Ya know, it’s not as easy as you think writing a daily blog. Oh sure, all of you think it’s a piece of cake. Well I’ve got news for you Einsteins.
Unless you live with a woman who’s totally untrainable when it comes to “Murphy’s Law.” You know that old saying, “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” It’s scientifically proven.
Now let me fill you in on how this particular blog came to be.
I was simply asked by my other half to indulge in a friendly game of gin, which, we usually do a few times a week because we can’t afford to do anything else. It’s called “poverty.”
Anyhow, I usually beat the pants off of her and she gets all bent outta shape. Really bent outta shape. She blames my attitude and playing style for her attitude. Actually it’s called cheating……I’m only kidding.
Ok, so like I hold onto my cards, wait till she scoops up the entire deck, and then I go out catching her with a gazillion points in her hand. What the hell is wrong with that. Its stratgey….my stratgey….which I try to implant in her brain, but she refuses to accept.
So the other night, knowing damn well she might lose yet another game, she still sat down for her, as she calls it, “nightly punishment.”
I usually say to her, “Why not just let me slap your face a few times.” Same effect and its over quickly rather than endure the pain of sitting there for a half hour and losing.
So anyhow, halfway through the game I’m beating her badly and she just can’t take it anymore. Throws her cards down and stomps away.
Now this is where the “Murphy’s Law” effect takes place folks. You know, anything that can go wrong, will. And it did. And I blame this not only on “Murphy’s Law” but my own law….which is, “Misfit’s Law,” which is, “when you’re pissed off, do not try to do anything normal.” I knew “she” was really ticked off, so I thought I’d play it cool, not say nothing, and simply put dinner together.
Case in point.
Prepare supper on a flat griddle. Crack egg over griddle, watch it slide off griddle into the catch tray, pull out catch tray and place egg back on griddle, watch egg slide off once again onto the counter and then catapult itself to the floor. Observe other half snickering.
Once things are once again under control and new eggs have been secured, its time to add salt and pepper. However, I like crushed red pepper on my eggs, and just about everything else, (red pepper is the essence of life…..next to sex) so I take the cap off of the pepper and attempt to sprinkle it on the eggs………….not knowing…….that there is no sifter cap….which……allows me to dump the entire contents of the pepper onto the egg. So much so, that you can’t even see the egg….just a pile of crushed red pepper.
Other half in background hanging over a counter top laughing.
Now the “Murphy’s Law” part comes into effect again.
What could possibly make this the worst supper ever conceived in history? With a bit of revenge added in just for good measure.
THAT happens when she attempts to remove sausage patties from the microwave while snickering and they take on a life of their own, leap off of the plate and onto the floor.
So we stewed during the remainder of the night in silence, (eating bowls of Frosted Flakes)both pissed off at the other while the cats enjoyed a good meal of eggs and sausage. All this taking place because of a stupid card game. Which I reminded her was a stupid card game and she in turn mentioned how stupid I was to screw up supper.
But do ya think she learned from this episode? Do ya think she learned not to make fun of someone when things go wrong? Do ya think she, or any woman for that matter, would have just kept quiet, perhaps thinking, “geez…..I might screw up some day and get it back double-barreled.” Nope!
She’s untrainable….honest. I think her motto may be, “do unto others, and then…cut out.”
Now guys, if you live with a woman like this, keep in mind it’s only a matter of time before they screw up and you get to zap them back. Trust me on this one. It never fails.
So what I did was keep track of all the stupid stuff she did over the course of a few weeks and came up with this list.
1. Getting all dressed up for a doctor’s appointment and then discovering she had the wrong freakin’ day. Ha, ha ,ha, ha, ha!
2. Borrowing my pickup truck that has a stick shift with five speeds and being unable to find four of them thereby stalling at a red light while other motorists honked at her. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
3. At least once a week losing one of my socks in the laundry and having no damn idea where the hell it went and then coming up with the lame explanation that it must have been sucked up the dryer vent and is laying in the yard. Ha, ha, ha, ha ha!
4. At least 3 to 4 times a week misplacing things, accusing me of moving them just to drive her nuts, and then finding them and saying to herself…oops. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
At which point, after I’m done laughing, say to her, “before you make fun of someone else, remember……it could only be a short time before something happens to bite you right back in the butt.”
God I love Murphys Law.
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