Checking My List, Um…Checking It Twice…..Hmmm…..Maybe A Few Times.

Were you naughty or were you nice? Doesn’t matter, I didn’t buy you anything.13866_full-523x550

So tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Have I finished all of my Christmas shopping….NO!

Why? Because it’s really agonizing deciding what to buy for everyone. I’m not like the rest of you normal everyday people who have lists a mile long with relatives and friends you never see anytime during the year but flock to your door at Christmas and hope you bought them something really great.

Same people who come out of the woodwork when ya hit the lottery.

Ya have to follow my rule when it comes to giving Christmas gifts. Which is sometime in November. Piss off as many friends and relatives as you can thereby cutting your gift list down to practically zero. Which ultimately means you have a ton of cash to spend on yourself. Plus…..with everyone pissed off at you, no one visits….hence….the chore of putting up all those decorations. Bah humbug!tree

Now don’t get me wrong here. I love giving Christmas gifts. I just don’t have the cash to give everybody Christmas gifts. I’d actually make something if I were creative enough to make anything, but the only thing I ever learned how to make were pen and pencil holders made out of old toilet paper center cardboard rolls, and it was such a bad year money wise that we didn’t use enough toilet paper to make a bunch of those holders.

Thank Gawd for a lot of leaves this fall.

But I tend to give in other ways. Like writing this stupid blog each and every day. Consider it a damn gift for cripes sake. Where else, besides Fox news can ya get free comedy on a daily basis. Even thought I tend to be unfair and unbalanced. Like Rudolph.thCA5JXPE1

Now my friend Tom has Christmas giving down to a science. Every year he makes his own beef jerky for jerks like me, and a few of his other friends. So we gather at his place, a 8 by 8 foot apartment and gnaw on beef jerky while trying not to gnaw on one another for lack of space. We only stay at his place no longer than 15 minutes due to the lack of oxygen. If more than four people are in there at the same time it becomes toxic. I’m not saying that his place is small, but when he plugs in his electric razor all the lights in town dim. Small town.

Not only that, but every year without fail he insists on dressing up in a Santa Claus outfit. I don’t get it.

TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I myself never ask for anything at Christmas. Except donations to this blog, which no one ever does. Christmas or any other time of the year for that matter. But, that’s ok. I understand everybody’s pinching pennies. But, you’d think a few counterfeiters who make their own money would at least donate a defective hundred-dollar bill or something. HEY! I know I couldn’t use it anywhere……but it’s the thought that counts.

My other half, Ms. Misfit, is pretty good at understanding our situation. Which is poverty. We normally do not exchange gifts only because we can’t afford wrapping paper and sealing tape. So what we do on Christmas Eve is pretend to roast chestnuts by an open fire. (we have a fake fireplace so we use fake chestnuts)

Then I sneak into the other room, put on the sexiest Christmas outfit I have, which consists of a pair of antlers that light up, a fake red nose, and my Fruit of the Loom skivies with Christmas balls on them…um……and in them, and prance out into the living room and yell out, “Merry Christmas Honeeeeee…..here’s your gift!”

At which point, after laughing hysterically, and calling me a damn pervert, goes back to reading one of her books. While I attempt to fight off the cats who think the balls are for them to play with. (OUCH!)

Gotta remind her before Christmas Eve to trim the cats claws.

My house is the only one in the neighborhood with a cat snowman.

My house is the only one in the neighborhood with a cat snowman.

The one thing I DO enjoy doing this time of the year is creating a one of a kind Christmas card. It’s not perfect but I think I’ve got those folks at “Hallmark” beat by a mile. Besides, “Hallmark” doesn’t sell demented cards.  Unless they have a back room in their stores like some video stores have for that x-rated stuff. Might have to check that one out.

Here’s this years MW creation:Image003Image004

HEY! Whaddya want for nothin’!

So Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Felix Navajo….um….sorry, that’s Feliz Navidad. Felix is  Feliz’s Native American cousin.

This calls for a toast………………….(clink)funny-christmas-cartoons-bar-hopping

AND….for anybody I may have missed………………..

