Arizona Sherrif Joe Arpaio: “Tell That Varmint, (George Lopez) To Meet Me At High Noon!

“Ahm the toughest ass kickin’ meanest SOB’in Sheriff on the face of this earth ya damn panty waists. UM, scuse me, it’s time for my afternoon nap before I go to bingo tonight.”

“OK podners. Lets round up the posse and snag that damn varmint George Lopez. That low down no good dirty rotten bushwhacker said some disparaging remarks about me and ah ain’t gonna take it.”

“Um Sheriff, what is it exactly Lopez said. I sure as hell don’t wanna get all shot up chasin’ any varmints unless I know what I’m chasin’ a dirty no good rotten bushwhacker for.”

“Son that thar Lopez guy told me to go F**K yourself!  Or Myself….whatever. The damn nerve of that guy. Doesn’t he know that ahm 80 years old and can’t actually do that anymore?”

Yep, ol Sheriff Joe is quite upset at comedian George Lopez for saying that.  So, he’s invited George to come on down, (an old Bob Barker “Price Is Right” term) to Arizona and duke it out…..somewhat.

Also saying, “What! Is he, (Lopez) the spokesman for the open border people?”

Actually Sheriff Joe said he’d take Lopez to a Mexican lunch. “Let’s meet face to face and see how you act then.”  Said the mighty fearless Sheriff.

GEORGE!!! Don’t Go!  It’s a trap!  It’s a trap I tell ya!  You’ll get down there and be surrounded by Sheriff Joe’s Posse and thrown in the hoosegow!

As you all know by now, Sheriff Joe is all up in arms, and legs, about illegal aliens crossing into Arizona.  (not the ones from outer space) He’s been an outspoken critic of immigration and President Obama as well. He’s presently still questioning Obama’s eligibility to be President.

Where the hell was Sheriff Joe when ya needed him?

Yes Sheriff. We gotta stop him before he actually becomes President. Which is the mind-set of anyone who gets their daily Arizona newspaper four-years too late because their subscription fell behind and once they (Sheriff Joe) paid it up, they sent him back issues dating back to 2007.  Boy has he got some catching up to do.

The Sheriff also has what he calls a “cold case posse” which I believe is a posse that either has a lot of Bud Lite six packs on ice in their trucks, or horses, or it’s a posse that is still looking into the case of Obama’s eligibility to be President. (they get the same old newspapers as the Sheriff or they’ve had too many Bud Lites)

So, where is this all going? Either Lopez is gonna tell Sheriff Joe to get a freakin’ life…OR, as Lopez would say, “Get A *F**KING Life,” or, he might meet with Sheriff Joe and duke it out, OR decide to meet at the OK Corral, as in “Gunfight At The OK Corral,” and have a big shoot em up.

I’m personally for the Lopez meeting Sheriff Joe option at some corral, or shopping center parking lot in Arizona, and having an old honest to goodness gunfight.

Main Street showing Sheriff Joe’s office.

“OK Lopez ya stinkin’ low down rotten varmint….draw!”

“Oh sure Sheriff, ya want ME to draw first so then you can say I provoked ya….no way Jose!”

“Thar ya go again, usin’ them Mexican terms…. I said DRAW!”

“Look you damn idiot. Either you draw first or ahm callin’ in my comedian posse and have them run ya over with a bunch or horse hoofs. Even better, ya see that Taco Bell restaurant over there. One move for yer gun and all them employees, (illegal immigrants from Mexico) will stomp out here and shove a bunch of hot jalapeno peppers down yer throat!”


“OMG!  Ah think I’m hit you dirty no good ratfink comedian!

“OMG!  I’m hit too. Who the hell was doin that shootin?”

(From out of the Sheriff’s office comes his right, or left hand man, Festus, (played by Ken Curtis) and he leans over the mortally wounded Sheriff and Lopez and tells them who it was)

“Gasp…..tell us Festus….(gasp) tell us….who was it that shot us all up?”

“Sheriff, it was those Secret Service guys because you’re such a freakin’ idiot.”

(Lopez) “But….b-b-b-ut who would shoot a funny comedian like me?”

“Oh, you were shot by those Mexicans working at Taco Bell for making them go off the clock just to stuff some hot jalapeno peppers down the Sheriffs throat.”

(NOTE) Additionally AARP wanted to get in on the action because Sheriff Joe is 80 and they felt he was making all 80-year-old seniors belonging to AARP look stupid)

“THE END” (cue in Leo the Lion)

(DONATE) OK podners. Saddle up yer horsies and skedaddle over to the MisfitWisdom PayPal trough and make a damn donation. If the link (below) is not highlighted, (blue) simply mount yer horse, trot over to the “copy and paste” corral and paste that thar link into your browser to get to the PayPal corral. Meet ya at the old saloon later for a drink or two. Guns optional. Scooters, walkers and canes must be tied up to the hitchin’ post outside.  AARP members get a discount.

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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