Yes folks, today is Mother’s Day. The one day out of the year when we take time to honor our dear mothers for all of the bull***t we put them through when we were growing up. And, they in turn said to us, “Just wait you little bastard until you have kids of your own.”
How true those words were. AND….if you deny that all mother’s eventually get their revenge for your childhood antics, you’re lying.
I suspect that when grandma and grandpa agree to babysit their grandchildren, it’s not because they necessarily love having small children around….the little darlings, but to implant information into their little brains on how to get even for all of the years you put them through hell.
“Mom, dad, can you watch little Johnny for a few hours while Ralph and I take a breather from parenthood?”
“Oh sure dear, no problem. Comon’ sweetie, grandpa and grandma will watch you and we’ll have lots of fun.”
“Gee, thanks mom….you’re a lifesaver…..be back in six hours.”
(mommy leaves and it’s Grandpa and Granny in charge)
“Oh my how you’ve grown Johnny……what are you, about 6 now?”
“Yep…and I’m gonna start kindergarten this year.”
“Oooooooh…..kindergarten, how nice. Wanna know how to really have fun in kindergarten. Just pee in the sandbox and then you can make sand castles…it’ll really get you a gold star from your teacher. And…she’ll call your mom and dad and tell them how smart you are.”
“Why of course. Would Granny and Grandpa lie to you, honey? And, besides that, you could really have a lot of fun around the house too. Why did you know that a really fun game is taking mommy’s vacuum cleaner and sucking all of the water out of the toilet can be sooooo much fun.”
“WOW….you’re really neat Granny!”
“Here honey….take this can of spray paint and then you can help your daddy paint his car. It really needs some touch up work.”
“OH BOY…..thanks Grandpa!”
“Oh, and here’s another neat attention getter honey. You know when you want attention and mommy and daddy are busy in the bedroom with the door closed and they ignore you.”
“Well, just stick your finger as far down you throat as you can and trust me……you’ll get their undivided attention….heh heh.”
“By the way honey, do you get an allowance?”
“Um, no, they told me I have to do chores if I want an allowance.”
“Ohhh, poor baby. Look, take Grandpa’s smart phone that has a camera in it and the next time you see mommy in the shower, take her picture and then post it on Facebook so that your friends will see how beautiful she is. Now if she gets really mad at you for doing that, tell her you’ll never do it again…..for a price.”
Yes, there is truth in that old saying, “what goes around comes around.” In this instance, revenge of the grandparents. This also applies on Father’s Day as well.
So, remember the moral to today’s story. If you were a “kid from hell” growing up and your poor mom, and dad, had to endure years of deciding whether to murder you, feed you to wild animals, or just leave you in the woods as they drove away, but in the end put up with all of your nonsense, then today is the day to honor mom, and then next month, dad.
You’re where you are today because of them. Unless you never cleaned up your act and are in a jail somewhere doing 50 or 60 years hard time. Might wanna ask one of the guards to give your mom a call in that case.
So, Happy Mother’s Day moms.
I would have called my own mother to wish her a happy Mother’s Day but she disowned me many years ago when I myself tried that vacuum cleaner experiment by attaching the hose attachment to the kitchen water faucet and blowing up her brand new Hoover vacuum cleaner.
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