Remember that song….if you’re old enough to remember it, “I Fought The Law” by the Bobby Fuller Four? If you’re not, it’s available on YouTube. I think I may have posted it in one of my blogs last week as well. My rendition of that song would be, “I Fought Technology, and Technology Won.”
I hate to admit it but yes, (sigh) I am a dinosaur. Soon to be extinct. Years from now when archeologists do a dig here in my town they’ll find remnants of my life scattered among the ruins. An old cassette player, VCR, corded telephone, some paper road maps, a few analog TV’s along with rabbit ears, a cell phone that does nothing but send and receive calls, tons of vinyl LPs, 45s, cassettes, reel to reel tapes, and hundreds of plastic shopping grocery bags.
(I refuse to go “green” and buy those cloth bags because I use the plastic ones for trash can liners and scooping up cat poop)
Yes folks, I am fighting technology even though I know that technology will win in the end. It’s a valiant battle that I refuse to concede. You’ll have to pry those plastic shopping bags outta my cold dead hands first.
This happens to be my main theory about evolution as well. We all die in the end not due to old age, but because we can’t keep up with all this new gizmo stuff they keep inventing. When Charles Darwin, (1809-1882) was figuring out his own theory on evolution I’m sure he was inspired by his frustration with new technology back then. Like, “Why in the hell do I need a damn toilet that flushes when all I have to do is go out to the backyard outhouse. Next thing ya know I’ll have flies in the house too.”
I can relate to Darwin because I say the same thing. Why in the hell do I need a freakin’ $200 GPS system in my truck to give me directions when it costs me absolutely nothing to have my other half hold a damn fold out paper map and read me the same directions as that stupid woman on those GPS systems. And….besides that, when a GPS system is wrong, as it is on occasion, along with my other half, ya can’t yell at it and get a response.
Nothing like a good argument with your spouse when she screws up directions.
Look at it from my point of view. It’s all a sinister plot by the government to make us older people die out of sheer frustration thereby getting all seniors off Social Security benefits which in turn gives the government extra cash to spend on other stuff like carpeting for Congressmen’s offices and $16 dollar blueberry muffins.
And the government is in conflict with scientists who are trying to make us live longer by inventing new life prolonging drugs. On the one hand the government wants us to croak while on the other hand drug companies are trying to make us live longer to make a buck off of us.
Personally, I’m pretty much content to buy the farm when I can’t figure out how to use a smart phone or program it to receive my voice mail messages. Which I still haven’t been able to figure out. Not that anybody ever calls me anyhow.
Another thing to prove my point that the only reason we’re living longer thanks to those drugs, is that there’s money to be made from us older fossils. So it’s a battle between the government who wants us to die and the technology people who want us to live….for those extra bucks.
Example: In 1956 I bought my first 78 RPM record of “Long Tall Sally.” A few months later 45’s were introduced so I bought the same record on 45. Then along came cassettes so I bought a cassette with the same song on it. Then came compact discs so I went out and bought the same song on CD. Then I bought an iPod so that I could put that same song, along with others on it. So basically I’ve bought the same song over and over due to new technology. Which is the main reason those technology SOB’s keep creating new stuff. It’s not that the old stuff doesn’t work, it’s so that you can spend more money taking the old stuff and putting it on that new stuff so that in the end you wind up paying more money for the new stuff. Makes ya wanna say, “stuff this!”
Now there’s nothing wrong with my VCR. Works fine. BUT…..it’s also, like myself, in the dinosaur category. Why? Because movies are on CD (Blu-ray) which by the way I have no freakin’ idea why Blu-ray is any different from any other ray. My old rays work fine. Not only that, but there’s “On Demand” which makes renting a movie or watching a program on your old VCR obsolete. So….can I get my VCR to work with my HDTV? Of course not. I’m tellin’ ya it’s a damn conspiracy.
Who today gives a rats ass about who shot JFK….besides me…….when there’s all this technology conspiracy stuff to get us to spend more money going around. It’s a sinister plot I tell ya! A sinister freakin’ plot.
So far I’ve resisted a lot of this new technology. I even go out of my way to foil some of this new technology stuff. Like wearing a disguise when I go out anywhere because I know there are surveillance cameras everywhere to watch my every move. Geez…ya can’t even cop a feel in public anymore without big brother watching.
(for those of you high-tech nerds who have no idea what “copping a feel” is because it’s not in your computer tech manual or in Wikipedia, it is NOT feeling up a cop. It’s copping a quick feel from your girlfriend between data entries on your computer.. Dinosaurs, such as myself, copped such feels at drive in movies in the back seat of DeSotos and Oldsmobiles. No high-tech stuff there)
I’m not letting go of my VCR, CD player, or paper road maps…or any other thing I spent my life savings on to acquire because of new technology. TAKE THAT ya dumb technology inventing jerks!
UNLESS…….they come up with a really great giant female inflatable doll that you can program to do whatever it is you want it to do. Just think of the possibilities. No more, “Yes Dear.” Or… “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.” “Or… “No…you can’t go out with the boys tonight.” Or….”Why can’t you stop that light from flashing on the VCR honey?” Or…..the most important reason of all, “alimony.”
THEN….and only then I might actually embrace new technology.
HEY….ya gotta give in sometime if the pickings are right. Such as my new high-tech bathroom pictured below.
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