No disrespect to Bozo the clown of course. Who most likely has more brains than any bureaucrat. So what exactly is a “bureaucrat?” I’ll tell ya. A freakin Bozo…oops, I just repeated myself. Sorry.
Ok….bureaucrat: “An official who narrowly adheres to a rigid routine.” Like brushing their teeth, going to the bathroom, eating, and never answering their calls when you call them, unless it’s an election year, and even that’s iffy.
So why am I off on bureaucrats today. Simply because I needed a question answered about Medical coverage through the government’s Medicare/Medicaid/Medithis program which is so confusing that by the time you figure it all out you’ve already died from either brain overload burnout from being on hold or listening to voice mail messages, none of which address your problem. All of which leads you to discover why the Japanese invented hari kari. From dealing with bureaucrats.
The act of performing hari kari is in no way related to or associated with Drew Carey.
Now choosing Medicare/Medicaid plans may all seem simple to some of you. Namely the idiots who drew up these plans and published a government manual consisting of a gazillion pages of explanations, none of which include how to perform hari kari. Which, to me, seemed like the most logical choice after reading those gazillion pages.
So, what to do? Simple. You pick up the phone and call a number listed in the manual. Get put on hold until another number kicks in and says that you should dial another number if you listen to the 300 prompts that tell you which other number to call depending upon which prompt you selected and if you chose the correct one. If you didn’t, then return to “GO” and do not collect $200 dollars. But you may qualify for a free get out of jail pass. Which you’ll obviously need for sending threatening letters to the Medicare/Medicaid people who don’t answer their phones.
Now this may all seem trivial to you. Perhaps it is. Perhaps I’m overreacting. Perhaps I’m just nuts. Or just plain stupid because all I wanted was an answer to one single question. Which was, “Who the F**K works at these places that can’t answer a freakin’ phone?” Where the hell are the “job creators” who are supposed to be creating jobs and could be creating jobs by creating a freakin’ job in these places that I call consisting of people who could actually have a job answering phones?
Ya see folks. Politicians are screaming that they’re going to create jobs because they know the jobs they need to fill are telephone answering people in bureaucratic offices. THAT’S where all the job creating is gonna take place. It’s all a sinister plan to get us all out there and vote for anyone who says they’re going to create jobs because they all know we’re all tired of being put on hold or listening to telephone prompts. And funeral music, while we wait for the next available representative…..who may or may not be available in this lifetime. At least in my lifetime.
Call your local Social Security office and you get, “Please leave a message and we’ll get back to you before the Mayan prediction of the world ending on December 21st…..maybe.” Call your state government office and receive several prompts on which button to push along with another number to call if you’re unsure which button to push. Call your Congressman and get a real life person, (honest) who will then plead insanity with no knowledge of what the hell you’re talking about because they’re just answering the Congressman’s phone to give you a feeling of self-satisfaction that you actually reached a live human being. Kinda like masturbation. The joy only lasts for a few seconds and then your all alone. But, satisfied….unlike feeling the frustration of being on the phone and on hold.
Now, to sum all of my ranting up, I did eventually talk to a real live honest to goodness person. After five days of phone calls, six swigs of Jack Daniels, a few tranquilizers, and three trips out to my backyard to bang my head against an Oak tree. The squirrels weren’t exactly happy with me.
I know this person reads my blogs, because when I talked to her, I slipped my blog url into our conversation, as I always do, because I’m such a shallow person. Her name is Loretta, and….Loretta, you are the best. May you hit the Powerball jackpot for being so helpful, and, of course, kick in a few bucks to ol Misfit. Hey….I told ya I was shallow.
The moral to this story is this. If you consistently encounter a string of bureaucrats, phone prompts, referrals to other phone prompts and an occasional Marvin Hamlisch, (RIP) song when you’re on hold, do not give up.
NO! Swig that Jack Daniels, take those tranquilizers, bang your head against an Oak tree, beat up an old lady with a walker, but, keep on trying. Eventually you’ll succeed. Perseverance is the word here folks.
Just like when you bug, (prompts) the hell outta your other half for sex and she keeps telling you she has a headache. Eventually she’ll give in if only to shut you up.
Unless the only way you communicate with your other half is via text or phone messages……..
Then you’re basically screwed……..or not……literally.
Thanks again Loretta. Might wanna print this blog out on your printer and pass it on to your immediate supervisor just to prove to her/him you by far are the best.
Oh yeah….and if ya get a raise….might wanna kick in a few bucks to Misfit too.
Sorry….I just can’t help being shallow.
(DONATE) The ever unpopular MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Unlike a lot of the bureaucrats I attempted to contact with no success, PayPal actually does have real life people who you can talk to. Then again, why you’d want to talk to them is beyond me. I never have any problems with PayPal. Which may be the main reason they have actual live people answering their phones. Nobody ever calls.
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In memory of Marvin Hamlisch, and, to soothe any of you who are currently uptight from dealing with bureaucrats, my favorite Hamlisch song:
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV