AP 7/19/12 “The poverty line for a family of four according to the government is $22,314”
Time Magazine: 7/30/12 “14,000 which is the number of vacant or unused buildings owned by the U.S. government costing taxpayers $190 million in maintenance each year.”
Folks, I’m really distressed. I think I may have just been categorized at being in the 1%. You know, those people who the “Occupy Wall Street” (and other streets) movements have been protesting against.
YES! According to the Veterans Administration in a recent evaluation that I received from them, I am now above the threshold for receiving my prescriptions from the VA for free. I was stunned. ME! ME! over the threshold! For cripes sake this is earth shattering news. I am no longer one of you lowdown 99% people.
Do you know what this means? It means I can now hob nob with the likes of Mitt Romney, Sarah and Bristol Palin, and celebrities like George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Holy crap! I’ve finally made it to the big time. Bring it on Wall Street Protestors!
YES folks. I make a whopping $14,200 a year. Do you have any idea how much that is?
Cripes, it’s enough to actually survive living if I stay in the house every day and do not go anywhere, such as going to any entertainment venues, or buy lottery tickets, or gas up my truck, or buy any new clothes, or eat out at McDonald’s, or buy a large coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Hell, I’ve officially made it to the big time!
(calling my accountant)
“Hi, Marvin, this is Misfit. Listen, the VA just put me in the 1% category which means I’m right up there with the elite. I wanna run for President of the United States with all of this new-found wealth. Can ya help me get started here?”
“Well ol buddy. Congratulations. So, how much money do you have for advertising to begin with?”
“Would twenty bucks get me any air time?”
“Um, no. You need at least 50 or 60.”
“50 or 60 bucks. Geez, that’s pushing it a bit but I might be able to swing it.”
“No, no, no….50 or 60 thousand bucks!”
“WHAT! I don’t even make that in one stinkin’ year. How am I gonna run my campaign and advertise then?”
“Well, for starters you have to raise funds, get yourself a campaign bus, possibly a reality show, or have a child out-of-wedlock and then the money will come rolling in.”
“Hmmm. I don’t think that’s gonna work Marvin. I can’t afford to buy a bus, or even put gas in my truck to even go out and buy a bus on credit. What am I gonna do. The VA says I’m in the 1% so I should be able to raise all the money I want by just being classified as in the 1%.”
“Have you tried putting up a web site and asking for donations?”
“Yeah, I have a donate site on my blog and no one, except one guy from Rhode Island, donated, and that was just 5 bucks. Which I used to put towards paying the VA for the prescriptions that they are now billing me for.”
Hmmmm. Well let’s see. Do you own any property in the Cayman Islands?”
“Have you ever held any political office?”
“No. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn express once.”
“Doesn’t count unless you stayed at the Beverly Hills Hilton. Have you ever done any of the following things. Tied a dog to the roof of your car. Hired burglars to break into a hotel. Had sex with an intern. Showed your penis on the Internet. Dressed up in women’s clothing while attending a session of Congress. Or ever posed nude for a magazine?
“Um….no, I don’t think I’ve ever done any of those things. With the exception of posing for Playgirl magazine once, but, they never printed the photo, does that still count?”
“Only if you held a political office and the photo surfaced and then you had to resign that office….sorry.”
(sigh) “So does this mean even though I’m now in the 1%, according to the VA, that I’m still not qualified to run for office?”
“I’m afraid so. You have to understand Misfit that even though you are now in the one percent and rolling in dough, that it takes more than just money, and the VA telling you that you’re now in the 1%, to run for President.”
“Possibly getting those Occupy Wall Street people to occupy your own street and protest in front of your house because you’re now in the 1% which will then bring you in tons of donations from those other 1% people who feel your pain and feel sorry for you. Then with all of that money and publicity you amass you’ll be able to run a good solid campaign. Might think about strapping your five cats to the roof of your truck just to get some publicity too.”
“Hmmmm. Sounds like a lot of work to me. Think I’ll pass and call the people at Social Security and ask them if I can take a pay cut.”
“WHY? Why would you do that?’
“Cause it seems like those 1% people really don’t have a lot of fun and a lot of people hate them for being so rich. I kinda like being in the 99% category and not having to pay for my VA prescriptions. Being rich would mean I’d have to give up eating Spam….and I love Spam.”
“Geez…..is it THAT important to you rather than the fame and fortune of running for President? Why…..Why….would you pass this up?”
“Cause I used to get my Viagra prescription for free.”
“Oh….good point. In that case, skip running for office and take a cut in your Social Security check.”
“No problem….say….can you give me a couple of those Viagra pills….I’m running low.”
(For The Record) The Veterans Administration “means test” says that in order to qualify for free prescriptions the threshold income level is $12,256. Somewhat close to what all of us wealthy people presently make)
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue…like the Viagra pill) copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Large donations accepted, however, it’s easier to hide the smaller ones from the VA just in case they attempt to reclassify me into another category…..which is slightly above poverty but still at the 1% category.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV
(Disclaimer) No actual Viagra pills were used or harmed while writing this blog.