains no geeky class photos) The U.S. has the sixth-highest divorce rate. Other countries such as Russia, Belarus, Ukraine, Moldova and the Cayman Islands take up the top five spots. Only because there are more animals than people in those countries and the only attractive females are sheep. Sheer them sheep one time and the thrill is gone. My guess anyhow.
Countries where marriages seem to last longer are Brazil, Sri Lanka, and Italy. Most likely because women there out number sheep. Actually, the article says that the reasons marriages last longer in those countries is related to religion and financial stability.
Being Italian myself I can understand the longevity of marriages in at least Italy when it comes to religion and financial stability.
“OH Gawd…..OH Gawd…….geez honeeeee, you were really great in bed tonight!”
“Ohhhhh…..thank you sweetie……um…..can I have a few thousand dollars to go shopping now?”
“Sure babeeee….here ya go.”
Hence……religion and financial stability.
Hey! If it works for Silvio Berlusconi!!!!!
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