My Talking Chair Told Me To Write A 2nd Blog Today………PUNK!

“Go ahead punk. Write a blog about me talkin’ to a chair. But, ya gotta ask yourself. Do I have another chair with me right now that’s gonna kick your butt? Or was the chair I had last night the only one that talks to me. So what’s it gonna be punk? Stand or sit?”

“So, ya think I should write a second blog about Clint Eastwood?”

“………………………………………………….!”

“Hmmmmmmm. Very good thinking Mr. Chair. I know he wowed the crowd at the GOP Convention last night talking to one of your relatives, a rather hard looking chair I might add. But, why should I waste a really good blog on Clint and his chair?”

“………………………  ………………  ……………”

“Oh, because chairs usually get the butt end of things and now that Clint has put all chairs into the spotlight you have something worthwhile to say…is that it?”

“…………………”

“Well, I personally think Clint looked rather foolish standing up there talking to a freakin’ chair. I mean, come on, what the hell does a chair know about politics anyhow?”

“……… …. ………. ……….. …..&^%*%#@….!”

“Geez, ok ok, so one of your ancestors had to put up with President William Howard Taft’s big butt. So what! Does THAT make any of you chairs experts on politics?”

“.. … ……. … …….. ………….. ……….. ………. ..!!!!!”

“Really!  Taft used to talk to you all the time too. Wow. Um, what exactly did he say?”

“….*&^!%@……………….(^#&$#$#…………!”

“Oh, yeah, I get it. But he only swore at your uncle because he couldn’t get his big fat butt outta that chair. I’m sure he didn’t mean it and it was just one of those rare moments when he totally lost it.”

“……. ……… ……….. …………?”

“No, no, I’m not calling your uncle fat. I meant to say that Taft was fat. I mean geez, the guy weighed 350 pounds for cripes sake.”

“…………. ……… …………. .. .. .. .. ………!”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I had no idea he treated your great-grandfather the same way when he sat on him in the oval office.  Come on over here, I think you need a great big hug you four-legged cutie.”

Had I myself known that “chairs are people too,” I would have been more considerate. Instead of just plopping my own butt on them and perhaps causing some hurt feelings.

Thanks Mr. Eastwood for bringing the “chairs are people too” to the forefront.

Oh yeah, thanks too for explaining to me why 82-year-old actors should not be allowed to leave their rest homes and give speeches at a convention. Does this guy STILL have a valid drivers license? Cripes!

Now look folks, I really like, or liked Clint Foolwood and a lot of his movies. But, as I’ve said in the past, and I’ll say once again, why in the “f**k does anyone with half a freakin’ brain in their head (sponsors and people who book celebrities for whatever) think that because they endorse a product or candidate that we’re all gonna go running out and buy that product or vote for that candidate.

Do ya think if Clint were on TV hawking “Depends” I’d immediately run out and buy a six-pack! Hmmmm. Then again he’d be the perfect spokesman for “Depends.” HEY! If he’s talking to a damn chair in front of a gazillion people, chances are he’s wearing “Depends.”  WHY? Because if I discovered that all of a sudden I was talking to a damn chair I’d be pissing my pants out of embarrassment. Not to mention that my other half would be calling the loony bin truck to haul my butt off to the farm.

Then again, all those people at the GOP Convention seemed to enjoy Clint making a fool out of himself. Unless you happened to see some of those people shaking their heads when the camera panned the group and noticed that they had that WTF look on their faces.

“Geeez Martha, has Clint lost it or what?”

“Oh cut him some slack Harvey. The guy’s 82 years old. If he wants to have a conversation with a chair, let him. After all, I’ve caught you a few times talking to your ding-a-ling in the bathroom!”

“MARTHA!  Damn, you know about that?”

“Yeah Harvey, my vagina told me.”

So in conclusion folks, the bottom line here is…..um…..hold on a sec.

“What?”

“……………………….”

“HUH?”

“…………………..  ………….. ….   ………… ……….”

“Oh, yeah ok.”

Sorry for the interruption. My computer chair asked me to pass on to all of you that as long as I was writing about talking chairs, that I should advise all of you who spend many hours in your favorite chairs to try to avoid sitting naked on them. Apparently it’s a gross factor and really disgusting as far as chairs are concerned.

Well, sorry that I had to inflict this second blog on all of you today. I just couldn’t help myself. Might wanna watch Comedy Central and Jon Stewart tonight, according to my computer chair.  I’m sure there will be more chairs speaking out on his show.

Gotta go. Me and my chair are gonna spend some quality time together talking about the time it spent waiting to be bought at an office supply store and this biggggg hot blonde came in, sat on him and…um……neverrrrr mind.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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