Perverts Are Giving Sex and Apples A Bad Rap…..WTF!

“So look Eve. It’s this way. Adam gets the blame for sex for taking a bite outta that apple and you and I can get off serpent….um…..get off scott free by just eating this here banana……whaddya say honeeeee?”

Ya know, it’s bad enough that us guys always get a bad rap when it comes to sex. Yeah sure, we constantly think about it 23 out of the 24 hours in a day, in deference to women, who think about it 3 out of 365 days a year. But that’s because of that huge scandal back in the Garden of Eden many eons ago.

Sure, go ahead and blame it on the serpent. I’m not quite sure who it was that was tempted. Either Adam or Eve got sucked into taking that first bite out of that forbidden apple, and it all went down hill from there. Not that they needed any help from that stupid serpent, because they were both naked to begin with. If that didn’t tempt Adam into jumping Eve’s bones, I can’t imagine why a silly apple would.

Unless Eve was really unattractive and the serpent figured that the only way he was gonna tempt Adam into having sex with Eve was to make him eat a spiked apple. My guess anyhow.

I mean, I’ve had many an apple, and a few apple pies to boot, and not once did it ever cross my mind to have sex after eating them. Unless my other half just got out of the shower and I happened to spot her naked. The again, I may have passed on that for a second piece of apple pie.

But all this sex stuff is getting way outta hand. In the last few weeks we’ve read stories about the scandal at the BBC involving TV personality Jimmy Saville, now deceased, which is lucky for him considering his ass would be grass if they charged him with sex crimes. No connection to apples, serpents or anything to do with apples were found in his old apartment.

Do ya think, looking at Saville, that somebody,….anybody….would have had a clue that this guys was a weirdo?

Not to mention another person involved in that scandal, one hit wonder, “Gary Glitter,” (fake name) whose real name is Paul Francis Gold, which completely explains why he changed it to Gary Glitter. Glitter had a big hit in the 70’s entitled, “Rock and Roll Parts 1 & 2. Then, for the most part faded into oblivion…..until last week.

Gary Glitter when he was glittering.

Glitter, who is no longer glittering and looks like an old pervert, has also been accused of weird sex stuff and was promptly arrested by British officials. No apples were found in his possession either.

Gary Glitter now……..minus the glitter, which the cops obviously confiscated.

THEN…..yesterday, yet another person was accused of having a relationship with a 16-year-old boy. This time it’s Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash. Elmo….of all people….or puppets. Um….wait a sec. Sorry….it wasn’t Elmo that Clash was having a relationship with but that 16-year-old boy who is now 23. No apples or serpents mentioned here either.

“Hey….watch where you’re stickin’ your damn hand buddy………”

My point to all this sex scandal stuff is that sex is getting a bad rap. I’m sure General Petraeus, whose lover, Paula Broadwell, “betrayeused” him, and whom I wrote about yesterday, will totally agree with me. And….you’ll notice that no apples or serpents were mentioned in that story either. Unless I missed that one.

So what’s with the serpent and apples getting all the blame for starting all of this sex stuff beginning with Adam and Eve? I don’t get it. Whatever happened to America being all about mom, apple pie and Chevrolet? Apples and serpents shouldn’t be getting a bad rap because some perverts are being exposed. Sure, there are some “bad apples” and an occasional bad serpent out there, maybe even a bad Chevrolet, but not enough to warrant apples and serpents getting the blame for these sex deviants actions. Besides, didn’t Adam and Eve eventually start a family and reside comfortably in the Garden of Eden even though they had sex.

Um….come to think of it, I think they were both banned from the Garden of Eden for consorting with the serpent and eating the forbidden fruit. Which, to me, was also a bad rap considering the serpent was never banned and continued to live in the Garden of Eden. So basically Adam and Eve got the short end of the stick because a lot of us have on occasion ripped off an apple or two from some farmer’s orchard and never got banned from wherever it is that we lived.

I personally think that all this sex stuff may be attributed to one thing. And that is that there’s just some people on the face of the earth who are just plain nuts. Excluding those people who love Almond Joy or Mounds.

Then again…..this could explain it all too………..

Personally I have no qualms, whatever a qualm is, about anyone’s sexual desires when it comes to consenting adults. I said “adults.”  Which is one reason Adam and Even should never had been banned from the Garden of Eden. But, when it comes to these perverts and children, that’s where I draw the line. That’s what’s giving sex the bad rap. Those perverts such as Saville, Glitter, and what’s going on with the “Boy Scouts” organization down to the Catholic church.

My message to them. KNOCK IT OFF YA DAMN JERKS! Eat some freakin’ apples or get some counseling from a serpent. Hey mister, (teacher) leave those kids alone. (line from a Pink Floyd song)

In conclusion, we should all condemn anyone who abuses children. Regardless of their stature or connections. Do the crime…..do the time.

As far as normal everyday sex between consenting adults goes……..no problem.

Unless you attempt to rip off an apple from some farmer’s orchard, eat it, spot a serpent just hanging around, and decide to engage in sexual activity with said serpent.

Then you could have a problem.

Serpent abuse. Which I think is illegal.

At least in any town in the U. S. named “Eden.”

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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