If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you guys a million times not to feed wild boars sticky buns. But do ya listen? NO! And now we have a problem Houston. Well, not really in Houston, but in Sweden.
Yes folks. Today’s big news comes out of Sweden, known for the rock group “ABBA,” and, being, for the most part, neutral when it comes to getting involved in any conflicts, (Swedes do not like to fight, just make love) and of course, Swedish meatballs, Ikea, Vikings, Greta Garbo, Ingrid Bergman, Ann Margret and Anita Ekberg.
And also for some prophetic Swedish sayings such as:
“Annans ko har alltid stokre juver udder.”
Which, when translated into English means: “The cow of another always has a bigger udder.” Which I guess Swedes discuss a lot when out bar hopping.
But the big news today is that Swedish wildlife experts have handed out warnings to hunters not to tempt wild boars out of the woods with sticky cinnamon buns. Most likely because wild boars do not carry any cash on them to pay for the sticky buns. Which leaves the hunters ultimately footing the bill.
But, besides sticking it to the hunters without paying for the sticky buns, boars tend to gorge themselves on sticky buns which in turn makes them gain weight and suffer from poor dental hygiene. I know, I bet you think I’m making that last part about weight and dental hygiene up. Guess what…..I’m not. Honest!
Yep, officials in Sweden actually are concerned about fat boars with bad teeth. Anders Hallengren at the Skane county council to the local Skanska Dagbladet daily, said that “It’s not good for the animals health.” Not to mention the fact that most wild boars do not have adequate medical insurance plans.
The other concern is that if hunters continue to feed these wild boars sticky buns and they gain weight, the boars, not the hunters, that they will not be able to move quickly, thereby increasing the number of car accidents involving fat wild boars who can’t get out of their own way from eating too many sticky buns.
According the National Wildlife Accident Council, (Nationella Vitolycksradt) a road accident involving a wild animal occurs on an average of one every 15 minutes. This could also be attributed not only to fat wild boars eating sticky buns, but wild boars who don’t wait out the 15 minutes and then cross the road. If a wild boar gets nailed every 15 minutes, it’s probably safer for them to cross every 20 minutes. My theory anyhow.
The council, that “Vitolycksradt” whatever the heck that means in Swedish, has launched a new telephone application which can be used to inform road users when they are entering a high risk zone. Which would be, I would think, near any place on the highway that sells sticky buns or perhaps even Swedish meatballs where wild boars tend to hang out.
Any self-respecting wild boar is going to scarf down a Swedish meatball before eating a sticky bun. Common sense if ya ask me. Dessert is always last.
So, if you are planning a trip to Sweden in the near future and plan on touring the countryside, beware of fat wild boars who may be hitching a ride along side the road in an attempt to avoid hunters. Or in an attempt to hit you up for some cash to buy a sticky bun.
Not that I’m saying you should not feel any compassion for wild boars, but if you’re driving a rental car and you pick up a wild boar that’s been eating sticky buns, just think of what the rental car company is going to charge you for cleaning up all that sticky bun stuff all over your seats and windows. Just sayin.’
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