The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, “Who’s white horse it that outside?”
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, “It’s my horse. Why do you want to know?”
The cowboy looks at him and says, “Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don’t look too good.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.It is then he notices that there isn’t a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.
Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, “Who’s white horse is that outside?”
Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, “That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?”
“Nothing,” replies the cowboy, “I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running.”
Yes, I know, lame joke, but I simply couldn’t resist printing that one considering I’m writing a blog about the new “Lone Ranger” movie starring “Johnny Depp” as “Tonto” and “Armie Hammer,” (who?) as the Lone Ranger.
Who the hell is Armie Hammer and does he own any stock in that baking soda company?
(looking up Armie on Wikipedia)
Ohhhhh. Now I know who Armie is. He was in the 2010 movie, “Social Network” portraying the “Winklevoss” twins. (doesn’t say which twin he portrayed) AND….I also have no clue who the “Winklevoss” twins are either other than they do a commercial for pistachio nuts on TV. He also starred in the 2011 movie, “J. Edgar.” (which was not about the puppets Charlie McCarthy and Edgar Bergen) Armie played J. Edgar’s verrrrrry close friend “Clyde Tolson.”
Ok, enough of that. I tend to digress sometimes when I write. It’s a writers sickness.
Sooo, Johnny Depp is going to play “Tonto,” and, as in that “injun” line at the end of that joke, some “injuns’…..um, sorry, some Indians are upset that Depp, in playing “Tonto” is simply stereotyping your average Indian according to a story in the Associated Press this week. Considering most Indians did not have stereos or typewriters back during the ol West days I can’t really understand how this would upset any Indian. Can’t actually stereotype an Indian if they didn’t have access stereos or typewriters.
However, Gyasi Ross, (no relation to Betsy Ross) and a member of the “Blackfeet Nation” located in Montana, which is not a foreign country, and has family in the “Squamish Tribe” outside of Seattle, says that Depp playing Tonto has reawakened feelings about a character that has drawn much criticism over the years as being a Hollywood creation guilty of spreading stereotypes.
Kinda like vague references to Indians in names like, “The Atlanta Braves,” “Cleveland Indians,” and people who are Indian givers. But, they really shouldn’t get all bent outta shape. I mean look at it this way. There are baseball teams named the “Padres” and “Cardinals” and ya don’t see the Catholic church getting all bonkers over those names. Most likely because the church is either into baseball big time, or, they don’t have TVs and have no clue as to the names of those two teams.
But, some Native Americans welcome the new movie. Parts were filmed on the Navajo Nation with the tribe’s support, and one tribe in Oklahoma recently made Depp an honorary member. Which allows him to purchase cigarettes and blankets at a really good discount. This due to the “sovereign nation” rule.
Meanwhile, others, who quite don’t see things in a normal way that the rest of us see things, like, “Hey, it’s just a freakin’ movie for cripes sake!”……are all up in arms because of the way Tonto was portrayed back in the 1950’s AD on television as an Indian who spoke in broken English, wore buckskin, and lacked any real cultural traits. Kinda like Arnold Schwarzenegger except, as far as I can determine, was never a part of any Indian tribe.
On a more positive note, according to the various smoke signals I’ve been able to decipher from my mountaintop MisfitWisdom retreat, most Native Americans are opening their arms to the new movie. Many are excited that Depp is playing the role of Tonto and not someone like “Jay Silverheels” who tends to speak in broken English, wears buckskin, lacks any real cultural values and only knows one Indian word….”Kemo Sabe.”
Considering Depp is quite versatile when it comes to portraying various characters such as “Captain Jack Black” in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, “Willie Wonka,” and “Edward Scissorhands,” none of which were stereotype characters, with the exception of “Scissorhands,” because, according the “Landscaping Society of America,” it demeaned all landscapers, I think playing Tonto will really not offend most Indians.
What should really offend people is the fact that the “Lone Ranger” still wears a mask. What is he hiding? Is he really ugly and is hiding that fact? Is he really into facial mask stuff like a lot of women doing facial treatments use? Is he maybe secretly into bondage? And why does he always get the really good horse? Figure that one out Kemo Sabes.
If Cheyenne and Apapaho, (no relation to Arizona Sheriff Joe Arapaio) are willing to give Depp and the movie a chance, says filmmaker Chris Eyre, (no relation to Jane Eyre) then what’s the big deal Kemo Sabe?
In conclusion, should I have offended any Indians in the writing of today’s blog and you have any intention of scalping me, forget it! I’m bald. However, if it really upsets you that much, keep in mind that Depp and Armie both sport really good hair. just sayin’.
I wanted to just say it one last time……..
Adios Kemo Sabe.
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