I just discovered I do not fall into the classification of “middle class.” Which really surprised me because I attended middle school as a child, always sat in the middle of the class, and even sat in the middle seat of the school bus. So I naturally assumed I would be considered middle class in my adult life. Hell, even today if I take an airline flight I always fly middle class.
Now, after all those years of thinking I was actually a middle class person, the truth finally comes out. I was really a low to poor class person and no one bothered to point that out to me. Until today, when I watched a news report that said middle class incomes have dropped from $130,000 to $93,000 which is a ten point drop from 61% in 1971 to 51% today.
Considering I never made anywhere close to $130,000 or $93,000 in my entire life means that I was never a middle class person. I could have sat in the back row in school, in the rear of the school bus, and flown “Wing-And-A-Prayer” airlines and saved myself a few bucks, which may or may not have put me in up there in the middle class.
So, where am I? If I’m not upper class or middle class, does that mean I have no class at all? Does it take a lot of money to get into one of those classes? If it does, then I’m basically screwed. Because I can’t even afford to enroll in any classes.
But then, what kinda class am I in if I make less than that lowest income figure of $93,000?
According to the “Department of Health and Human Services,” which helps humans with services, except securing the services of a really good hooker, (congressmen only) a single person who makes $10,400 a year is at poverty level. $21 thousand and change if you are a family of four. Animals in your household do not count. But they should, considering I keep the little SOB’s in food and they pay no rent.
So, I calculated, with my calculator, just how much my income is. I’ve calculated, again with my calculator, that I fall into the “limbo” category. Which classifies me as non-existent. Thereby meaning that I do not fall into any “class,” upper, middle or low.
Actually I fall into the “Box-Car Willie” class. Meaning that if prices on gas and food keep rising, me, my other half and the freakin’ 5 mooching cats will soon be on the road living in a railroad box car. Kinda cramped but the views are great when the door is open.
Scuse me while I break out in a few chords of, “Noooooooobody knows da trouble ah seen.”
So basically anyone under that $93 thousand dollar figure can’t really call themselves middle class people. So….what are we gonna call ourselves? Besides destitute.
How about “Stupid Lowdown Useless Grimy Sloths.” (SLUGS for short) No offense to sloths or actual slugs.
This all means that I, along with the rest of you useless slugs, are just taking up valuable space that the actual middle class and upper class could use to build something on and get richer. Gosh, I feel so ashamed of myself taking up so much of this valuable space.
Eventually we limbo class people will be completely phased out. The only remaining classes will be those in the upper upper class and those in the plain old upper class. Which means that the just plan upper class will be, to the upper upper class, lower class people who take the place of what used to be the really low-class people…..like myself and others. Which means that they too will eventually be phased out leaving just the upper upper class people.
And, with no one from the lower class left to complain about anymore, the upper upper class people will, with all their money and that now freed up space that we took up, will go into deep states of depression, be bored out of their minds, and long for the days when they could relax knowing that us lower class people contributed to their wealth.
It’s kinda like a no win situation for those upper upper class people. After all, when you finally make it to the top and there’s nothing else left to make it to, what else is there? Unless, as Frank Sinatra once said,
New York, New York
I want to wake up in that city
That never sleeps
And find I’m king of the hill
Top of the list
Head of the heap
King of the hill…………………..
YES! That’s it. King of the hill, top of the list, head of the heap!!!!
That’s what all this middle/upper/upper upper class stuff is all about. The final class standing is king of the hill, top of the list, head of the heap, which, obviously is New York City. Those upper upper class people who are left after all of us lower class SLUG people are gone will fight it out among themselves. Winner takes all.
As we, in that SLUG category, observe their triumph from a great distance………………
From the 2,200 acres at the Fresh Kills Landfill site over there on Staten Island. Beautiful view of Manhattan, plenty of stuff to sort through to keep us occupied, great for bird watchers, and, and, the best part……………
We’ll never have to worry about those upper upper class people attempting to be king of our hill, or top of our heap.
See…………..being a lower class slug does have its advantages.
(DONATE) The totally low class MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal auxiliary site at the Fresh Kills landfill. Ignore that putrid odor when you go to donate. We’re renovating the Fresh Kills landfill to make it into a really nice park and you know how it gets really smelly on a hot August day down there.
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