Look folks. I’m not one to question new medical procedures that might save people’s lives. I’m all for new medical technology which will obviously help to prolong our lives. So when they develop new procedures such as laser surgery and non-invasive surgery with optic fiber long thingys that they stick into your body through a tiny hole, hey, that’s great.
Which still raises the question. How come they still haven’t figured out a way to perform a colonoscopy without sticking that long snaky thing with a camera up your butt?
Like I’ve always told other people. If there’s a hole in your body, some guy invented a very long instrument type probe that they’re at some point gonna want to stick it into that hole. My theory is that distant relatives of Dr. Frankenstein still work in various laboratories all over the country devising these new instruments.
So what have the good scientists and their assistant Igor come up with next? I’ll tell ya. ROBOTS! Yep…robots that they can insert into your body and tell them to go anyplace they want them to go. I kinda knew this was coming down the pike once they invented the robotic vacuum cleaner. (no, these new robots are NOT the size of a vacuum cleaner or made by a subsidy of the Hoover or Dyson companies)
These new devices are called, “snakebots,” which, right off the bat isn’t very comforting considering I avoid anything with the name “snake” associated with it. Snake = slithery = very quiet and sneaky = me running like hell.
The “snakebot” carry tiny cameras, (what else considering it most likely is gonna go up your butt or some other place) and it also carries tiny forceps, scissors, advanced sensors and are powered by tethers that humans will control. BUT…..Dr. Frankenstein and Igor are still working day and night, (even in violent thunderstorms, which is where they get their power from) to eventually allow these robots to roam freely throughout your body.
Ok….so a doctor sez to me, “Misfit, we’re gonna stick this here robot in you, (bend over) and it’s gonna go wherever we want it to go. Oh yeah, did I mention that when we’re all done for the day the robot can go anyplace it wants to in your body.”
Hope that robot has enough sense to beat feet away from my butt when its doing it’s freelance roaming because if I know there’s something roaming around inside of my body, I’m gonna s**t!
The following comment by Dr. Michael Argenziano, the Chief of Adult Cardiac Surgery at New York-Presbyterian Hospital and Columbia University Medical Center in New York about this new robot doesn’t give me much comfort either: “It’s like the ability to have little hands inside the patients, as if the surgeon had been shrunken.”
Hey doc……contact some pigmies in some remote country and ask them to shrink a few surgeons so they can crawl into someone’s body instead of a freakin’ robot for cripes sake! I think I’d rather have a pigmy shrunken surgeon inside of me than a robot that might rust or its battery goes dead and it gets stuck somewhere where I don’t want it to get stuck.
(I’m thinking that if one of these “snakebots” mistakes a guys you know what for another snakebot and heads in that direction, and gets stuck, all the Viagra in the world isn’t gonna help)
Yes there is good news, besides having the Energizer Bunny roaming throughout your body freely. When the “snakebot” is perfected it can reduce medical costs by making complex surgeries faster and easier as well as allowing surgeons to operate with far less damage to the body. For example, instead of opening up the entire chest up during heart surgery, a small incision is made, and the robot crawls inside to the proper spot.
Doesn’t that give you some sort of relief? Here folks….watch this video on the “snakebot” procedure. It’ll comfort you even more.(this is not for queasy types)
There….feel better now…..after you’ve barfed.
I’m thinking that they should expand on this idea. Hey, if they’re gonna stick a damn robot inside of you, why not attach a few accessories. An iPod, smart phone, GPS system, and Wi-Fi connectivity.
Just think about it. You have this “snakebot” roaming around inside of you and with perhaps a tug of your ear turn on your iPod and listen to a few tunes. You get a phone call, pull on your nose, and take the call. With GPS inside of you, you’ll never get lost. And…..you can connect to the Internet wherever you are. How neat is THAT!
The only problem I see with this technology is when you have to go to the bathroom or have sex.
Don’t wanna flush that “snakebot” down the ol commode and lose your important connections. And you sure as hell don’t want to transfer it to your sex partner during those intimate moments either. Especially if it’s a one night stand.
So….the only option would be to either attach one of those tethers to your “snakebot” so that you’ll never lose it. Monitor your bathroom activities by only pooping in the woods. And of course….giving up sex.
Hmmmm…….think I’ll stick to the old colonoscopy method.
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