Behind Every Failure Of A Man…..Stands A Woman

Yep…it’s true. From my official scientific MisfitWisdom research, (living with a woman) I have determined that throughout history men, who could have been successful or who were actually successful were either held back from success or it took them longer to achieve success because of a woman.

I base this not only on my scientific research, which, as I said, because I live with a woman, but because I never achieved fame and fortune in anything I ever attempted to do, again, because there was always a woman around to screw things up.

For instance. Every day I sit down, which is the usual position I assume when typing because it’s much harder to type standing up, and I attempt to put together this daily blog.  Every four or five minutes I’m interrupted by my other half with some question, such as, do I know how many times one of the cats barfed last night. Does this outfit make me look fat? (which I just ignore because I do not have a death wish) Or that she needs help with something such as finding a pill that was dropped on the bathroom floor and needs help finding it.  (our bathroom is 12 feet by 6 feet)  It’s not like she needs to call out an entire forensic CSI team to find one stinkin’ pill.

I’m sure throughout history many talented and famous individuals were put in the same position. Unable to achieve greatness because at their moment of creativity a woman stepped in and all was lost.  The only reason Issac Newton discovered gravity by sitting under that tree when an apple fell on him is that he gave up doing stuff at home and went out to get some peace by sitting under that apple tree. He most likely would have also invented “Fig Newtons” if he had not been constantly nagged by his wife.

I’m sure the only reason Michelangelo painted the mural on the Sistine Chapel ceiling laying upside down was because it was the only place Mrs. Michelangelo couldn’t bug the bejesus outta him. I think she was scared of heights.

“Hey Mike….I know you’re up there painting. Could ya come down, suppers almost ready and I need help with the gruel.”

Michelangelo’s expression after his wife complained that he spilled paint on their living room rug.

Columbus may have never set sail due to the constant nagging of his wife.

“The boat, the boat….it makes me nervous Chris. Why can’t you just hang around the yard and do some gardening or something. At least you can be sure the “yard” is flat.”

Had it not been for Mrs. Columbus, America would have been discovered months earlier.

Then there are the times when women ask you to do them a favor when you’re in the middle of something or to run a chore on your way to work. Just screws up your entire day.

Mrs. Oswald asked her husband Lee to stop by the curtain shop on his way to work and exchange some curtain rods that were too long.  Being the considerate husband he was, he wrapped up those curtain rods in plain paper, so as not to be seen by his coworkers as some panty waist carrying a bunch of curtain rods, and figured he’d stop and exchange them on his way home.  You all know what happened to him!

It took Martin Luther King months to come up with the line, “I Have A Dream” and use it in his famous speech because his wife kept him up half the night with town gossip so the poor guy couldn’t get a decent nights sleep so that he could “dream” and come up with that speech. Which is one of the reasons he said, “I’ve been to the mountaintop.”  Because that was the only place he could get some peace and quiet what with all those sleepless nights unable to come up with a blockbuster speech.

Damn…..I gotta find a nice quiet place, like a mountaintop or somethin’ so I can think without that woman constantly waking me up.

Do ya think Bill Clinton actually wanted to be in that closet with Monica Lewinsky? NO! He was simply trying to avoid Hillary’s nagging and ducked into that closet and found Monica there hiding from Linda Tripp. The rest is history.

(that famous stain on Monica’s dress was actually from a powdered jelly donut Clinton had and was eating in the closet)

Had this actual powdered jelly donut been introduced in evidence at Clinton’s impeachment hearings the whole scandal might have been avoided.

Old Ben Franklin had the same problem with women too.  Do you actually think he wanted to go out in the middle of a violent thunderstorm, attach a key to a kite and fly it? NO!  He had a death wish because he couldn’t take anymore of Mrs. Franklin’s demands. Unfortunately he survived, became famous for flying that kite, and went on to establish the very first post office where he employed Mrs. Franklin as a stamp licker, which kept her quiet most of the time.

So ya see, it’s women who are responsible for holding back men. I myself could have been famous, but there was always a woman there to get in the way. (which is part of my book title at Amazon.com)

I had an idea for a soft drink many years ago. I was going to call it “6-Up.” But by the time I got around to figuring out that “7” was a better number to use,  my wife said to stick with the “6” because it was her favorite number. I even came close to writing, “Catcher In The Rye” until my wife said that “rye” didn’t make any sense and that I should call my book, “Catcher In The Ballfield.”

So be thankful that I have devised a method of suppressing my other half’s constant interruptions while writing this blog, otherwise I’d never be able to do this each day. Someday I will, along with many other famous writers, attain the status of greatness. Maybe even win an award.  But (sigh) I don’t think I’ll win any awards for writing.

Most likely I’ll win some sort of award for creating a way to silence a woman while attempting to become famous. Men will thank me for this as they too will achieve fame and fortune.

The sure-fire way to stop any woman from bugging the hell outta you is to simply utter these three little words that will make any woman that’s bugging you cringe in fear:

“Honey…I’m horny.”

Trust me on this one guys……they’ll leave you alone for hours.

Which is how I got to finish today’s blog.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. Surely the fact that I gave you this valuable tip on how to get some time alone and be creative is worth a few donation bucks. Might wanna give me a mention when you achieve stardom.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3ZAN59375NWX4

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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