Geez…..here it is December 21st, the day those stinkin’ long gone off of the face of the Earth Mayans predicted that the world would end. I’m not sure if I’m here or not. I mean, I feel like I’m here, but I can’t be quite sure. The world could have actually ended and I could be imagining all this. I could actually be in limbo. And I’m not talkin’ Chubby Checker’s limbo here.
Then again, if the world ended how could I imagine anything? Maybe it did end and I AM imagining this.
But, I just pricked my finger and it hurt. So, does that mean that if I felt pain that the world didn’t end and I’m alive?
“ALIVE I TELL YA!!! ALIVE!!!” (scene from “Young Frankenstein”)
WAIT! I know. I’ll call somebody and see if they answer their phone. Surely if they’re alive they’ll answer the phone and then I’ll know for sure that I’m not imagining that I’m alive.
(calling my friend Tom)
“Hello, you’ve reached Tom. If I didn’t answer my phone I’m either in the other room and didn’t hear the phone ring, I’m in the bathroom, or still stoned from last night. Please leave a message after the tone….”beep.”
OMG! Tom lives in an apartment with two freakin’ rooms. How the hell can he not hear the damn phone ring? Cripes….maybe the world did end. Damn!
OK, OK….don’t panic. Um…..ok, I’ll call my other friend Bob. He’s always within reach of his phone.
Oh Noooooooo. Where the hell is he?
WAIT! He has one of those “Magic Jack” thingys and it works 1% of the time when I call him. So maybe that’s it. It’s not working this time. Yeah, that’s it…it’s not working.
Damn! How can I be absolutely sure the World didn’t end today? I only have two friends on the entire face of the Earth. And that’s not because I’m not a nice guy, it’s just that everyone else I know is allergic to cats, and I have five of them, so they tend to avoid having anything to do with me lest their allergies kick up. Wimps.
Hmmm. Gotta think this out. I DO have dial tone on my phone. But that really doesn’t mean anything. Could be that I’m imagining that too. Cable TV works and they’re saying the World didn’t end, but, I could be imagining that too. My other half asked me to take out the trash, but, I could be imagining that too.
On second thought, maybe not.
Damn! How can I be sure. I don’t wanna waste some good time being dead and all by writing a blog for tomorrow if no ones gonna be around to read it. I could either be in a state of limbo while the powers that be decide what to do with me. Like getting a neat set of wings and a flowing white robe. Or…..a pitchfork, horns, tail and a pack of cigarettes…..don’t need any matches there.
This is driving me nuts. Nuts I tell ya.
WAIT! What’s that old saying. The only guarantees in life are death and taxes. YES! That’s it. I can prove the world didn’t end. HAH!
“OMG….you answered the phone……thank Gawd!”
“Yes sir, we always answer the phone here…..it’s part of our job.”
“OMG! OMG! Thank you…oh….thank you!” (laughing hysterically)
“Sir, who is this and why are you calling?”
“Oh….heh, heh, sorry, I’m just soooo happy you answered the phone and the World didn’t end today. I’m Misfit and I live here in town and just needed to hear another human voice to validate the fact that we’re all still alive.”
“Oh…..Misfit…yes, the World did not end today. And, just a subtle reminder from your friends here at the Town Hall, your property taxes are due on the 1st so make sure you mail out the check to us here at the town hall.”
“YES….YES…..TAXES! YES! We ARE still alive. The world didn’t end. What more proof do I need other than THAT!
Cripes……maybe it wouldn’t have been such a bad idea if the World had ended after all……………(sigh)
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) the color I am right now after learning that my taxes are still due, simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. HEY! I figured the Mayans were right and the World was going to end so I didn’t save any money for taxes, so help me out here will ya!
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