If there’s one thing that will piss off any Mafia type hit man it’s when you have a car that has a defective trunk lever. Man, that just ruins your day…..or night.
And, Toyota, completely understanding that any respectable Mafia hit man needs a full operational trunk release lever has alerted 700,000 Lexus owners that over the last several years there has been a problem with emergency trunk release levers.
There was no mention as to how many of those 700,000 Lexus owners were Mafia hit men. But, considering that trunks are the best place to hide any body that you may have just whacked, the odds are that many of those Lexus owners were Mafia type guys and most likely they sent letter to Toyota demanding that the levers be fixed.
Deer Toyota guys:
My name is Innunzio Balagambadda. I woik for a livin’ doin’ odds and end type errands for a family dat employs me to do, um, er….odds and ends errands. Over da past several years ah been havin’ trouble wid da trunk release lever on my Lexus.
So here’s da problem. I go out and do an errand for my family, you know, like filla da trunk with garbage and stuff that da family wants to get rid of. Oh yeah, nice trunk space by da way. Really appreciate the roomy area.
Anyhow, on somea family errands when I hafta load dis garbage into da trunk I do nota want da garbage to escape whilist I’m drivin’ down some dark road in da countryside, like late at night, which is when I do mosta my errands, and den get pulled over by some hick cop for litterin’ the road. So I cut the wire to da emergency trunk release, um, just in case some piece of garbage happens to hit da release button and da trunk flies open. Ya know what I mean.
So I likea read your story in da newspaper dat yer gonna fix dat problem. Tanks. Appreciate dat. But my question is dis. Can I still use my Lexus trunka release button dat opens da trunk from my driver’s seat widout leavin’ da car? Youse isn’t talkin’ about problems wid dat button are ya?
Ya see guys, in my line of work, gettin’ garbage in and outta my Lexus trunk kinda fast is crucial. I only have a certain amount of time to dump da garbage in a landfill somewhere and get the hell outta dere. Um…it’s a ting wid me. You know, I’m ona time clock type of job here and time is money. Biga money if youse know what ah mean.
Besides that, most of my errands are done late at night so that, um……er……oh yeah, because da landfill is less crowded at that time, and because of da stinkin’ rat type vermin that hang out at dumps, so I don’t wanna get bitten or somethin.’ So if I just release dat trunk lever from inside of my car, run outside, grab da rolled up rug, um..er…..I meant garbage bag, and dump it quickly, I can be outta dere in two seconds flat.
So I would appreciate a quick response to my letter wid regard to any problems dat you might have with the trunk release lever in my Lexus.
In da meantime, I’ll just use my families Cadillac for dose quick errands.
Yours very truly and humbly,
Innunzio Balagambadda Esq.
For any of you Mafia type guys who run a lot of family errands, the Lexus models with the trunk lever problem are, 2007-2013 ES mid-size sedans, 2006-2012 Lexus IS cars and the 2013 Lexus GS sedan.
Note to any Mafia guys. If you are planning to take your Lexus to the dealer to have the trunk lever fixed make sure that after you have completed your errands you remember to remove all traces of garbage, rolled up rugs, empty cement bags, lime, and anything that resembles catsup.
No Lexus repair mechanic likes to work on a messy car trunk.
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