I’m tellin’ ya…..over the past year a lot of giant things have been making me a bit squeamish. Insects, lobsters, fish, N.J. Governor Chris Christie. It’s getting way outta hand here. Now, some guy in China has found a 19 inch long earthworm. What the hell is going on. First take a look at this video which will freak you out:
Getting squeamish are ya? I’m getting earthwormaphobia now. It’s bad enough that I never liked earthworms to begin with . I couldn’t even get myself to put one on a fish-hook. It’s like, so what end is the worms head and which end is the tail. I’d hate to stick a hook in a worms head. I DO have compassion for worms, even though I dislike them.
Besides that, it’s like they always look naked. No fur, no discernible eyes or mouth, and they never make any sounds. So how can ya tell if they’re feeling any pain when you stick a hook in them. In some respects it’s kinda sad. They can’t speak up about anything.
But a freakin’ 19 inch worm! What the heck do ya need? A 10 pound hook the size of Captain Hook’s hook? Not to mention the size of the rod and reel you’d need. THEN…..if you catch a fish that weighs a lot, coupled with the size of the worm, you’d need an army to pull both those suckers in. THEN….who’s gonna wanna eat a fish with a 19 inch worm inside of it. Blachh!
So this guy in China decides that instead of using the worm for fishing, he’s gonna raise it. RAISE IT!!! WHY? What the hell can ya do with a worm hanging around your house? It’s not like you and the worm can share some quality time together like a dog or a cat. You can’t use it as a deterrent against burglars. And, because most worms are kinda slimy, the chances of slipping on one as you walk across the floor and breaking a leg is quite possible.
“Soooo Mr. Xiang, how exactly did you fracture your leg?”
“Well, I was heading towards the kitchen to get a snack when I slipped on my pet worm.”
“You tripped over a worm? But they’re small and harmless. I’m surprised you didn’t just squish it.”
“Well Doc, when I found the worm, it was 19″ long and weighed 8 pounds. Since I’ve had him, or her, can’t quite tell, he or she, has gained 20 pounds and is now two feet long.”
“Two feet long! Why in the word do you keep a two foot long 20 pound worm in your house? That’s disgusting!”
“Well Doc, I’m very lonely and don’t have much of a social life.”
You know how it is over there in China folks. 1,339,724,852 gazillion trillion million people all crammed into that one country. With that many people it’s very hard to find time to be alone to have a meaningful relationship. You know, the crowd factor. So, if you have a giant earthworm in your home, chances are you’ll have all the time, and privacy, to work on that relationship without any interruptions.
With that many people in China, and the competition for finding a soul mate fierce, ANY relationship is a good one.
Besides, if worms are anything like snakes, you’ll get a lot of really good hugs.
Next, to keep up with the disgusting news of the day. South Koreans have come up with a novel new toy for children. Although I think adults will buy this as well. If only for the, “Hey guys, look at this, a farting doll” factor.
Once again, in case you think I’m pulling your fart finger, the video:
As you can see, all you have to do is feed the doll, “Kong Suni,” some fake food, then rub her tummy, and PRESTO, she farts. How neat is THAT! Geez, I don’t even have to do that with my other half. She gets out of a chair and farts. So do I on occasion. It’s an old person thing.
Now, on top of that, the feeding the doll fake food and farting aspect, she also poops. YES! Poops! OMG…..just what children of all ages need. A doll that teaches them how to eat, fart and poop. AND…..she comes with her own toilet with which to….yes….poop in.
There was no mention in the commercial as to if the doll comes with toilet paper. Then again, not being able to understand the South Korean language, which was in the commercial, I may have missed that one.
So, those of you who still have that old gag, “whoopee cushion,” might wanna get with the times and rush out and buy one of these eating, farting and pooping dolls so that you can be the life of the party the next time you’re invited out and need a conversation starter.
You could very well be the hit of the party. However, just a word of caution here. Do not expect any hot babes hitting on you at any party if you’re walking around carrying a doll that farts and poops. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you’re as lonely as that Chinese guy who’s living with a giant earthworm, you’ll at least have some sort of companionship.
(NOTE) Scratch China and South Korea off of my list of places to go to meet women.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. If you are from China or South Korea, and wish to donate please leave your giant earthworms and farting dolls at home. The people at PayPal also get a bit squeamish as I do.
Donations since January 2009 AD……………( 1 )
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV
Dilligara header: email@example.com