“Hey Baby, What’s Your Sign?” “In Your Case, It’s, “STOP” You Damn Idiot.”

Yes, the classic “pick up” line, “what’s your sign.” (mine was, “help, I’m desperate!”) Which is the topic today’s MisfitWisdom blog, “Pick Up Lines,” courtesy of “Happen Magazine,” (which won’t “happen”, meaning, you scoring, if you use any of these stupid, lame lines) and courtesy of “Match.com” and writer Rosalind Cummings-Yeates.

In an article entitled, “The Cheeesist Pick Up Lines Of All Time,” Cummings-Yeates lists the ten most cheesist lines used over the years. (No Kraft cheese products were used or injured during the writing of this article)

Soooooo, as usual, MisfitWisdom takes a look at these classic lines and adds some helpful tips that may make using some of them still worth your while. If you’re really desperate and very stupid.

(DISCLAIMER) MisfitWisdom takes no responsibility for any injuries you might incur while using any of these stupid pick up lines. If you’re really that stupid to use any of them you deserve to be injured and possibly beaten to a pulp by any woman you attempt to hit on.

1. The classic old pick up line, “What’s Your Sign,” is possibly the oldest one.  Historians say it could be over 2,000 years old. Which is also as old as some of the guys still using that line.

Cleopatra and Marc Anthony:

“Sooooo Cleo babeee, what’s your sign?”

“SIGN?  SIGN?  What the hell ya talkin’ about Marc?

“The sign you were born under honeeee.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhh. THAT sign.  Um, I think it was, “beware of the asp.”

2. “Pardon me. I seem to have lost my phone. Can I borrow yours?”

Obviously if this nerd lost his damn phone, any smart woman would tell him to get lost. This is usually a hint that if he’s prone to losing things, he could very well misplace you as well. Not good if you’re spending a romantic evening at a hotel, he goes out to get some ice, doesn’t return for hours, and you find him in another woman’s room because he couldn’t find you, so he went with another woman before the ice melted.

3. “You must be a broom. Because you’re sweeping me off my feet.”

Be very careful if you fall for this line which is usually used by shallow type guys. Once he gets tired of sweeping you up with his broom, he’ll be using another classic line on you.

“Honeeee, does your face hurt?”

“Um, no, why baby?”

“Cause it’s killing me!”

4. “Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy.”

Obviously this pick up line is usually used by some jerk who’s driving a pre 1970 model car and he just wants to suck you into thinking you’re hot but is actually after your car. Unless you’re driving a pre 1970 car too, in which case, both of you are a perfect match.

5. “I got a thirst baby. You look like my Gatorade.”

This line works well in a sports bar where there are a lot of jocks. But personally I think only jockettes would fall for this line. However, if you’re really into sports, drinking Gatorade, and wearing wife beater shirts, go for it.

6. “Are you lost? Because Heaven’s a long way from here.”

This line is usually used by retired preachers or a very religious person. Be careful. Your relationship may involve spending your time together knocking on people’s doors in various neighborhoods convincing them to read those little handout pamphlets.

7. “Are you religious?  Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”

Now I personally pray to hit the lottery rather than praying for a hot babe to come into my life. I figure it this way. If I hit the lottery I won’t need to pray for a hot babe because they’ll come flocking to me cause I’m rollin’ in dough. So blow away any guy using this line. Unless he’s already hit the lottery.

8. “Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.”

This line has “perv” written all over it. Any guy who still believes in Santa Claus has gotta be a nutcase.  Let him take your picture and you know damn well what he’s going to do with it once he gets home.  Tell him to get lost and hand him a piece of coal.

9. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

Obviously a guy who spends waaaay too much time in front of a mirror. Not a good choice if you’re looking to share an apartment with him. He’d just hog up the bathroom mirror admiring himself, which means you’d never get to put on your makeup correctly before going out, which means no other guy is gonna look at you, which means other guys are gonna tell him you’re a dog, which means he’ll eventually dump your butt, and eventually use that same pick up line on someone else. Tell him, when he uses that line, to “walk by again” then beat feet for the nearest exit. Might wanna leave your compact with a mirror on the table so that he can use that line on himself.

(P.S…….the above would also make another great “Direct TV” commercial starting with, “If you fall for a pickup line………..”)

10. “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”

Does the word, “egomaniac” come to mind?  BUT…..play along with this great line and give him your other two wishes. Which are: “I wish you were an Oscar Mayer weiner.” And, “Come here Fido, nice doggie, boy have I got a treat for you!”

Kinda like the guy who had three wishes from a genie.  1. I wish I were the handsomest guy on the face of the earth.  (kazoom, genie grants his wish)  2. I wish I had all the money in the world.  (kapow, genie grants his wish)  3. I wish I was the greatest stud on the face of this earth. (Whammo, he winds up on a Goodyear radial tire on an Interstate highway.

In conclusion, there really aren’t any good pick up lines. Just pick up objects.

Like lighting your cigarette with a hundred-dollar bill while flashing your expensive diamond ring after having plastic surgery so that you look like Jake Gyllenhaal, Tom Selleck, Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

Works every time.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser to go to the PayPal site. I , personally, am an Aquarian, which is the “water bearer” which means I go to the bathroom an awful lot. Which is the one reason when using that old pick up line, “what’s your sign” never worked for me. I was always in the bathroom. Which made my sign,”mens room.”

(Donations as of 7/26/12………..0

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Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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