The Next Hot Topic At the Debates: Pepperoni Or Sausage Pizza.

What kinda jugs we talkin’ about here?

Well I personally think it’s about time we got into the meat of things in these presidential debates. Enough of debating unimportant stuff like Medicare, Social Security, abortion, job creation, health care, taxes etc.  It’s about time both candidates addressed the issue of pepperoni or sausage on pizzas. That’s what the hell I’m basing my final decision on who to vote for.

“Pizza Hut” is offering a lifetime of free pizza, which amounts to one pizza a week for 30 years, or, if perhaps you’re a vegetarian or hate pizza, a check for $15,600 to anyone who poses the question in the next presidential debate to Mitt Romney or President Obama as to which they prefer on their pizza. Pepperoni or sausage.

Or crow……considering both candidates have stretched the truth during the last debate.

Obviously their answers could have many implications.

Go with pepperoni and you immediately get the Italian and Greek vote. Opt for sausage and you immediately lock up the Greek and Italian vote. Hmmmm. Unless……you favor the sausage over the pepperoni or the pepperoni over the sausage. Geez…can’t there be any bipartisan agreement between the candidates on pizza toppings! Come on….work together…..reach an agreement before the government has to shut down in a sausage/pepperoni standoff.

Solve this dispute before it gets way outta hand and those radical bratwurst people step in and take over. Heaven forbid those flaky anchovie people get wind of this. It’ll be an all out free for all. Damn you Pizza Hut.

And I’m not the only one worried about the implications. Mickey Sheriden, a 43 year-old bartender from Queens, New York, who loves Pizza Hut, says, “They could find some other way to advertise.” Which is what others think as well because it threatens to tick off millions of viewers who will be watching the debates to hear what the candidates have to say about other issues. Like which is better, thick crust or thin.

Pizza Hut is hoping that during this “town hall” type debate, some idiot will stand up and ask one of the candidates, or both, that important question. Sausage or pepperoni. And with a possible lifetime supply of pizza or $15,600 at stake, cripes, I myself would fall into that idiot category. Yes, I admit to being an idiot….but not a stupid idiot.

In this news report by the AP, another memorable town hall debate with Bill Clinton produced an, “indelible moment in pop culture,” when a member in the audience asked Bubba whether he wore boxers or briefs. His response was., “Um, ya hafta ask Monica.”

Actually, no….his response was, “briefs.”

Laura Ries, president of Atlanta-based brand strategy firm, “Ries and Ries,” said that the Pizza Hut stunt will likely fail. Mainly because for it to be effective anyone who asks that question at the debate would have to actually mention the Pizza Hut name.

Something like: “Mr. Romney, President Obama, achoooopizzahut….um…..excuse me, I have a slight cold. Anyhow, when you order a pizza, achooooopizzahut…sorry…um…..when you order a pizza do you prefer, achooooopizzahut….oops…sorry again… do you prefer sausage or pepperoni on your….achoooooooooooooopizzahut…sorry……pizza?”

Can’t really nail ya if you have a cold and have the sneezies.

Pizza Hut, however, said to its critics that there is room for both serious and lighthearted questions during the debate. Like if someone were to be lighthearted and ask any of the candidates if they ever spilled Pizza Hut pizza sauce on their clothes and pretended they were shot or stabbed. Always great for a lighthearted moment at a debate. Might even be able to get a plug in for Hunts or Heinz catsup too. Can’t hurt. They might even kick in a few bucks for the product plug. Or a lifetime supply of catsup….which as we all know….goes with everything.

The problem with this “Pizza Hut” ploy is that audience members have to write their own questions on a card prior to the debate and then a moderator selects the questions that get the ok.

The only way around that is the ol “bait a switch” tactic. A patented technique use by most car dealers, but for a few bucks they’ll let you use it if you promise to buy a car from them. Which isn’t really a bad deal considering you’ll win $15,600 from Pizza Hut which you can use as a down-payment towards a new car.

Here’s what ya do. Write your question down on that card they give you. Something that won’t freak out the moderator when he checks your card but that you know will be appealing to the candidates. Like, “Mr. Romney, President Obama, what would you say is the most important reason I should vote for you?”

Perfectly appealing question that any moderator would approve and send you to the head of the line.

THEN…………when they actually call on you…..blurt out that sausage/pepperoni Pizza Hut question and you’re on your way to collecting a lifetime of pizza or $15,600 dollars.

Which you’ll be eating for the rest of your life in the slammer for lying to the moderator and being a possible threat to National Security.

Oh yeah….the $15,600, if you opted for that instead of the pizza………………….

Covers your attorney fees as they try to get your sorry butt out of jail.

For the record, I myself prefer pepperoni.

Soooooo……..whichever candidate says he prefers pepperoni on his pizza gets my vote.

Does anything else a candidate stands for matter?

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal pepperoni donate link is posted below. if it is not highlighted, (blue) or smothered in pepperoni and cheese, fear not. Should you wish to make a donation to the cause, simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Sausage lovers are welcome to donate too. But…..I’m a little bit skeptical of those anchovie people.

Donations since January 2009 AD………( 1 )

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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