My morning routine consists of waking up and saying to myself, “Oh Gawd, another freakin’ day.” Which is what most older, (seniors) say when they awake and discover that they’re still alive and breathing. I, of course, take nothing for granted and double-check by reading the obits in my newspaper….jusssst in case I’m in there and Heaven, or, Hell, is waking up in the morning discovering that you’re actually dead and either wearing wings or that it’s unusually hot, and there’s nothing to do in either of those two places but read the morning newspaper.
Seeing that I haven’t bought the farm on any given morning, I then proceed to scan the paper and the Internet for story lines. Which have been, for the most part, sparse lately.
With nothing earth shattering to write about, I usually wander around the house aimlessly trying to come up with a story line for the day. This, as I have written about before, is called “writers block.” When your brain is completely mush.
The last hope a writer has, if he lives with someone, is to ask them if they have any ideas. This is usually not a very good idea because most writers tend to live with someone who has no idea what it takes to come up with story lines day in and day out. Besides, my other half’s sense of humor usually amounts to me having to explain a punch line to her.
For instance. If I said to her, “Yeah that guy is soooo stupid he thinks F**KING is a city in China,” she’d stare at me with a blank look.
(if you didn’t get that one-liner, never go to a comedy club)
So, with that in mind, because I always tend to spin my story lines with humor and make a point at the same time, she came up with an idea for today’s blog. Which I take no responsibility for.
“Dear, I know what you could write about today. How about writing about all the things we didn’t have as kids and all the other things we had to do without.
Failing to see the humorous aspect in writing about that stuff, I plopped myself in front of my computer and began to think about what she had said. Thankful, at the same time, that instead of attempting to give me an idea for a blog, she wasn’t asking me to kill a bug or mow the lawn, or fix this or that, which is what most women tell a guy to do if they see him idle for more than ten seconds.
So here I am trying to think of some of the things we didn’t have as kids and make it funny. But ya know, the first thing that came into my mind was garbage. Yep…..garbage. Yeah, I know we have it today, but it’s not the same garbage as we had as kids. There were actually honest to goodness guys called, “garbage men” who came to your house, (smelling like the high heavens) in big trucks, obviously called “garbage trucks,” and they hauled off garbage for you.
For the record, this garbage was not “trash” garbage but leftover garbage from various meals and meal preparation. You know, banana peels, onion skins, fat scraps, corn cobs, fish bones etc. You took this garbage outside and dumped it into a garbage can and the guy collected it once a week. Now, why do I remember this? Because it was my stinkin,’ (literally) job to empty the original garbage into the garbage container, which I hated, because on a hot summer day, if you opened that garbage lid, it not only stunk to the high heavens, like the garbage truck guys truck, but…….you had to deal with the fly factor as well as the disgusting fly children who were not yet flys. (didn’t want to be disgusting and use the “M” word for baby flys)
Think I’ll pass on supper tonight.
Of course there were only three TV channels you could watch in black and white. None of which had anything worth watching if you were a teenager with the exception of “Dick Clark’s American Bandstand,” “The Micky Mouse Club,” and “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle.” “Which is why to this day I still think oldies music is the best and I have sort of a affection for squirrels and moose.
Hmmmm…..is more than one moose, “mooses?”
What I did have when I turned sixteen was something most of you will never have. Well, maybe just Jay Leno. A 1949 De Soto. (younger people reading this are saying to themselves…..HUH?)
It’s was a car ya dummies. Actually more like a tank. While the other guys were tooling around in souped up Fords, Chevy’s and an occasional Corvette or Thunderbird, (rich SOB’s) here I was in my De Soto. Not necessarily what you would call a “chick magnet.” Come to think of it, I never ever scored with any chick in my De Soto. (sigh)
BUT….I did have one thing going for me that got me through my teenage years without getting my butt kicked by all of the bullies that liked to pick on short kids. I was 5 feet 4 inches tall….or short. (I still am but I don’t know any bullies that might wanna kick my butt) With the exception of Marvin Fergenstein who I run into at town meeting and says that if I don’t vote for Mitt Romney he’s gonna kick my butt.
(I don’t go to town meetings anymore)
That one thing I had going for me that saved my butt was humor. If I could tell those bullies a joke, and they started laughing, I’d run like hell before they remembered they wanted to pulverize me.
Yes, life was much simpler back then. Even politics were much simpler. No super pacs, no Internet, everybody “Liked Ike.” Until JFK came along that is. Annette Funicello on “The Micky Mouse Club” was totally hot. I think mainly because she was the only Mouseketeer that had boobs and that’s why teenagers watched. At least the boys. HEY….it wasn’t to watch some stupid mouse ya know!
“Misfit…..come on now honey, it’s time for supper.”
“Um, just a sec mom……I’m watching Annette on television.”
“Honeeee, come on now. I can tell you’re hungry, your drooling.”
Which brings us back to why “I” write this blog and not my other half. As you can see, her idea of writing about things we didn’t have was kinda lame. Although it did conjure up some fond memories for me of Annette and her…um…….(pant)
Oh well, we’ll just scratch off today’s blog as a result of “writers block” and hope that tomorrow will be a day of great inspiration. One can only hope.
I wake up wearing a pair of wings or it’s extremely hot.
In that event, my other half may take over writing this blog and you’ll all be bored outta your minds. Just sayin.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal, (another thing that wasn’t around back then) link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste it into your browser and it will magically transport you to the PayPal site where you can generously make a donation to the cause. “Cause” I asked ya to. Do it in memory of Mickey, Rocky, Bullwinkle and that vision you almost forgot about of Annette’s boobs. You can thank me later…..or by donating.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV