Ukraine Says That Sponge Bob Square Pants is Gay. OMG!!!!

I’m tellin’ ya, I’ve really gotta stop reading stories that come out of these foreign countries. Yesterday it was about “Pussy Riot” the punk rock group in jail for protesting in a Russian cathedral, and now it’s some nut case in the Ukraine claiming that Sponge Bob Square Pants is gay and a bad influence on children between the ages of 3 and 5.

Aw comon’ now….do we really look gay? Geez. It’s only because I have a medical problem with water retention.

How exactly did they determine this?  How exactly can anyone determine if a sponge is gay? And even if they are, who gives a rats ass. I’ve spent many an hour washing my truck with a number of different sponges and not once….not one time did any of those sponges make any unwanted advances towards me or give me any indication that they were gay when I took any of them out of my closet.

HEY! If they cleaned my truck and had no complaints with me sticking their spongy bodies into soapy hot water and then rubbing them all over the surface of my truck, what’s the problem?  AND, even if they were gay, you’d think getting rubbed on a truck would give them lots of enjoyment After all, it IS a Dodge RAM! Any self-respecting sponge that happens to be gay, or not, would jump at the chance to be rubbed all over a Ram.

Geez, the Dodge Ram slogan on TV ads with deep voiced Sam Elliott is enough for me to wanna be rubbed all over a Ram myself….and I’m not even a sponge. Especially when Sam says in his deep-throated voice, “Guts, Glory, Ram.” That and the fact that one commercial shows a guy driving black Dodge Ram and a bunch of hell bent kick your ass looking motorcyclists come up along side him, give him a sneering look, then drive on after approving of his driving a bad ass truck.

If that what it takes for a bunch of motorcyclists to leave my butt alone….I’m buying a Dodge mother****ing Ram 250,000.

(I think they only make 1,500 and 3,500 Hemi Rams, but I’m sure the 250,000 Super Hemi will be on the market soon. I’m still waiting)

What I envision my Dodge Ram 250,000 to look like. Model is an option, but, if Dodge wants to throw her in for plugging Dodge Rams in this blog, hell…I’ll take her.

Anyhow, getting back to Sponge Bob Square Trousers. The Ukrainians are obviously a skittish bunch of people to feel threatened by a dam sponge. Their “National Commission for the Protection of Morality” in the Ukraine obviously doesn’t have much morality issues affecting the Ukraine if all they have to be concerned with is a freakin’ sponge.

I have no idea how the head of the morality commission, Irina Medvedeva came to the conclusion that Sponge Bob was gay. But, she is recommending a countrywide ban of Spongy so that the Ukraine will be, “clear of sexist propaganda.” Obviously Medvedeva has never seen Lady Ga Ga, Madonna, the Kardashians or Donald Trump. Not to mention The Simpsons or Family Guy shows. Or any of our political candidates. Now THERE’S morality and propaganda issues as far as I’m concerned.

Boy is she gonna have a wake up call if she ever gets cable TV.

Then again, Sam Elliott is gonna be in a lot of trouble in the Ukraine for even mentioning the word “RAM” in Dodge TV commercials.

Guts…..Glory….Ram! And if you so much as touch my freakin’ Dodge or even call it gay I’m blowin’ yer freakin’ head off you nutjob.

If she’s so upset about sponges and thinks Sponge Bob is gay, what he hell is she gonna think about Sam using the word “RAM” in a TV spot? OMG!!!

I can see the headlines in the Ukraine now:

“National Commission for the Protection of Morality says Sam Elliott is gay for using the word RAM in a biggggg truck commercial.”

Geez……Dodge better not use “stick” shifts in their commercials in the Ukraine.

Explosive, if not suggestive connotations linking  the word “ram” and “showing stick shift” in a Dodge if ya ask me.

Guts……glory……out of the closet……RAM!

(UPDATE)  More disgusting creatures have been added to the Ukraine list of programs they want to ban. They are, “Family Guy,” “Futurama,” “Pokeman,” (which I can almsot understand because no one wants some man poking around) “The Simpsons,” and “Teletubbies.”

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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