It’s Tough Being A Butler These Days. Holy Batman! Sez Alfred.

How the phrase, “The Butler Did It” came to be.

There’s startling news on the butler front today folks. BUT….before I serve up the butler problem, I just wanted to touch on one political point. That being….WTF!

I just couldn’t write today’s blog without commenting on a quote Mitso Romney made this past week. Seems kinda confusing to me. Perhaps some of you could enlighten me as to WTF he’s talking about. This was his quote:

“Big business is doing fine in many places. They get the loans they need, they can deal with all the regulation. They know how to find ways to get through the tax code, save money by putting various things in the places where there are low tax havens around the world for their businesses.”

Um, did he mean like moving their businesses to other countries? Is this different from when the President said, “the private sector is doing fine?”  And got a lot of flack for saying that.  I don’t get it.Maybe I’m not supposed to get it.

Anyhow, that’s food for thought. Just sayin.’

Sorry…..couldn’t help myself. (this one’s for all unemployed butlers)

Ok, back to butlers. Sorry, but I had to do that political thing because I’m soooooo confused. I just hate gobbledygook.

It seems that butlers, who make an average salary of between $40,000 and $50,000 a year are taking a hit according to Robert Frank of CNBC, who was entirely “frank” when he wrote this article on butlers. Never trust a guy who isn’t completely frank about things. Or whose name isn’t “Frank.”

Salaries are down in the butler profession and they even have to lower themselves to clean toilets. OMG! The deprivation of it all.

Batman’s butler, Alfred, really took his job seriously.

“Alfred!”

“Um, yes Batman.”

“The bat toilet is clogged up, would you please clean it.”

“But Batman, sir, that’s not my job. When you hired me you told me all I had to do was maintain the Batcave, dust here and there, make sure the fridge is stocked with tasty mosquitos and make sure your Batman outfit was freshly pressed.”

“Sorry Alfred. Things are rough lately what with all of the crime fighting forces out there like “Homeland Security,” SWAT teams, store owners carrying big baseball bats and L L Cool J cutting into our crime fighting business. I just can’t earn a decent salary anymore fighting crime and the American way.”

“It’s THAT bad sir?”

“BAD!  Look at this paltry check I got in the mail from Commissioner Gordon! $29.95 for a half hours work of crime fighting! $29.95!! for cripes sake. That’s not even gonna be enough to put gas in the Batmobile!”

“I understand sir, but cleaning toilets wasn’t in my original bat contract.”

“Alfred. We all have to make concessions during these hard economic times. Like Mitt Romney once said, “Batman is a people too.”

“Um, I don’t think he actually said that sir. I think he said “corporations are people.”

“People, schmeeple, it’s the same thing Alfred. Now go clean that freakin’ toilet. I really gotta go take a bat crap real bad.”

WTF! I thought Alfred was supposed to do the dusting this week?

So, I would assume with butlers taking the hit now that the demand for butlers is down due to the economy there will be more people cutting back, by either laying off their butlers to save a few bucks, or at least cutting back on their salaries.

I hate to offer this suggestion to anyone who has a butler and is having a financial problem, (the flack factor) but there is a simple solution.  It’s called…..husbands.

Yes. Husbands. They can take the place of your butler thereby saving you all kinds of money.  I mean, what the hell do they do now?  Sit around all day watching sports programs on TV. No wonder 95% of them are a bunch of fat slugs.

Give them all some butler duties to perform. Clean them toilets. Mop that floor. Press them clothes. Empty that cat litter box. Help fight crime.

Um…..wait….that’s Batman’s job. Sorry.

And the bright side to all of this, for those of you male slugs that are gonna balk at the thought of taking on the job as a butler, is that you’ll gain valuable experience in the field of butlerlly, (my word) and be able to go out into the world with a resume’ listing your on the job experience as a butler.  No college course to take or exams either. How neat is that!

AND…… when the economy picks up and there’s a demand for butlers, shazaam…..you got first crack at a really great job. Like maybe replacing Alfred, Batman’s butler, who is so freakin’ old he’ll probably be dead. And on top of that, you might even get access to the Batmobile when Batman takes a few days off when crime fighting is down, and be able to tool around Gotham city, or Manhattan’s lower East side and pick up a few hot chicks.

Hey!  Any cool babe is gonna want to ride in the Batmobile. See….all kinds of perks. So what if ya have to clean a few bat toilets. How bat…..um…..bad can that be?

Unless Batman and Robin share the same toilet and ya have to clean out dead mosquitos and earth worms.

Mosquitos and earthworms. Batman…..Robin….. Come on….think about it folks. Geez.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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