Christmas Traditions Around the World

How “Merry Christmas” is said ….. Afrikaans: Geseënde Kersfees
Afrikander: Een Plesierige Kerfees
African/ Eritrean/ Tigrinja: Rehus-Beal-Ledeats
Albanian:Gezur Krislinjden
Arabic: Milad Majid
Argentine: Feliz Navidad
Armenian: Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri: Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Bahasa Malaysia: Selamat Hari Natal
Basque: Zorionak eta Urte Berri On!
Bengali: Shuvo Naba Barsha
Bohemian: Vesele Vanoce
Bosnian: (BOSANSKI) Cestit Bozic i Sretna Nova godina
Brazilian: Feliz Natal
Breton: Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian: Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Catalan: Bon Nadal i un Bon Any Nou!
Chile: Feliz Navidad
Chinese: (Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan’Gung Haw Sun
Chinese: (Mandarin) Sheng Dan Kuai Le
Choctaw: Yukpa, Nitak Hollo Chito
Columbia: Feliz Navidad y Próspero Año Nuevo
Cornish: Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Corsian: Pace e salute
Crazanian: Rot Yikji Dol La Roo
Cree: Mitho Makosi Kesikansi
Croatian: Sretan Bozic
Czech: Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish: Glædelig Jul
Duri: Christmas-e- Shoma Mobarak
Dutch: Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! or Zalig Kerstfeast
English: Merry Christmas
Eskimo: (inupik) Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!
Esperanto: Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian: Rõõmsaid Jõulupühi
Ethiopian: (Amharic) Melkin Yelidet Beaal
Faeroese: Gledhilig jol og eydnurikt nyggjar!
Farsi: Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad
Finnish: Hyvaa joulua
Flemish: Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar
French: Joyeux Noel
Frisian: Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!
Galician: Bo Nada
Gaelic: Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ùr!
German: Fröhliche Weihnachten
Greek: Kala Christouyenna!
Haiti: (Creole) Jwaye Nowel or to Jesus Edo Bri’cho o Rish D’Shato Brichto
Hausa: Barka da Kirsimatikuma Barka da Sabuwar Shekara!
Hawaiian: Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew: Mo’adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi: Shub Naya Baras (good New Year not Merry Christmas)
Hungarian: Boldog Karácsonyt
Icelandic: Gledileg Jol
Indonesian: Selamat Hari Natal
Iraqi: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish: Nollaig Shona Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat
Iroquois: Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson honungradon nagwutut. Ojenyunyat osrasay.
Italian: Buone Feste Natalizie
Japanese: Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Jiberish: Mithag Crithagsigathmithags
Korean: Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Kurdish: Serî sallî nwê pîroz
Lao: souksan van Christmas
Latin: Natale hilare et Annum Faustum!
Latvian: Prieci’gus Ziemsve’tkus un Laimi’gu Jauno Gadu!
Lausitzian:Wjesole hody a strowe nowe leto
Lettish: Priecigus Ziemassvetkus
Lithuanian: Linksmu Kaledu
Low Saxon: Heughliche Winachten un ‘n moi Nijaar
Luxembourgish: Schèine Chreschtdaag an e gudde Rutsch
Macedonian: Sreken Bozhik
Maltese: IL-Milied It-tajjeb
Manx: Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Maori: Meri Kirihimete
Marathi: Shub Naya Varsh (good New Year not Merry Christmas)
Navajo: Merry Keshmish
Norwegian: God Jul, or Gledelig Jul
Occitan: Pulit nadal e bona annado
Papiamento: Bon Pasco
Papua New Guinea: Bikpela hamamas blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu
Pennsylvania German: En frehlicher Grischtdaag un en hallich Nei Yaahr!
Peru: Feliz Navidad y un Venturoso Año Nuevo
Philippines: Maligayang Pasko!
Polish: Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie
Portuguese:Feliz Natal
Pushto: Christmas Aao Ne-way Kaal Mo Mobarak Sha
Rapa-Nui (Easter Island): Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Rhetian: Bellas festas da nadal e bun onn
Romanche: (sursilvan dialect): Legreivlas fiastas da Nadal e bien niev onn!
Rumanian: Sarbatori vesele or Craciun fericit
Russian: Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom
Sami: Buorrit Juovllat
Samoan: La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Sardinian: Bonu nadale e prosperu annu nou
Scots Gaelic: Nollaig Chridheil dhuibh
Serbian: Hristos se rodi.
Singhalese: Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slovak: Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene: Vesele Bozicne Praznike Srecno Novo Leto or Vesel Bozic in srecno Novo leto
Spanish: Feliz Navidad
Swedish: God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt År
Tagalog: Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon
Tamil: (Tamizh) Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal (good New Year not Merry Christmas)
Trukeese: (Micronesian) Neekiriisimas annim oo iyer seefe feyiyeech!
Thai: Sawadee Pee Mai or souksan wan Christmas
Turkish: Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian: Z Rizdvom Khrystovym or S rozhdestvom Kristovym
Urdu: Naya Saal Mubarak Ho (good New Year not Merry Christmas)
Vietnamese: Chuc Mung Giang Sinh
Welsh: Nadolig Llawen
Yoruba: E ku odun, e ku iye’dun!

I think I covered all my bases there. Unless some country recently got overthrown, changed its name and is not on this list.

Hey….don’t laugh….it once happened to Constantinople…..now Istanbul. I think right around Christmas time too……screwed up a lot of Christmas card mailings.

http://youtu.be/IqJXxHi6RwQ

And, just in case you WERE really naughty, there’s still hope………………..Landers_Xmas_Prison_cell

Tune in tomorrow folks for the annual MisfitWisdom tradition of Clement Clarke Moore’s “Twas The Night Before Christmas.” Um….altered a tad by yours truly.

Not that Moore’s wasn’t already a classic, but who the hell walks around today using words like, “Twas?”

(DONATE)  Ah yes. (I’ll use it) “Twas” the night before Christmas and I’m still posting the MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link. Gotta give me credit for persistence in constant futility. If the link is not highlighted, (blue) or in Christmas lights, simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Just think…….you don’t even have to spend time wrapping up your donations. How easy is THAST!

Donations since January 2009 AD and many past Christmases……..( 1 )

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=TXAB994HPT6X6

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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