*Or Dick Cheney.
Yep…..I’ve just about been brain water boarded with these political commercials as I’m sure most of you have as well. With just about two weeks left to go, I’m not sure I can take anymore without totally losing it.
“Oh Gawd….please make it end soon!!”
Now personally, as I’ve stated on numerous occasions, I don’t give a rats ass who ends up winning any election. WHY? Because I’m too freakin’ old to give a rats ass. Besides, rats need their asses in order to function properly after eating stuff and I would never deprive any rat of their ass. Even though I dislike the little bastards.
So why you ask shouldn’t I care? (you know, you’re beginning to ask way too many questions…so knock it off) But I’ll explain this all to you anyhow.
First of all, no candidate is going to keep most of the promises they promised. At least not without the consent of Congress, who, by the way, can’t agree on anything these days. Some of which are so controversial they do nothing but divide the country.
Like gas prices. Don’t believe me? Do some research yourself and find out how the price of gas is determined. NOT by ANY president. By the way….(and I did my research) the “average” gas price when Obama “took office” in January 2009 was $3.05.
Here’s another political hot potato…..or french fry. When does life begin? Does it begin when a baby is born or at the moment of conception? My guess, is when the doc slaps your baby’s butt and it cries. WHA- LA!….LIFE! But, on the other end of the butt slap, if life begins at the moment of conception, say like 10 or 11 o’clock when most couples concept, (my word) then that means everyone should actually be able to add one year to their lives.
Which means those of you, if a law is passed to actually say that life begins at conception, who are 15, and can’t wait to get your driver’s license at 16, should then be able to say, “Hey, I’m actually a year older than when I first popped out!”
Makes sense to me.
Besides, who the hell knows the meaning of life anyhow?
But, back to why I don’t care. Mainly because I hate political commercials. I understand it’s a necessity, but does it have to be a two-year long necessity? Cripes, it only take you two minutes tops to vote! Should be longer with a meal and entertainment considering all the bull***t we’ve had to put up with for the past two years. Maybe even some dancing-girls and a good band.
Hey, there’s an idea. I’d vote for any candidate who advertised in their commercials that if ya voted for them they’d hold a “Woodstock” type concert for a solid year on the grounds of the capital in Washington, D.C. Give us a damn reward for enduring those commercials.
Next on my list of why I don’t give a rodents butt. Besides the fact the Mayans say the world will end on December 21st, 2012 and who ever gets elected will never get to take the oath of office, is the lying. Or, as some candidates say when caught lying, “Oh…geeez….did I leave some facts out…..oops….sorry.”
Every candidate either lies or bends the truth. Which is why we need the Pope to run for office. The again, he’s got his own problem with priests and things. Rule him out.
Fact checkers check facts on whatever a candidate says then gives us the facts to show us that certain facts aren’t really true but either slanted a bit, or downright lies. But, that said, most of us will only believe what “our” candidates say rather than believe the fact checkers because they don’t even trust the fact checkers even though other people have re checked those fact checkers to make sure they’re checking the facts factually.
Then, if you subscribe to only getting your facts from a certain news source of your choice, then that’s what you’re going to believe. Why be diversified and watch ALL news sources. Yes, why cloud up the issue with facts. Don’t ya just hate it when someone comes out and proves you wrong, or your news source wrong, or a candidate wrong with stupid facts. Bastards.
Yes, I’ll still do my patriotic duty and vote on November 6th. Even though “MY” vote doesn’t really matter in the state where I live. That’s only because, as we all know, only nine battleground states will decide this election.
The only reason I will vote is because it’s on the way to the dump, (trash day) so I figure, what the hell, kill two birds with one stone, (not that I would harm any bird) and get both trash errands out-of-the-way on the same trip. My town is so small that the dumpsters double as voting booths on election days. Yep……plug in your electric razor and all the lights in town dim.
When it’s all said and done. No more commercials. Peace at last. Harmony will abound.
Um….strike that harmony word. Unless you’re in a rock group.
Back to our normal way of life. Television returns to the vast wasteland it is. Honey Boo Boo will be the most important thing in our lives. Along with “Hoarders” and “Dancing With the Idiots.”
Everyone will be calm, cool and collected. Except for whose ever candidate lost the election. They’ll be pissed off forever until the next election, and every time, whatever President is in office screws up, will say, “Hey….I didn’t vote for him ya jerk!”
Me…..Hah! As I said. I’ll accept who ever gets elected. Won’t affect me. I’m too old to think about doing any conception stuff. Not that I couldn’t, but I’d have to shoot myself if I ever concepted anything! Medicare, Medicaid, entitlements, abortion, pollution, gas, (which I have a lot of) food prices, wars, terrorism, rabid raccoons, giant squids, the environment, Lindsay Lohan’s arrests, Donald Trumps hair and the weight of Gov. Chris Christie……..don’t bother me.
Unlesss, on that last one I was in a movie theater and Christie sat down next to me. No elbow room to eat my popcorn.
I’m freakin 70 years old for cripes sake. The rest of you younger bozos get all uptight over all of this stuff, so, with all of you worrying about all of these things, why the hell should I waste my time worrying.
As I said earlier. Nothing’s going to change in D.C. regardless of who is in office. Trust me on this one folks. It’s the same old same old. Has been for centuries, and will be for centuries. Or at least until December 21st. (Mayan theory)
In conclusion, (thankfully) there’s only one reason as to why anyone in their right freakin’ mind would want to hold the office of the President.
To get to actually see those photos of alien bodies at Area 51 in Nevada.
Which as we all know, means more votes if aliens actually exist on other planets. Which opens up a whole new opportunity for political advertising.
Hmmmm. Given my options…… one and a half years of political ads on TV or being water boarded by Dick Cheney, I think I’d opt for the water boarding. Only lasts for a few hours.
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