Like everybody else who has a lot of useless time on their hands, like sitting in a doctor’s office staring at other sick people or that segment in time I call, “The Twilight Zone,” which is that period of time from 7 PM to 8 PM when there’s nothing but useless inane programming on television, I like to zone out and sit back and do a crossword puzzle.
Now first of all, I’m not a freakin’ wordsmith. I actually have to use “spell check” when writing these blogs so that I don’t look like a complete idiot. Not that writing these blogs doesn’t put me in that category anyhow, as I can attest to by some of the comments I get in “Sodahead,” but misspelling a word makes me look even more like an idiot.
As an example of some of the inane comments one gets on “Sodahead” here’s a bright light bulb that responded to my post a few days ago about Angus T. Jones and his comments regarding “Two and a Half Men.” In that post you may recall that I asked if Jones was nuts for criticizing the show considering he’s “working” on that show and has made $6 million dollars doing so. Here’s that comment:
But, I tend to take those comments with a grain of salt…….sprinkled around the edge of a glass containing a Margarita. Works for me. By the way, I responded to this comment by saying that Jones was “working” on that show, getting “paid” for being on that show, made that “$6 million dollars,” and if the writer of this comment said the same thing to “his” boss do ya think he’d be in a job very long. He never responded. As is usually the case when you make a valid point on “Sodahead.”
Anyhow, getting back to crossword puzzles. As I said, they drive me “nucking futs.” Who the hell in their right mind thinks that the average person knows some of the stuff they put in those puzzles. For instance. Here’s a few of my Sunday’s puzzle questions.
“Julius Caesar’s first wife.” How the freak would anyone, unless their last name is Einstein, or had an affair with Caesar’s wife know her damn name? So, I attempted to guess, and simply came up with, “Mrs. Caesar.”
For the record, ol Julie was married three times. But his first wife’s name was Cornelia.
Just in case one of those crossword creators come up with the idea to ask you who Julius’ other two wives were, here they are. Wife number two, “Pompeia.” Wife number three, “Calpurnia.” Beyond that, I have no freakin’ idea if Julius finally got the marriage thing right, most likely not, considering at some point he made a move on Cleopatra. Not sure if it was after he married those other three women or later.
Doesn’t really matter in the scope of things however if you also take into consideration a bunch of his old pals killed him before he could screw around with some other woman and we’d all have to figure out what the hell her name was in another crossword puzzle.
By the way. Has actor Ceasar Romero been spelling his first name wrong all these years or is it Julius that’s got it wrong?
Next question in the puzzle. “Hear bird on record player.” WTF is with that? When has anyone ever heard a bird on a record player. Yes, I know. It’s a play on words to get your brain jump started. Hey! I don’t need my brain jump started. All I wanna do is enjoy a damn puzzle. Perhaps if I heard a bird on a record player I’d know what the hell they were talking about. But, I only have CD’s and a iPod for cripes sake.
Here’s another one. Obviously very easy…….for some brainiac. “Mozart’s —- fan tutte.” Now do I look like someone who knows what the heck Mozart did behind closed doors with his “fan tutte?” I don’t care about his sex life for Gawds sake. But I was curious enough to look it up, being the pervert that I am, and it turns out it’s the title of one of his compositions with the first part of it the answer to the puzzle. Which was the word, “Cosi.” .
But, who in their right mind would know that? Unless you were into Mozart, or hung around with him, and maybe Julius Caesar and his wife at some local bar watching a Mozart concert, and just happened to remember that.
Can ya see where I’m going with this folks? If I wanted THIS much aggravation I’d simply take my IRS tax forms with me to the doctor’s office and enjoy filling those out there instead of doing crossword puzzles. Don’t find any reference to Julius, Mozart and his wife in those forms.
Finally, there’s those words that no one, except Alan Greenspan and Charles Kraulthammer ever use that the rest of us have no freakin’ clue what they mean. Like this one, “reprobates.”
Obviously, being not of sane mind and body, my first conclusion was that reprobates meant that you went to court and reprobated something or other. I thought of this because usually the word “probate” has to do with courts. No, not the tennis ones.
So, I looked it up. Reprobates means: “Having lost all sense of duty: depraved: a depraved or profligate person. (obviously a person who creates crossword puzzles) Don’t EVEN ask me what the hell “profligate” means. And I’m not looking it up either. You do it!
Crosswords are supposed to be a relaxing form of stimulating one’s mind as well as a form of entertainment. But when it comes to stimulating my mind to the point of wanting to scream out #^%$#@!! at who ever makes these puzzles up, then I’d rather sit in a doctor’s office staring at other people and attempting to figure out if they’re serial killers, or watching mindless TV and trying to figure out if the same people who give us all mindless TV do so because they’re fed up with crossword puzzles too.
Most likely the latter considering you never see any words like “profligate” or Caesar’s wife on any of those shows. Excluding Sid Ceaser’s wife. Or Ceaser Romero’s wife. Neither of which I know the name of and have never seen in a crossword puzzle.
Until later this week when that guy who makes up those puzzles sees it in this blog and decides to put it in his puzzle.
I’m prepared though. heh, heh.
Sid Ceaser and Ceaser Ronero’s wives names were Mrs. Ceaser and Mrs. Romero.
I’m not as stoopid as ya think.
For instance……I figured out the missing two letters in this puzzle below in 2 seconds flat!Anybody knows the missing two letters are “H” and “I”….duh!
Um……maybeeeee not. Did I miss something here. Rats!
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