It wasn’t so bad back a few months ago when the first stories about this being the year that those Mayan people predicted that the world would end. Didn’t bother me back then. Cripes, back a few months ago who the hell was gonna worry about stuff like that when the birds were chirping, flowers were blooming, bees were buzzing and the political side-show was in full swing. Not me!
So now it’s December and there’s a little over two weeks before we’re all supposed to be doomed. And….can ya find a damn Mayan ANYWHERE on the face of the earth just to ask him, or her, where the hell they came up with this doom and gloom theory. NO!
I mean, geez, even “I” have relatives dating back to the time Christopher Columbus discovered America. Not that I’ve researched this, but if I did, I’m sure one of my ancestors would pop up somewhere. Like a rat exterminater on the Nina, Pinta or Santa Maria. After all, aren’t we all connected to the past in some way?
So, where the hell are the relatives of those Mayans? Come on now. Can’t somebody with some connections, and an “Ancestry.com” account, track down if perhaps an ancient Mayan has ancestors living in New York or somewhere. How damn hard can that be? Might even want to check those Ellis Island records just to see if a Mayan might have immigrated to the U.S. from wherever it is they rented houses and apartments many eons ago.
According to “Wikipedia,” the on-line encyclopedia of stuff that you really don’t give a rats ass about, but on occasion, usually boredom, you look up just to amuse yourself, the Mayans were usually hanging around parts of Mexico like Chiapas, Tobasco, (where I assume Tobasco sauce comes from) and parts of the Yucatan Peninsula. So how hard could it be to find some relative of a Mayan today?
Maybe it’s so hard because none of the Mayans relatives want to be constantly badgered by people asking them what the hell they were thinking when they predicted the world would come to an end.
This is what I found on the Internet with regard to what exactly the Mayans said. Of course, it’s all Greek, or Mayan to me, but maybe you can figure it all out.
Mayan Calender “Both the Hopis and Mayans recognize that we are approaching the end of a World Age… In both cases, however, the Hopi and Mayan elders do not prophesy that everything will come to an end. Rather, this is a time of transition from one World Age into another. The message they give concerns our making a choice of how we enter the future ahead. Our moving through with either resistance or acceptance will determine whether the transition will happen with cataclysmic changes or gradual peace and tranquility. The same theme can be found reflected in the prophecies of many other Native American visionaries from Black Elk to Sun Bear.” — Joseph Robert JochmansI
I read it and said to myself….WTF! Can’t anybody write something in plain English anymore? Like…..YOU’RE ALL GONNA FREAKIN’ DIE!!!!”
I could actually comprehend THAT Mayan message rather than that Hopi and Mayan gobbledygook about a transition from one “World Age” into another. What the hell does THAT mean?
Unless it means that when you die you’re automatically put into that “transition mode.” You know, like when people experience that bright light and seeing other relatives they know just before being revived from a near death experience.
YES! That’s it! Transitioned from one “World Age” into another! Eureka! I’ve figured it all out.
That’s where all those missing Mayans are. They all had near death experiences, and, because obviously medical science hadn’t perfected those zapper thingys they use on you when your heart stops, as they do today, (I learned this from watching too many episodes of “ER”) a lot of Mayans bought the farm, or in their case, grass hut lots, and made it to that new “World Age” place. Most likely on some other planet we haven’t discovered yet.
Or some secret place in New Jersey.
I know. You’re all thinking this is a bunch of malarkey. (Joe Biden word) But think about it. Has a Mayan body EVER been found? Are there ANY Mayan cemeteries?
Um…..actually there are, but not a lot of them. And those that were discovered were buried under their homes. Most likely Mayans that either missed out on the transition process, were trying to avoid bill collectors and stalling for time until it was transition time but missed out because it happened while they were in hiding, or, they were actually very un desirable Mayans and were buried there by other Mayans because they didn’t want them to be part of the transition to the new “World Age.” My guess anyhow.
But suppose that’s what all this end of the world stuff is all about. What if having a near death experience is actually what the Mayans were trying to tell us. Maybe when the 21st rolls around we’re all gonna have near death experiences and, rather than getting zapped in the ER, we should just let ourselves be transitioned.
HEY! If you get it wrong when you’re having a near death experience and told them not to zap you, and you actually do die rather than being transitioned to where the rest of the Mayans are, who the hell is gonna know…..cept for you….if you actually do get transitioned.
So basically I’m just not going to worry about this any longer. I think my theory is pretty much solid. I’m ready for the 21st.
Just one thing though.
If I’m right, and the world ends on the 21st, and when ya die you automatically get transitioned to that new “World Age,” are ya transported there at the same age you were when you died, or do you start all over again straight outta the womb?
If it’s the latter….I’m ready,
If it’s the same age as I am now, considering I’m freakin’ way over the hill, forget it!
What the freak am I gonna do in a “New World Age” except what I’m already doing right here?
Which is collecting Social Security, enduring old age aches and pains, bored outta my tree watching reruns on TV, taking care of cats, and on occasion hiding out under my house avoiding bill collectors……………………………like those other Mayans.
Which I’ll also be doing on December 21st…………..jusssst in case we’re all going to be transitioned the same time.
Hey…..I don’t wanna be the only one left here ya know.
(Being an ex disc jockey, I love to insert various songs into these blogs that connect to what I’m writing about. But, sometimes, other than the Skeeter Davis song above, there’s one that I like to slip in just for the hell of it. This one (below) by “Everything is Everything,” is what I thought the Mayans would sound like if they were into Karoke or something. HEY..ya never know. They were kinda talented.)
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