There’s been a lot of news stories this past week on something called the “filibuster.” Because this is obviously one of the top stories that you’re following in the news, and are just clamoring for more information on it. I felt it was my duty to fill you in on everything that’s happening with regard to filibustering…..as filibustering goes.
First of all. Do not confuse a “filibuster” with “Phineas T. Bluster.” I know, it’s very easy to just assume that Mr. Bluster is responsible for filibustering. Not so.
Phineas T. Bluster, although doing a lot of blustering in his day, maybe even some filibustering, or just some plain old bluster stuff, as he was noted for on the old “Howdy Doody Show,” has nothing to do with the filibustering problem which is about to come to a head in Washington.
Sometimes ya just have to make these things perfectly clear. Lest an innocent puppet get blamed for raising all kinds of hell on the floor of Congress. Which is where filibusters take place, with no puppet strings attached, although I can’t be too sure about that. The strings attached part.
One more point just in case you can’t grasp the concept of a filibuster and still think there’s some connection between Mr. Bluster, Howdy Doody and Congress. I understand that some of you may need visual aids with which to grasp the concept of a filibuster, so, with that in mind, go rent, “Mr. Smith Goes To Washington,” (1939) starring Jimmy Stewart, save this blog until after you’ve seen the movie, and then, perhaps, you might understand all this filibuster stuff.
If you still don’t, take the movie back to the rental store and rent “Deep Throat.” Same concept but more entertaining.
Ok. So for those of you who haven’t given today’s blog the deep six, here’s what a filibuster is. It is when a minority party in the Senate attempts to kill or slow legislation they oppose by standing up and talking for hours and hours to hold things up in the hope that everybody (other Senators) will eventually drop dead from boredom or commit Hari Kari. Thus the legislation never sees the day of light.
“Sooooo Senator Blowhard…how long has Senator Brainfart been filibusterin’ on the floor now?”
“Hmmm. My best calculation is that it’s been three days, two hours and forty-five minutes.”
“OMG! I’ve had it. What say you and I just end it all and shoot each other.”
“Nah….way too messy. I’ve got a better idea.”
“Let’s you and I pull a Julius Caesar, stab the motherf****r to death, and get the hell outta here.”
“Hmmm…..do ya think we could get away with that?”
Democrats and Republicans are going to go head to head, possibly feet as well, in an attempt to either get rid of the filibuster or save it. Democrats are for dumping it so that the ability for any Senator to block votes will no longer be an option by using the filibuster tactic.
Republicans on the other hand, or foot, will argue that banning filibusters is totally unfair and Speaker John Boehner says that he will ignore bills in the Senate if Democrats limit the use of the filibuster.
Which then means that besides the filibuster problem, if Boehner ignores bills, nothing will get paid. The electricity could be shut off, and there will be no solution to the filibuster problem. If ya don’t pay the bills, you know damn well the utility company is going to shut off the power to the Senate. Can’t argue about filibusters if you don’t have any lights and can’t see if Boehner keeps his word and ignores all those bills.
I’m of course assuming that when Boehner said he’s going to ignore bills sent to him by the Democrats he was obviously referring to utility bills. Which could also mean that other bills may not get paid as well. Like the cable TV bills, telephone, heat, KFC and Taco Bell food delivery bills. (can’t argue filibusters on an empty stomach ya know) And the worst of it all is that it could shut down Congress entirely if no one pays the plumbing bills.
Yes….plumbing bills. Do you have any idea how serious not paying THAT bill could be?
Think about it folks.
If Boehner doesn’t pay any bills sent to him by the Democrats, including the most important plumber’s bill, with all the s**t Congress expels on a weekly basis no one’s gonna want to remain on the Senate floor to argue about filibusters.
With the exception of flys and Mr. Bluster.
One of which is used to the s**t factor and the other made out of wood.
Which could also explain why nothing ever gets accomplished in Congress.
S**T for brains by a bunch of blockheads.
Certainly hope this history lesson explained it all to you folks.
Um…..can I borrow your copy of “Deep Throat” when you’re finished?
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