As Hurricanes Goes, This One Blows…..Literally.

PANIC!!! PANIC!!! A hurricane is coming! Well, at least out here on the East coast. The rest of you……no need to panic. Unless, of course, you want to panic for us out here on the East coast out of sympathy.

This hurricane, “Sandy,” which goes to show you, never trust a woman named Sandy, is also being called, “Frankenstorm.” Igor would be happy.

I might add that if you are unable to view the MisfitWisdom blog during the week it might be due to the fact that we have lost power or that a huge tree fell on my house and my other half and I are entertaining various squirrels who are homeless. I have my eye on one of our trees that looks suspiciously intimidating, and from my calculations, if it were to fall during the hurricane if I were right here on this computer writing a blog, I’d be squished like a windshield wiper bug.

Therefore, I have plans, if we have no power, to write my blog using a public access computer at a local casino. Which may or may not take me longer to write considering I can also play a slot machine while writing. Which I would opt to do each and every day considering I can win a few bucks playing a slot machine in deference to not making any bucks at all writing this stupid blog.

The true “job creator.” Hurricane Sandy.

Now I can tell that a lot of people are in a state of panic. The signs are everywhere. Long lines at the gas pumps. Milk and bread in short supply at the grocery stores. The price of home generators skyrocketing at Home Depot. Squirrels gathering more acorns in my yard than usual. And Obama being blamed for the hurricane.

Damn! Can’t he even stop a freakin’ hurricane? No wonder the polls have him and Romney neck and neck. I’ll betcha if Romney was president he’d stop the hurricane from coming.

I’ve taken all of the precautions necessary prior to the storm hitting. Which is taking no precautions at all because I’m not one to panic. I ain’t afraid of no stinkin’ “Frankenstorm.”

I personally think that men do not panic in situations such as this one. Women on the other hand go absolutely berserk. I’m basing this on my other half’s reaction to the impending storm and her uncontrollable sobbing while watching the Weather Channel.

That, and the number of ideas she has come up with to prepare for the storm. None of which were my ideas.

Like taking the cats, (5) and putting them in the basement. Yeah, like the cats are worried about hurricane “Sandy.” Yep, I can see it in their faces. They’re on the verge of panic alright.

I can’t wait for a storm to be named, “Donald Trump.” Does the word, blowhard” come to mind?

Next it was assigning me the duties to tie down everything in the backyard. Lawnmower, rakes, shovels, the bird bath, the bird feeders, the birds themselves, my truck, the mailbox, portable grill, and last but not least, anchoring the house to the ground with some really long bungy cords.

I did all of those things just to humor her. Right after I deleted the Weather Channel from our cable box.

I did, however, assign her the duties of making ice cubes from our ice-cube maker refrigerator which, so far, has seemed to keep her mind off of finding other things for me to do, but it’s getting a bit out of hand. Ice cubes in the fridge, in the coolers, in the bathtub, sink and stored in the laundry room. After the storm blows over we’ll have enough ice cubes to make some neat skating rinks for the birds in the bird baths. Either that, or we’re gonna be drinking a lot of vodka on the rocks.

Which just goes to show you that “blowing” isn’t necessarily just associated with hurricanes.

Women are just made that way. They tend to panic very easily regardless of the situation. On the other hand, men, as I said, do not. Why is that? Because us men are a bunch of macho dudes who picture ourselves riding up on white horses and saving the damsel in distress. Nothin’ scares us. Nothin’! We’re made of steel. Nothing makes us scared or gets us to the point of weeping or begging for mercy.

Except that ol line women use on us………….

“Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”

THAT’s where the weeping and begging for mercy part comes in.

Hmmmmm. Do ya suppose that’s why for many years hurricanes were named after women?

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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