What If You Threw A Party In Arizona and No One Came!

Arizona Sheriff and certifiable nut job, no offense to “Planters Peanuts,” was going to throw a huge bash sponsored by the “Greater Phoenix Tea Party Patriots” group on September 22nd featuring huge mega and recording star, Pat (I’m as old as dirt) Boone but had to cancel the entire event due to “inadequate ticket sales.”

Oh the embarrassment of it all. All that food. All those decorations. The cost of renting the theatre. The tickets sold. WAIT! Um, there weren’t hardly any tickets sold. RATS!

You would think that at $10 to $25 a ticket this would be a sold out event. After all, who wouldn’t want to have an opportunity to enjoy a really great night out with a huge star like Pat Boone, singing some of his latest and greatest hits. I would think the Pat Boone song below might be Sheriff Joe’s favorite:

Hmmmm, maybe that was part of the problem. Pat Boone doesn’t have any latest hits. Unless your still stuck in the 50’s and 60’s and think you’re listening to one of his latest hits while you’re actually tuned into an oldies station.

And who can forget the giant mega hit by Pat Boone, “Tutti Frutti.” (below)

And of course the less popular hit by Little Richard:

Then again, maybe it wasn’t Pat’s fault at all. Maybe….just maybe it was the reasoning behind this bash. Which, I might mention again, was being put on by none other than Arizona’s resident nut job, Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Yes folks, the SAME resident nut job that keeps pushing the birther issue about President Obama. The SAME resident nut job that engages in a campaign of racial profiling. Which is not when you ask someone who is a black, Mexican, or Latino to turn sideways when you’re painting a photo of them and want to see their profile.

Now ya see folks, if Sheriff Arpaio wasn’t such a racist, he might have been able to have a sell out at his party extravaganza by simply having Little Richard perform “Tutti Frutti” instead of Pat Boone. Yes, I know Pat’s version is the one most people, (in Arizona) would prefer, but, ya gotta admit, Little Richard does give it some pizzaz. Yes, Pat’s version made it to number 12 on the national charts while Little Richard’s version only made it to number 17. Which is why Little Richard never had any really great hits.

And Carl Perkins version of “Blue Swede Shoes” was much better than that Presley’s guys version.

If you believe any of that, I have a few tickets to the Sheriff’s party I’ll sell ya dirt cheap.

Sheriff Arpaio is the SAME resident nut job who’s been in the news with regard to his tough stance on immigration. And, when your freakin’ 80 years old, it’s hard enough taking a “stance” on anything that requires a lot of “stancing” (my word) like stancing in front of a urinal in the mens room. (sway factor when you’re that old)

“HEY! Sheriff, you’re peeing on mah boots for cripes sake!”

“Ah stick it in yer holster ya damn idiot, or move over one urinal.”

According to ABC News, the groups website issued this explanation: “We apologize for any inconvenience,” (not the part where the Sheriff peed on that guys boots) promising that further probes into the validity of President Obama’s birth certificate, “will be pursued in earnest.”  Or by some guy named “Earnest.”

Arpaio has steadfastly maintained that even though the President has produced his birth certificate, that he will not give up on his claims that the President was not born in the United States until actual videotape of his birth along with a musical soundtrack produced by Oliver Stone becomes available to him.

Actually he didn’t say THAT but did say that he would be satisfied with seeing a microfilm rather than the electronic birth certificate released by the President last year. His quote: “I said it a while back. Show us the microfilm and we’ll all go back home and forget this.”

For Gawd’s sake. Show this guy the freakin’ microfilm. ANY damn microfilm. Give him a damn copy of “Snookie’s” baby’s birth certificate. Or Tori Spelling’s on microfilm. Send him a bunch of microfilms from the damn Phoenix public library. ANYTHING! Just shut this guy up.

Do people still use microfilms?

Of course Arpaio has his own problems still pending. Besides still trying to find out if he himself was born in the U.S. and that it may or may not be on microfilm. I do believe that the Sheriff, being 80 years old, might find that his own birth certificate is on parchment.

The racial profiling suit against him has been dropped and the feds have dropped a separate abuse-of-power investigation. But, Arpaio still faces damaging charges that his office failed to pursue more than 400 sex crime cases between 2004 and 2007.

And, as we all know, sex crime cases are nowhere as important as proving that Obama’s’ birth certificate is a fake. Screw them damn sex crime cases. Hmmm, come to think about it isn’t “screwing” what all these sex crime cases are about?  Unfortunately I thinkith the Sheriff “screwed” himself, not literally, by not investigating these cases and concentrating on Obama.

Then again, when you 80 years old, any kind of screwing that you can get might be enjoyable.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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