“Vanity Fair” Exposes Scientologists. Geez…the napkin company does expose’s?

I was mistaken. This story is not about “Vanity Fair” napkins exposing anyone.

Now I usually don’t like to get into religious stories because I personally think religion is a personal issue. Kinda like what’s in your medicine cabinet. It’s nobody’s business. Unless you’ve been praying that the Viagra or Cialis that’s in your medicine cabinet will take effect before you hit the local bar scene and you’re a celebrity…..then it’s everybody’s business. Then it’s considered mixing religion and sex. Hot topic for the tabloids.

Anyhow, what caught my eye was a story on “ET Online” by Jackie Willis which was titled, “Scientologists React To Vanity Fair Expose.”

I immediately thought that the “Vanity Fair” company had some sort of beef with Scientologists. Maybe they were doing weird things with their napkins or something. Or, were banning the use of napkins at Scientologist meetings. Maybe even worse, like not using napkins at all after eating and maybe “Vanity Fair” found out, tried to sell them some napkins, and got booted off their property. Who knows for sure?

But, on further examination, I found out that it had nothing to do with “Vanity Fair” napkins, but “Vanity Fair” the magazine. Which surprised me because I never knew there was a magazine about napkins. Which seemed rather odd to me because just how much space can ya take up in a magazine writing about napkins.

Then again, I realized once again I was mistaken. “Vanity Fair” is a magazine that does not write about napkins, but all kinds of different things and people and stuff, like their recent article about Scientologists, Tom Cruise and attempts made by them to find a girlfriend for the actor after his divorce from Katie Holmes.

According to the article, The Church of Scientology embarked on a top-secret project headed by Scientology chief David Miscavige in 2004 which involved finding a girlfriend for Tom Cruise. The original article written by Maureen Orth, claims that several actresses were auditioned and audited for the part of Cruise’s wife prior to him deciding to marry Katie Holmes, whom he divorced earlier this summer.

I guess this means that there is some sort of science involved when it comes to choosing a wife. Henceforth and forsooth, “Scientology.” Which may or may not have been taught in science class in school when I attended. I think it might have been, but I cut classes on many occasions so that I would not have to dissect any frogs. So I may have missed out on the part where science plays a part in choosing a mate. Damn!

I say “damn” cause I was married and divorced twice and had I not cut that class I might have had successful marriages.

Then again, Tom Cruise has been divorced a couple of times too, so possibly he cut class to avoid dissecting frogs as well.

The Scientology church was all upset over the “Vanity Fair” article, which didn’t mention any frogs or cutting science classes. In an eight page letter to “Vanity Fair,” (I guess they like to write a lot) the church calls the story “shoddy journalism, religious bigotry and potential legal liability.”  Guess they thought those words were not powerful enough so they added, “the piece is a disingenuous sham.” Not to be confused with a regular sham used on beds.

Disingenuous shams lack simplicity, frankness, sincerity and are not straightforward. Which is why whenever you by a disingenuous sham you should always iron it first before you put it on your bed. Which may have been Cruise’s complaint with his former wives.

“Hey Katie, I ain’t gettin’ in bed with ya with a damn disingenuous looking sham for cripes sake!”

Grounds for divorce if ya ask me.

Or frogs……..

So, the church is all bent outta shape because “Vanity Fair” wrote an article claiming that they were running a top-secret project to find Tom Cruise a girlfriend. Geez…..it’s not like Julian Assange of WikiLeaks spilled the beans ya know. Like what…..was this a highly classified commando Scientology operation or something? Who cares if the church wanted to find Tom Cruise a girlfriend.

E Harmony does it every day of the week. Geez, they even advertise on TV. Unless scientologists don’t want the rest of us to know they have an in with the “Big Guy”, (GOD) Then that would make E Harmony cry foul. Think of the business they’d lose if people realized that the church had that type of connection. Their business would plummet.

What if they actually found the right match for Tom Cruise. OMG! (sorry God) Then they’d have the edge on all those other dating services. OMG! (oops, sorry again God)

Maybe that’s why they’re so upset about the “Vanity Fair” article. It’s really not about that “disingenuous sham” stuff, it’s about launching a new dating service that they’ve been trying to keep under wraps. Now everybody will be flocking to join the scientology church just to find their perfect match. One giant leap of faith for Cruise, (finding the perfect mate) one giant leap of faith for a bunch of other poor lost soul celebrities.

Makes sense to me……….just like “cardiologists.” They wouldn’t be able to call themselves cardiologists if they didn’t know how to play cards.

And to think……….had I known about this myself many years ago, instead of cutting science classes, all I had to do was dissect a stinkin’ dead frog and I might have avoided my own two divorces.

The irony of it all.

I could just croak.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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