Breaking news. The Muppets are planning a huge “Million Muppet March” protest in Washington, D.C. on November 3rd at the National Mall. (note…the “National Mall” is where people gather and not a shopping mall, just in case some of you were planning to do some shopping there)
Sometimes you have to make these things perfectly clear lest you be accused of misleading the public. I’m not saying that there are some dim light bulbs out there, but, there are some dim light bulbs out there.
In a news article by the news service “Reuters,” this Muppet March protest is in response to presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s pledge to end the U. S. federal government’s subsidy for Public Broadcasting despite his professed love for “Big Bird,” one of the characters on the PBS’s 43 year-old children’s educational program, “Sesame Street,” which features the Muppets.
Professing his love for “Big Bird” may have caused some friction between Mitt and his wife Ann. Professing one’s love for a bird is almost the equivalent of former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford professing his love for his Argentine mistress. At least Sanford’s mistress was a woman and not a bird.
I’m assuming when Ann Romney found out about Mitt’s feelings for “Big Bird” she hit the ol ceiling and demanded that he break off that relationship immediately or move out and find an apartment on Sesame Street. Which is why Mitt, reluctantly, told Jim Lehrer on the last debate that although he really liked Jim, and “Big Bird” he was going to cut funding for PBS. All in an attempt to appease Ann and show her that his affair was over and done with.
But, the damage was already done. Millions of Muppets all over the world immediately got on the phone and spread the word about what Romney pledged to do. Which prompted Michael Bellavia, 43, an animation executive from Los Angeles and Chris Mecham, 43, a university student in Idaho, neither of who are actual Muppets, to separately come up with the Million Muppet March idea in response.
The protest will feature the largest gathering of puppets with skits and musical performances ever held. Perhaps one of the Muppets could come up with a memorable line such as in Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech on August 28, 1963 on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.
Big Bird could get on a stage or a podium and address the millions of Muppets, and any other puppets in attendance, and give a really good inspiring speech. Can’t use the King phrase, “I Have A Dream,” but something as equally inspiring.
Maybe, “Birds of a feather flock together, in this case, Muppets.”
Or, “A bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush, or in this case, a bird on PBS is worth two in Sesame Street bushes if you save PBS funding.”
Or, he could actually evoke King’s words by saying, “I have a dream. A dream that Muppets will someday be allowed to live their lives freely on Sesame Street without fear of losing their housing. Without fear of losing their stuffing from lack of funds for puppet stuffing. Show your support by stuffing your hands inside of a puppet and giving them a voice. Decorate your trash cans in honor of “Oscar the Grouch” and put them up on your front lawns. Stick, “Support Miss Piggy” stickers on hams in your local grocery store. Walk around coughing and when someone asks if you have a cold, say “no” I have a “Kermit the Frog” in my throat and I’m coughing in protest of funds being cut for PBS.
This is the time for Muppets, puppets, and all the rest of us to show our support for PBS and the entire puppet population. Stand up America. Stick your own hand up a puppet to show your support. If you can’t attend the D.C. protest, get a sock out of your drawer, stick a few button eyes on it with a painted mouth and walk around all day talking to people with your sock puppet. They’ll get the message.
They’ll probably think you’re a freakin’ weirdo, but I’m sure you can just brush that off and still get your message across to them. Providing they don’t call the cops and they haul your butt off to the slammer for being some sort of puppet pervert.
Personally I think PBS is a valuable programming source. I myself enjoy the programs PBS broadcasts along with NPR. Anyone who thinks either of the two are biased in any way or have a political agenda, in my opinion, is a flake. There are a lot of other things that the government funds that should be cut. PBS is NOT one of them.
Cut funding for Sesame Street and all other PBS programs and you not only have children up in arms over losing educational programs with such celebrities as Kermit, Miss Piggy, Oscar, Cookie Monster, Big Bird, Elmo and all the other Muppets, but you’ll have a sudden influx of unemployed Muppets filing for unemployment benefits.
Mitt and every other political candidate scream that they’re going to create jobs. Laying off Muppets in my opinion is not creating jobs. Think of the repercussions.
Muppets on unemployment. The hands inside of those Muppets on unemployment. Muppet and puppet stuffing makers have to close down their Muppet/puppet stuff manufacturing plants. Sheep farmers, from whence stuffing comes from will have to lay off sheep. Sheep food suppliers will also take a big hit. Lack of sheep will make it harder for people to count sheep while attempting to go to sleep each night. Unemployed sheep will develop attitudes. And all this from cutting funds to PBS.
Not to mention, but I will anyhow, that a major revolt could take place with our cities and towns being looted and pillaged by unemployed Muppets in search of food and housing. OMG! This could get way out of hand. The carnage would be unthinkable.
So, in conclusion, I suggest you show your support for the Muppets, Big Bird, and PBS by either attending the “Million Muppet March” on November 3rd in D.C. or, if you can’t attend, erect signs, stick stickers on hams, cough your butt off for Kermit, and walk around with a bird in your hand in support of Big Bird. Might wanna carry a tissue just in case the bird gets nervous. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush but can also be a bit messy.
My own protest. I plan on devouring four packages of “Oreos” in support of “Cookie Monster” while riding a sheep with a Mitt Romney mask on its face as both of us are strapped to the roof of my truck as we tool down the interstate at 65 mph with my other half at the wheel dressed up as Miss Piggy.
“I Have A Dream.” That I will help to save PBS funding and………….
That I don’t get arrested for tooling down the Interstate with a sheep strapped to the roof of my truck.
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