OK….we’ve all heard the one liner about Florida being, “God’s Waiting Room” when it comes to the number of retired seniors living there. If you’ve got “one foot on a banana peel, the other one in the grave” you’re just about ready to be called up….or down, depending on which waiting room you’re in.
That said, I have to ask myself the most logical question I need to ask myself after Tuesday’s election. Which is, “WTF! Can’t Floridians get their freakin’ act together when it comes to voting?” Everybody in every other state, even though there were some minor problems and long lines, managed to have their final totals for the election posted all over the major news networks. Um…..except Florida.
Which leads me to conclude that they don’t have enough time to figure out how to rectify the problem, because, as you all know, seniors need a lot of sleep…..naps and stuff, so just as they’re about to tackle the voting problems in that state, they all doze off. What other explanation can there be?
Florida has had voting problems since 2000, what with that “hanging chad” fiasco. I for one thought that they should never had hung Chad Everett. I mean, sure, he wasn’t that great of an actor, but what the hell, he at least deserved better than hanging.
Um…wait a sec. Oh…sorry. My error. It wasn’t Chad Everett they hung. HEY! Everybody makes mistakes ya know. Cut me some slack here for cripes sake. It was “paper ballot hanging chads.” (sorry…..I just woke up from my own senior nap)
BUT…..I was in and out of my own polling place in 10 minutes flat! And the only thing hanging in my polling place were photos of Mashantucket and Mohegan Indians. Only because I live in a town surrounded by two Indian casinos and the town folk, in an attempt to prevent any possible Indian uprisings, and, as a gesture of good will, along with coupons for free slot play, like to show them that we appreciate them.
Must be working. I get free slot play coupons in the mail all the time.
Anyhow, back to Florida. Florida….WTF are ya doing down there? Get your freakin’ voting system straightened out! How many damn times does it take for all of you to realize that your voting system is, to put it plainly, is totally f**ked up? If ya can’t fix it, damn….secede from the rest of the states and start your own country. The rest of us are all tired of you screwing things up.
Hire a damn construction crew to cut a giant swath 3,000 feet deep between Florida and your borderline states of Georgia and Alabama. Then float yourselves out into the Atlantic Ocean and pick a spot where you can bask in the sun the rest of your lives and not bug the hell outta the rest of us. Might consider asking those folks at Disneyworld, Sea World and Universal if they want to opt out first. No sense wasting three good vacation destinations on a bunch of old senile seniors.
Besides, the only mice seniors worry about are the ones in their retirement homes and not Mickey. And the only “Sea World” seniors visit is their local fish market for fish and chips on a Friday.
It just amazes me that, and I’ve said this a number of times, that if we can put a man on the moon, send a land rover to Mars, come up with a little blue pill that not only gives men a long-lasting erection, but when he’s done, it doubles as a hammer, and as far as women go, give them the opportunity to choose what size boobs they want. All that, and of course Donald Trump’s hair, and Florida can’t get their voting system straight!
The only other suggestion I can think of to rectify this situation is to let Florida start voting two years prior to any election. Maybe three. Other possibilities could be to implant voting chips into their pacemakers which automatically go to election central where a voting coordinator will record the vote or, determine if the person is voting or actually having a stroke.
But….I think a sure-fire way to get all those seniors in Florida to vote, vote early, and vote correctly, so that there are no discrepancies, and no hold ups requiring counting ballots for days and nights, is to hold a state-wide bingo with free refreshments on election night. Voter turnout…..100%.
And you know they’ll get it right the first time.
Cause no senior EVER screws up while playing bingo.
Serious stuff there……..plus the word, “free.”
OK Florida! The balls, (bingo) is in your court. Let’s get it straight before the next election.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted, as usual, below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) put your freakin’ bingo card down, NOW, and copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. You seniors in Florida should donate to MisfitWisdom out of sheer embarrassment for being the last state to record your votes. Besides, I’m a senior myself stuck up here in the c-c-c-old Northeast and I can’t afford to go to Florida. Not that I’d want to, (I’m not ready for God’s waiting room) but the least ya can do is chip in a few bucks for creative effort. Oh yeah…..do it before God calls ya. Just sayin.’
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