Twinkies May Become Mexican!!!! Dios Mio!!!!!!!

Thnx to Ed Achorn (Providence Journal) for posting this on Facebook. Only reporters have access to Twinkie Mafia funerals.

“Donde esta el bano!!!!!!!”

Um….either that means in Mexican that I’m totally blown away that “Twinkies” may be sold to a Mexican company, or, it means “where is the bathroom.” I’m not quite sure. I was never good at speaking Mexican. Which is why I never visit Mexico or a Taco Bell.

According to an article by Adrian Carrasquillo, (have no idea who this guy is) who got his information from the “Christian Science Monitor,” whose job is to monitor Christians, and “Twinkies,” a Mexican company called, “Mexico’s Grupo Bimbo” has the inside track on bidding for the “Twinkies” brand.

I’m personally worried that the word “bimbo” appears in their name. Only because it conjures up images of bimbos hawking “Twinkies” on Mexican streets. That, and the possibility of Americans now doing reverse immigration by jumping that huge six-foot fence in Arizona separating the U.S. and Mexico just to get a “Twinkie” fix.

This is either a photo of the Mexican Grupo bakery company truck, or, hookers in Mexico have cut a two-for-one deal when patrons secure their services.

“Hey meester. You wanna havea good time?”

“Um…sure….whaddya got in mind.”

“Well, for a mere few pesos we can go to my place and peeg out on some Twinkies.”

Yes, hookers will make out, (pun on words there) big time when people jump the fence at the border just to have their way with some Twinkies, and those hookers. U.S. companies better jump in on the bidding quickly before it’s too late.

I knew this was gonna happen the minute they started to make Twinkies in Mexico.

Other companies such as “Little Debbie,” “ConAgra,” and “Flowers Food” have also expressed a desire to get it on with Twinkies. But, according to Adrian’s article, as I mentioned, “Grupo Bimbo” has the edge.

Now “Grupo Bimbo” is the world’s largest bread baking firm, which already owns parts of “Sara Lee,” “Entenmann’s,” and “Thomas English Muffins.” Which may explain the reason why after eating any of those products you have the sudden urge to speak Mexican. Or have a sudden craving for a burrito with a muffin and a slice of coffee cake for dessert.

The owner of “Grupo Bimbo,” the Mexican baking company and  NOT a bunch of Mexican street walkers, is Daniel Servitje Muntell, and his family is worth about $4 billion tacos. Oops….sorry….that should read, $4 billion dollars.

Presently Muntell has a pretty good market share on Mexico’s tortilla market as well as white bread in Latin America. And, as we all know, control the tortilla and white bread market and you control the world.

“Soooo Pedro……whaddya say we order another round of Tequila and some Twinkies.”

Just remember the tortilla and white bread war of 1649. After it was all over there was nothing left but bread and tortilla crumbs. Very devastating. Except for the Mexican bird population which seemed to thrive on the spoils of war.

If Grupo Bimbo manages to pull off that deal with “Hostess” for “Twinkies” we could all once again breathe a sigh, (a Mexican one) of relief that we will be able to gorge ourselves on “Hostess Cupcakes” and “Twinkies” courtesy of the Bimbo Bakery, the Bimbo Bakery employees, and perhaps a few bimbos who might be employed as bakers. Ya never know.

So, perhaps the Mayan’s were wrong after all. Maybe they weren’t predicting the end of the world on December 2ist. Maybe THEY invented the “Twinkie” and when they saw that their supply of “Twinkie” ingredients needed to manufacture “Twinkies” was running out, they figured the end of the world was coming so they abruptly ended keeping track of the days and months on their own calendars, which obviously was up to the 21st, which is when they’d run out of “Twinkies,” and said, “Screw it. If we can’t make “Twinkies” anymore what’s the sense of living.” Makes sense to me.

Of course they never imagined that if they had simply consulted some Mayan bimbos, who knew various dessert recipes, they could have possibly saved themselves from extinction. The irony of it all.

So, we may all be saved from extinction after all if someone, most likely that Mexican Grupo company, buys the rights to manufacture “Hostess Cup Cakes” and “Twinkies” from the “Hostess” company.

Which solves many problems.

Our sweet tooth desire for “Twinkies” and “Hostess Cup Cakes.”  The relief that we don’t have to worry that the world will end on December 21st. And Mexican’s attempting to cross over the border in Arizona just to get “Twinkies” and “Hostess Cup Cakes,” in the United States.

“Geez Martha….all I want is a freakin’ Twinkie for cripes sake!”

As former President Ronald Reagan was once quoted as saying to the people in Arizona, “Governor Brewer…..tear down that wall.”

I think he actually said that…..or it was, “Donde esta el bano.”

Which DOES mean, “Where is the bathroom.”

(UPDATE)

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (AP) — Twinkies will live to see another day.

Hostess Brands Inc. and its second largest union agreed on Monday to try to resolve their differences after a bankruptcy court judge noted that the parties hadn’t gone through the critical step of private mediation. That means the maker of the spongy cake with the mysterious cream filling won’t go out of business yet.

Tune in again tomorrow folks for the continuing saga of “WTF Is Goin On With Twinkies?”

 

 

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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