Jesus has been all over the news the past few days due to the discovery of a piece of papyrus. (not to be confused with “platypus,” a burrowing, egg-laying, aquatic monotreme (mammal) that lives in Australia) Which has nothing to do with this story, but ya have to make things perfectly clear in these blogs lest someone who’s searching the Internet for “platypus” gets all bent outta shape because I’m writing about “papyrus” and not about “platypus.”
It seems that this unknown scrap of ancient papyrus written in Egyptian Coptic includes the words, “Jesus said to them, my wife.” And that was it. Nothing else after those words.
Like, “Jesus said to them, my wife asked me to take out the trash and I said, hey, do you have any idea who you’re talkin’ to?”
Or, “Jesus said to them, my wife said watch this neat trick I’m gonna do out here on the lake. Now don’t any of you guys try this because even though I can walk on water, I can’t swim, so if you sink, you’re on your own.”
Or, “Jesus said to them, my wife said for me to say let he who hath no sin cast the first stone, and, mother, put down that rock right now!”
Or, “Jesus said to them, look guys, my wife said I invited all of you to this supper, but we ain’t footing the entire catering bill…………….. and Judas, I really don’t care if you’re pissed off about it.”
Or, “Jesus said to them, my wife said I should say that I was really going to say something to all of you really earth shattering but I left my notes at home so I’m really just going to end this message to you on this piece of papyrus as it is and finish it later, thereby not really saying anything to you except that my wife, if I actually had a wife, would have reminded me to bring my notes with me, so lets just leave it at that and I’ll see ya next time.”
I’m on a roll here but I think by now you’ve all grasped the message. Which is how easily scholars get all excited at seeing the words, “Jesus said to them, my wife……” Thinking of course that Jesus could have been married. An interesting concept but highly unlikely considering he really did not give the appearance of a guy that was henpecked and he always wore that white robe outfit.
If he had been married don’t ya think his wife would have at least picked out various colorful wardrobes for him? After all, how many times do most of you guys reading this get dressed in the morning, for your usual walk on water workout, and your wife says to you, “You’re not really going out walking on water dressed like that are ya?”
Right now, as we speak, or as I write, experts are examining this fragment of papyrus, which is described as brownish-yellow and tattered, to determine the chemical composition of the ink. Most likely to figure out the date line of the papyrus to see if it does indeed go back to the time of Jesus. So far they’ve ruled out ink from a Cannon inkjet printer.
According to “Reuters,” the news service, the existence of the fourth-century fragment, not much bigger than a business card, was revealed at a conference in Rome this past Tuesday by Karen King, (no relation to Larry, who’s almost as old as Jesus) who is Hollis Professor of Divinity at Harvard Divinity School in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I’m pretty sure she has a business card but it is not fragmented or as old as the one in question with relation to the papyrus fragment. My guess.
King said that, “Christian tradition has long-held that Jesus, was not married, even though no reliable historical evidence exists to support that claim.”
So basically no one really knows. And because there were no actual town halls back in the days of Jesus, scholars are not able to look up marriage records on microfilm…..or papyrus film. Bummer.
So my guess would be that until researchers find that other fragment of papyrus that has the rest of Jesus’s comments on it, or more business cards, we’ll never really know.
It’s kinda like following a TV series and the network cancels the program mid-season and ya never know what the outcome of the plot was.
Hmmmmm…….maybe that’s what this is all about.
Jesus was in the middle of preparing a speech for his next supper appearance and who ever sponsored the event cancelled it as he was in the middle of writing on that piece of papyrus, so he tossed it, unfinished, in the trash, which was then emptied into a dumpster outside of the last supper building, taken to a landfill, only to be found years later by researchers.
I’m pretty sure this is the most logical explanation.
I base this on the fact that on many occasions I myself have written things on scraps of paper, (I don’t have any papyrus) thrown those scraps of paper in the trash, then realized I needed to retrieve that piece of paper because it had sensitive information written on it only to discover that my other half emptied the trash and put it outside for the trash collector and it was already on its way to the dump.
Which then, as we all know, could be found by trash junkies looking for sensitive information discarded by people and sent to the landfill.
Which accounts for the anonymous blackmail threats I’ve received threatening to reveal my subscriptions to various senior porno magazines that have any naked photos of Betty White.
Hmmmm. My wife says, (my other half) that she thinks both Jesus and I should have invested in a paper shredder.
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