Get your minds out of the gutter ya damn perverts. Um….on second thought, it’s ok, you can actually stay in the gutter because this blog today is about Monica Lewinsky writing a tell all book about her encounter with former President Bill Clinton in a broom closet in the White House.
I’m assuming it was a broom closet, otherwise why would the White House need any closets. I mean it’s not like the President is gonna walk around looking for dust bunnies and decide to go into a closet, pick up a “Swiffer” and go dusting. So, perhaps closets in the White House are meant for doing things behind closed doors…..like getting to know White House interns without the constant nosing around of inquisitive Secret Service agents, who, usually do their own closet stuff out of the country. As we all know.
Anyhow, some 3,000 years later, (actually 12 years later) Monica has decided to write a “tell all” book about her White House closet experience. I’m not sure if there is a chapter dedicated to claustrophobia.
“Ohhhhh Bill………Bill……I’m sooooo scared of confined places. I’m really scared…..and it’s sooooooooo dark in here.”
“Don’t worry honey, just get down on your knees, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and the bigggggg surprise I have for you will calm you right down. Um, not to mention what it will do to calm myself down as well….heh heh heh.”
So why is Monica all of a sudden writing a tell-all book? Can anyone say, $12 million dollars?
Geez….if someone would pay me a measly $500 dollars I’d write a book about all of the times I spent in various closets myself. Not to mention other dark places like in the back seat of cars at a drive in, various parking lots, in various woods, and that one time I didn’t have the correct change at an Interstate toll both and had to kill time alongside the road waiting for the collector to break a twenty-dollar bill.
According to the “Examiner.com,” which I guess examines things, like this story, Lewinsky’s tell all book is said to finally offer the world a scandal-laden glimpse into what really took place. My guess would be……….A FREAKIN BJ!
Of course that’s just a wild guess folks.
And, if that’s the crux of this book, just how many pages can ya devote to that? Unless she gets very descriptive and includes the oooohs and ahhhs, which can take up at least twenty or thirty pages, along with what exactly is in a White House closet.
Lewinsky says that she and Clinton met on several occasions but that none of the “trysts” included intercourse. Which may finally vindicate the President when he uttered those famous lines, “Ah did not have sex with that woman.”
However, the shocking aspect of this book is Lewinsky suggesting that Clinton had some interest in “threesomes,” (this is when you invite more than one woman to share a White House closet) and she also mentions that she had a secret abortion. No mention as to who might have made her pregnant. But, considering, from what I have painstakingly researched, I do believe it is somewhat impossible to get pregnant from getting a BJ. Just sayin.’
At least as far as I know. Or really wanna know.
I think this tell all book may fall into the category of, “And I should care why?” But, if you really like tell all books and hate Clinton, this would be right up your alley. Then, when someone sends a letter to the editor of your local newspaper dissing George W. Bush, Mitt Romney or the Republican party, you can always go back to 1998 and bring up Clinton’s tryst with Monica.
Deer lettor to da Edirot,
I roid recently in da paper that Monika Lewinskyie is writing a tel all book about da time dat she gave Clinton a BJ in a White Hose closet. Dis only goes to proof dat this country is now a swill hole becasue of dat. The deficiat crisis, da warz we’re in and unimployment are all Clinton’s fault beecasue he wans’t paying attention and spending way too much time in a closet. If he hada paid attentin, we could have invaded Irag a lot earlier…..say like 5 or 6 o’clock.”
So, will this book be a “blockbuster” book? Not so according to the “Examiner” who DID examine everything and label it strictly as “pure tabloid-talk.” Which means that if you’re into reading stuff like the “National Enquirer” and headlines like, “Aliens From Mars Actually Run Seven Eleven’s,” then this is your kinda stuff.
BUT….that said, it’s great for Monica. (12 million dollars) Great for Clinton. (keeps up his macho image) Great for Clinton haters. (the, see I told ya effect) And great for the publisher. (part of the $$$$$ from book sales)
Hmmmmm. Maybe that’s what Romney needs to do to boost his macho image. Worked for Bill.
But, seeing that Bill and Monica already did the closet thing, which is now passe’, Romney needs a new venue that will boost his campaign and his macho image off the map.
Something like, um……Ann Coulter caught giving Mitt Romney a back rub on the roof of his car in a parking lot of a “Chick-fil-A” restaurant.
I know, not really a blockbuster scandal laden expose’…… but, considering Romney comes across as a decent up standing family values person, it’s the best I could think of.
Besides, I don’t think Romney has ever seen the inside of a closet, or even knows what one is.
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