FLASH! Minnie Mouse Goes On A Crash Diet. Mickey Says…OMG!!!!

“Hmmmm……Mickey, does this dress make my tail look too big?”

It’s not very often that you see any mouse go on a crash diet to lose weight. What with eating cheese and stuff and just living the good life. However, if you’re a very famous mouse, as in “Minnie Mouse,” and you’re going to be walking down a catwalk, which is somewhat dangerous considering cats and mice do not necessarily like each other, then I suppose you’d need to take off a few extra pounds in order to beat feet should a cat appear on the catwalk. Ya never know.

Barney’s in New York, in a news release by AP’s Samantha Critchell, is putting Disney characters on display in a short film that features Minnie’s daydream sequence strutting her stuff in Paris in a hot-pink, ruffle-covered Lanvin dress. Minnie appears to be tall and thin with longer legs, leaner arms and daintier gloved hands than the polkadot-loving character who typically embraces her curves from head to toe.

This could be a big problem for Mickey, Minnie’s boyfriend for many years. As most of you mouse aficionados know, both Mickey and Minnie are well into their 80’s. But, obviously show no signs of age. Which is kinda strange if ya ask me. Both Mickey and Minnie are 84 years old but look like they’re in their 30’s or 40’s tops.

Minnie! Minnie! Geez……after all the cheese we’ve shared together you go and do this! WTF!

Personally, if I were Mickey, I’d be a bit worried about this sudden long lean hot looking Minnie image she’s trying to project. What’s up with that? Is she perhaps fed up with Mickey’s contentment with just living together but unmarried? Is she perhaps eying other mouse prospects, say like that hunk of a mouse, “Mighty Mouse.” Or, “Stuart Little.” Or, perhaps a mouse her own age like, “Mr. Jingles,” from the “Green Mile” movie. She could even be going off the deep end and have eyes for a rat…OMG!  Yeah, a rat like “Ratatouille,” who is now a famous chef and has his own restaurant.

As sure as my name is Mr. Jingles, and a mouse well into his 80’s, I think Minnie and I would be a perfect match.

One never knows what lurks in the mind of a mouse. And now Minnie is making headlines and knocking Lindsay Lohan right off the front pages. Although Minnie does not have a drinking problem as does Lohan. As far as I know.

Lindsay Lohan in the very same outfit. Although Minnie appears to be much sexier.

But, with this new image Minnie is projecting, there are some people who are not too happy with her new look.

Taren Stinebrickner-Kauffman, (no relation to the Yankee’s Steinbrenners and who has never dated Alex Rodriguez, as far as I know) took issue with Minnie’s new look. “Girls have seen Minnie Mouse as a healthy character in their lives….to have her image subverted like that is troubling.”

YES! You’re absolutely right Taren. What the hell is Minnie up to? Next thing ya know she’ll be showing cleavage and appearing in a centerfold in Playboy Magazine. Mickey better nip this in the bud pronto!

Taren went on to say, “Girls are bombarded by impossible physical figures in the media, and to have such a familiar face, and shape, be turned into such a skinny Minnie seems like it could fuel the insecurities young women often have about themselves and their bodies.”

YES again Taren. Minnie’s makeover is going to make all those young girls totally insecure about their bodies. Why doesn’t she just try to appear like a normal everyday run of the mill woman, say like, um…the ones pictured below that do not make any girl feel insecure about their bodies.

Christina Hendricks

Pamela Anderson

Katy Mixon from “Mike & Molly”

Hmmmmm. Damn Taren! After looking at these bodies I’m beginning to feel a bit insecure myself that maybe Minnie didn’t go far enough in her makeover. Maybe a bigger tail and definitely some cleavage. Maybe even a nose job. Just sayin.’

According to those that have seen the film, Minnie masters the straight-ahead stare and bouncy strut that real-life models aim to master.

BOUNCY!  OMG!  Maybe she did have a boob job!!!

Um….how else could a mouse bounce?  Just my guess folks.

So, if you want to see the new and updated strut your stuff Minnie Mouse you have to go to New York and stand in front of Barney’s window display and watch the short animated film of her in her hot-pink ruffle-covered dress.

But be very careful if you decide to do that. There are a lot of seedy looking characters in New York who tend to ogle women on a daily basis. If you so much as see any shady looking characters standing in front of that window looking at Minnie while wearing heavy overcoats and dark glasses, just keep moving.

Unless you happen to spot a very short looking guy with a tail and big mouse ears weeping uncontrollably in front of that display.

That would be Mickey.

Just pat him on the back and offer your sympathy. Perhaps offer to buy him a cup of coffee and a slice of cheese.

It’s the least you can do for an 84-year-old mouse whose girlfriend has forsaken him.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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