It’s The 4th of July!!! Sooooo, um….what happened on this day?

Besides keeping track of all the hotdogs and hamburgers I’ve eaten on this day, a lot more important things happened. For one, the signing of the lease for Independence Hall in Philadelphia that those independent guys were renting so that they could all meet for their weekly poker game and discuss, among other things, how to free themselves from Britain charging outrageous rental fees for a silly brick building in Philadelphia.

I think they were a bit pissed off that Britain was also taxing them, (the colonists I think) without getting any representation. Meaning that the British wanted money from the colonists but were not willing to ante up any money to join in those weekly poker games.

Eventually, some rebel rousers, Tommy Jefferson, (who got a job on Harry’s Law) Johnny Adams, Sammy Adams, (who went on to make some really good beer) and Johnny Hancock, (who was famous for signing a lot of things) decided that they had enough. So, along with a bunch of other rowdys, they declared their independence by signing a long piece of paper stating that they were declaring their independence and decided to call it, “The Declaration of Independence.”

Originally, they wanted to call it, “The Declaration Sticking It To Britain,” but Jefferson thought that it was rather harsh thinking that it might really tick off the British and he might have his English passport pulled and then not be able to visit his girlfriend back in England.

There are a lot of interesting facts, other than the ones I just told you about, when it comes to the 4th of July. Foremost, that ironically, the 4th of July always falls on the 4th of July.

When horses were the only means of transportation back in the olden days, which I personally do not remember, it was the most miserable day for horses due to kids setting off firecrackers which scared the horses out of their gourds which led to a lot of horse crap in the streets which led to the invention of the automobile by Henry Ford who was sick and tired of stepping in horse crap.

Ironically on the 4th of July in 1826, both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on the same day. I do not believe that either of the two men had planned it that way. But, considering there were no CSI investigative teams in 1826 to see if the British were involved, (revenge) it still seems rather odd to me.

There are 30 places nationwide with the word “Liberty” in their name. Liberty, Missouri is one of them with the highest population. Contrary to opinion, there is no town named “Liberty Valence,” although there might be some sort of monument in honor of the guy who shot Liberty Valence. John Wayne I think.

(pause) A moment for you to pay tribute to the man who shot Liberty Valence:

There are five places named, “Freedom.” one is Freedom, California. One place named “Patriot,” which is in Indiana. And there are 5 places named America. The most populated of which is American Fork, Utah. Yes, I know, Independence, Missouri too. In West Virginia there’s a town called “Big Ugly” which I think may have been in honor of one really unnamed ugly guy who signed the Declaration of Independence.

Ben Franklin, who as we all know spent a lot of time flying kites, took some time off to meet with Jefferson and Adams to discuss what the national animal should be. Franklin wanted the turkey to be the symbol, and when Jefferson and Adams regained their composure from uncontrollable laughing at such a stupid idea, they threw him out during a violent thunderstorm that night and both decided that the national symbol should be a bald eagle.

It was on that night that Franklin discovered electricity with his kite flying stuff.

The oldest 4th of July continuous parade is held each year in Bristol, Rhode Island. Because the state is so small and the parade is really long, it begins in Massachusetts and ends in Connecticut. (not really but it seems that way)

Famous people born on the 4th. Malia Obama, George Steinbrenner, Neil Simon, Ron Kovic and Calvin Coolidge. If you only recognized Steinbrenner’s name, you’re a damn Yankee fan and think Malia Obama is short for Michelle Obama, that Neil Simon is either Carly Simon’s brother or Simple’s twin, that Ron Kovic was Archie Bunker’s son-in-law and that  Coolidge is the last name of “Calvin” in the comics.

Henry David Thoreau moved into his shack on Walden’s Pond on July 4th 1845. He was given a discount on his rent due to the holiday and the fact that he moved in on the 4th, thereby saving 3 days extra rent.

In 1964, and THIS is monumental, the number one song on the 4th of July was, “I Get Around” by the Beach Boys. Considering most of the Beach Boys are well into their 60’s, and STILL able to “get around” doing concerts, THAT is monumental.

41 million Americans spend the 4th at other people’s houses.  Meanwhile, 41 million house burglars are breaking into those people’s house because they know they’re not at home because they’re at other people’s houses.

Finally, when it comes to food on the 4th. 700 million chickens are purchased on this day. Which is quite an unlucky day for chickens, which is why chickens do not celebrate the 4th. And, 150 million hot dogs are cooked on grills. For some odd reason I could not find any statistics on hamburgers. This could be due to the fact that because McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King cook so many hamburgers, along with those cooked on backyard grills on the 4th, there isn’t a calculator powerful enough to figure it all out. Or anyone really interested in finding out. Or…..the makers of hot dogs and chickens paid off the people who add things up to suppress the hamburger stats to make hamburgers really look bad.

So, there ya have it. What really happened on the 4th of July.

As for the 5th of July………

Who gives a rats ass. (which I don’t think anyone cooks on the 4th)

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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