Now don’t get me wrong here folks. I’m not in a state of panic because all those doom and gloom people are shoving this end of the world stuff down our throats. Nope, I’m not gonna panic. And, I have a number of reasons why I’m not going to worry one single iota about this Mayan prediction.
First and foremost, I’m too freakin’ old to worry about it. I figure it this way. At my age if the world ends on the 21st no big deal. I’m well up there in years so how much time could I possibly have left anyhow? If the world doesn’t end on Friday, at some point I’m gonna buy the ol farm anyhow. Not that I’m particularly looking forward to leaving this planet anytime soon mind you, but I’m smart enough to know that it’s part of getting old and if I haven’t hit the Powerball jackpot by now, then damn, “Beam Me Up” for cripes sake.
I’ve been playing Powerball for eons and the most I’ve ever won was twenty bucks. So, I’m ready to give up on it anyhow. And on top of that, no one, cept for one kind guy, ever donates to my blog. Which I always thought were better odds than hitting Powerball. Damn!
My first choice is to venture over to my local casino on the 21st and just wait for whatever it is that’s supposed to happen. Like a giant meteorite slamming into Earth. Or a huge tidal wave sweeping across the planet. Or rabid locusts who haven’t had a decent meal in a month or so swarming down on all of us and having a really good feast. Or a freak Nor’easter somehow forms in outer space and it rains on the Sun thereby extinguishing the Sun entirely and we all freeze to death. Or, Donald Trump buys the entire World with all of his millions and fires us all.
In the event any of those scenarios happens, I figured that I’d rather buy the farm at the casino. Only because I’m too poor to actually play a slot machine any longer than 5 minutes with my free slot play they give us every week, ($10) and I’m usually outta there in two minutes flat.
So, if a giant catastrophe hits us on Friday, I’m gonna be sitting in front of a five dollar slot machine just waiting for the exact moment whatever it is that’s gonna happen to happen.
My theory is this. When all hell breaks loose there will obviously be all kinds of panic setting in everywhere. Including the casino. Screaming and yelling and people running all over the place dropping huge amounts of cash all over the casino floor as they run screaming and in a state of panic.
That’s where I, with my “Dirt Buster” portable vacuum scoff up all that cash and head for that $5 dollar slot machine. I’m thinking thousands of dollars here folks. Just laying all over the place with no one really giving a rats ass about….cept me. Cause I’m not gonna panic.
I figure with all that cash my odds at hitting a jackpot on a five dollar machine are pretty good. But there’s another factor that comes into play as well. Besides playing that slot machine.
Like if it’s really a total wipeout and things start crashing all around me and those slot machines get crushed to smithereens. But, I have a plan if that’s the case. Yep….head to the casino money room where they stash all the winnings, the casino winnings of course, and lock myself in that room and just roll round in all that money. Geez….what a way to go.
Of course, if none of that happens, or if it isn’t that bad and we all survive, then I’m basically screwed and they’ll haul my butt off for breaking into the cash room. So I’ve got to play the odds here. Considering the casino deals in “odds” what better place to play the odds.
So here’s the plan. Wake up early on the morning of the 21st to prepare for whatever. Damn, you’d think those Mayan’s would have at least indicated a time all this end of the world stuff would happen. I’d at least like to have my morning coffee at home.
But, not being too sure of the time, I’m simply gonna go over at midnight, just to be on the safe side, and plop myself in front of a one cent machine and play a penny at a time. Just to kill time mind you, and also not to appear too suspicious. Carrying a couple of duffel bags, a vacuum and a big shovel may arouse suspicion. Gotta be careful there.
So I figure I can play for the entire 24 hours on the 21st until the big one hits, or until Saturday, when it’s all clear. Considering I’ve never received any substantial donations on this blog or ever hit Powerball really big, chances are I’ll be winging it back home on Saturday morning all in one piece and broke as usual.
However, if the big one does hit, and those Mayans were right, and I’m lying on the casino floor rolling in dough, I’m gonna go down in a blaze of glory with a bigggg smile on my face frozen solid with hundred-dollar bills clutched in one hand and the other hand flipping the bird. Just in case anyone finds me…..most likely the Mayan’s, who left Earth many eons ago and this end of the world stuff is their doing. And now it’s time for them to say, “Screw it, let’s cancel this Earth experiment thing.”
Which was to see if humans can actually survive on Earth and get along with one another.
Which we all know is an impossibility. Which is why the Mayan’s are ending their Earth experiment on Friday.
(DONATE) In my continuing exercise in futility, the MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. If I receive any really huge donations between now and the 21st I might alter my casino plans for Friday and just order a huge neon sign, put it up on my roof and leave it lit for the entire 24 hours on Friday. It’ll say, “Hey Mayans….me and Ms. Misfit just changed our names to “Adam and Eve Misfit.” We’re ready to volunteer for your next experiment on another planet. Hey….worth a shot.
Donations since January 2009 AD and before the Mayans………….(1 )
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV
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