Professional Tennis Players Can’t Grunt Anynore….OMG! That’s The Best Part Of Watching!

As in baseball, (yesterdays blog) tennis umpires also come from the same umpire school.

Yep….grunting is out! If you’re a professional tennis player, and, you’re obviously playing professional tennis, say like at “Citi Field” in Flushing Queens, New York, AND you’re a (gasp) woman, you can’t grunt.  (men are exempt because, I guess, men tend to legitimately grunt, fart, burp and scratch their balls during tennis games, which, is ok)

In a ruling by the World Tennis Association and the International Tennis Federation, (a bunch of people who decide what grunting rules apply to balls) ultra loud grunting will be banned from tennis games.  What exactly “ultra loud” grunting, other than in a person’s bedroom or a public restroom is, wasn’t really defined. Most likely because we’re talking about tennis courts.

Obviously they’re talking about women tennis players who grunt loudly when they take a swing at a ball. This loud grunting has upset Caroline Wozniacki, the runner-up in the 2009 U.S. Open, who filed an objection to loud grunting at last years tournament.

Personally, when I watch tennis tournaments on occasion, (when I’m extremely bored) I’ve actually heard moments of loud grunting but I naturally assumed it was coming from one of the nearby restrooms.  So far banning of grunting in tennis restrooms has not been addressed.

Now the way this grunting violation will be enforced is as follows. Umpires will use a hand-held device to measure the on-court sound and rule whether it exceeds a to-be-announced acceptable level.

How you exactly determine the acceptable level of a grunt is beyond me. Again, I would think it’s about as hard as measuring the acceptable level of a fart. Perhaps as category’s. From one, being mild to unnoticeable, to five, being the mother of all farts. Which I myself have experienced on occasion after eating a can of Bush’s beans.

In this instance, while observing Maria Sharapova on the court, umpires will have to determine if she actually grunted or farted. Based on the photographic evidence, and the position of Maria, I’d lean towards the fart ruling.

Two notable tennis players who have been exempted from this grunting ruling, besides the men, who can grunt all they want to, are Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka.  Most likely because the umpires don’t wanna take a lot of time trying to figure out how to spell their names on grunt violation forms.

With the exception of Serena and Venus Flytrap…………oh, sorry, it’s Williams.

(is it me or do all women tennis players have names that are tough to spell)

HEY UMP! Did Azarenka just grunt! Um…I dunno….I really wasn’t focused on that aspect of the game (pant)

Experts, (those people who know just about every damn thing) commented on the ruling saying that it, “would have a clear damaging effect on performance on the existing generation.”

YES!  Grunting is part of our generation.  I personally grunt getting up out of a chair. Climbing into my truck. During sex, (the getting in and out of bed part) and especially in the bathroom.

To ban grunting outright during tennis games is outrageous. This rule should be struck down immediately before all grunting becomes outlawed.  You know how New York Mayor Bloomberg will just about jump on anything to make a new law. Before ya know it, no grunting in Flushing, Queens New York and everywhere else in the city.

As far as I’m concerned, I kinda like the grunting part when it comes to watching women play tennis.  Because I’m a male chauvinist pig.  It’s a man thing. We just like the grunting because for some odd reason it turns us men on.  Along with those skimpy outfits. Except men who are umpires. Most likely because they all lead dull boring lives. Either that, or they actually are half blind and can’t see the women tennis players who are grunting.

Personally I think everyone should send Caroline Wozniacki an e-mail telling her to cut grunters some slack. Otherwise this movement could have far reaching implications. Bans on bedroom grunting, restroom grunting, just plain old grunting for the sake of grunting, and grunting as a whole.

So that’s it folks. The scoop on grunting. A public service from Misfit Wisdom.

Now, time to (grunt) get outta this chair, (grunt) and grunt my way to the MisfitWisdom patio where my other half awaits my arrival where both of us will attempt some serious grunting of our own as she attempts to hose me down with the garden hose after writing about all this grunting stuff…….and posting those sexy photos of Maria and Victoria.

Doesn’t take much to get me excited ya know.

(DONATE) The (grunt) MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) simply copy and paste it into your browser to get to the PayPal site. Grunting is allowed there as PayPal realizes that anyone donating always grouses and grunts as they reach for their wallet to make a donation.

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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