It’s been over 700 years since the famed Pied Piper strolled into Hamelin, Germany and announced that he would solve the rat problem. Not having any Mafia type guys in Hamelin who, as we know, sometimes are affectionately called “rats” when they rat out on their other Mafia type persons, the town declined the offer initially until they finally figured out that the Piper was talking about the four-legged kinds of rats.
And, as the story goes, he, the Piper, whipped out his magic flute type instrument and, the rats, loving flutes, followed him to the Weser river in Hamelin and proceeded to all drown. Which is false, because if you know anything about rats, they do know how to swim.
So either the Piper was some sort of a rat con artist or the good people of Hamelin were really gullible.
Once again this small town has a rat problem. They discovered this due to the fact that the town water fountain, which spurts out water, which seems logical to me, was not operating. I assume it wasn’t spurting out water, as water fountains usually do.
Upon inspection, the town fathers discovered that an electrical cable which supplies power to the fountain had been completely gnawed thru by rats. Yep, no good stinkin’ rotten low down rats.
Having learned that they were scammed by the original Pied Piper when they discovered that he actually had an army of trained rats which he took from town to town and let them loose until the town officials paid up to have him get rid of the rats, the town officials of Hamelin were not going to be suckered into another shoddy scam.
Rather than cough up big bucks to hire a professional rat exterminator, they have decided to close the fountain, much to the dismay of many in the town who envisioned a new tourist attraction and possibly a theme park called, “Ratland.”
One resident was quoted as saying: “Hey….if that there Disney guy in Florida can make a gazillion bucks with a freakin’ mouse, then why not a rat for cripes sake!”
Some residents had already gone so far as to contact New York City authorities to discuss the purchase of rats from the lower East Side of the city. Not that I’m saying that there are a lot of rats on the lower East Side of the city, but there are a lot of rats on the lower East Side of the city.
(trust me on this one folks….I have first hand rat experience)
I personally checked the Yellow pages of my local directory and to the best of my knowledge after scouring the exterminator pages there were no listings for”Pied Pipers” anywhere. Most of the exterminators listed in the yellow pages do claim that they can solve all of your pest problems, but none listed Pipers within their ads.
It could be that the “piper” profession has gone the way of many other time-honored and respectable professions. Like the guillotine operator, the people who made chastity belts, locksmiths who made extra keys for those chastity belts, the guy who operated the stretch rack, spear, sword and catapult makers, (although that last profession still flourishes in some parts of the world) and finally the most time-honored profession, the guy that makes water boards.
Um….wait a sec. I think that last one you can still find in your yellow pages either under “waterboarding experts” or ‘Dick Cheney Enterprises.”
Hmmmmmm……….maybe Cheney can help those people out in Hamelin.
Waterboard those rats Dickie!
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