*”THIS”……being the latest nerd invention from those brainiacs at “Google” that everyone is gonna go bonkers over, including anyone who makes laws, who will immediately introduce legislation to ban this item while you’re driving, walking, eating, having sex, or reading a stupid blog…like this one.
WHY! Because you can get killed, injured or severely pummeled to death by your spouse if you wear one of these while having sex. Not to mention the driving, walking, eating and reading hazards.
So what is “THIS?” It’s this innocent looking device pictured below.
YES. Google will be selling this device, which will be called, “Project Glass” for a mere $1,500 to people attending their annual conference in San Francisco for computer programmers.
“OH GOD! OH GOD! I gotta have one!
Um…….what exactly does it do?”
Well ya damn pervert, (if you actually think it has x-ray vision) it does the following. You can receive directions to your next destination, (like having a GPS system in your eyeball) or you can receive text messages from anyone that will appear literally before your eyes.
Like if you have these glasses on and you’re cheating on your spouse, (refer to Saturday’s blog) and your other half knows you’re out screwing around and sends you a text message just at that critical moment during sex that says something like, “I know what you’re doing you dirty bastard and in two seconds I’m coming through the door and I have a loaded gun.” THAT kind of literal text message.
Suggestion: Might not wanna wear these new glasses during sex. Well, at least during sex with someone you’re not supposed to be having sex with. Unless you’re really freakin’ blind and need glasses. In that case, wear your regular glasses and get your text messages later. Just a helpful hint here.
With these glasses you can also converse with your friends in a video chat, take photos, or even do things like buy something on-line as you walk around. Obviously much more sophisticated than dinosaur texting. Or, as I like to call it, “The many more available options of ways to die for those of you who will attempt to use this device while driving.”
“Holeeee cow Bert….WOW! I can’t believe the video I’m watching of Lady Ga Ga stripping off all of her clothes and simulating an intimate moment with a pound of ground beef.! This is great! Here I am tooling down the Interstate at 60 MPH and watching this fantastic video with one eyeball and watching the road with my other eyeba…………………………..Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” (crunching sound)
“Marvin! Marvin! A ya ok……Marvin?”
“Noooooooooo problem Bert. Just a slight mishap here ol buddy. Wanna just call me an ambulance. I’m just gonna lay here and watch reruns on my “Project Glass”of Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s series on how to reattach a severed arm while lying along side of the highway using duct tape.”
This new invention has been in development for more than two years from “Google X,” which is a secret facility, obviously funded by Google. Most likely located somewhere in Nevada near “Area 51,” which is, as we all know, is a secret area located somewhere in Nevada. (we don’t know much about “Area 51” because it’s supposed to be a secret)
However, because Google’s area is located in “Area 52” we were able to find out about this new invention. Along with the other not so secret inventions Google is working on such as the self-driving car and an elevator that people will be able to ride into space. Hopefully without listening to boring elevator music while you’re taking the trip.
So, if you’re planning on cleaning out your bank account of your life savings just to be the first to get one of these new neato glasses, better hold off jusssst a bit longer. Google says they will not be available to the general public until early 2014.
Until then you’ll just have to be content with your present pair of garden variety glasses.
If you find that you just can’t wait that long, strap your laptop or tablet device to your forehead with some duct tape for the same effect.
NOTE: Duct tape was specifically invented for such use at “Area 51” back in the early 50’s when the government needed something to hold alien body parts and space ship debris together after many failed attempts using “Elmer’s Glue.”
Geez….it’s amazing the things ya learn on “Wikipedia.”
(DONATE) The always alien and completely Google sanctioned MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link, (also held together with duct tape) is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site……which was originally a site located at “Area 51” but made public after way too many people became aware of it. Except for those of you who do not donate because you think PayPal is STILL at “Area 51” and it makes you nervous……….Norvos.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV
For those of you who will undoubtedly either drive and text, send e-mails, shop, or watch a move one these new glasses, a subtle reminder from Nervous Norvos: