Once again those British scientists, who have nothing better to do with their time other than to test how long food dropped on a floor lasts, have conducted a new study…which is…how long food dropped on a floor can remain there and still be safe to eat. This is well-known as the “3 second rule.”
Which leads me to believe that these British scientists are either very clumsy and drop a lot of their food on their lab floors, or, they have nothing better to do with their time.
“Soooo Elmer, how long has that cannoli been lying on the floor over there?”
“Well Reginald, as far as I can determine, it’s been there approximately three minutes and ten seconds.”
“OMG! It’s three minutes and seven seconds over the 3 second rule. Why the hell didn’t ya call me the second it hit the floor?”
“Oh, sorry Elmer, but all is not lost. Let’s conduct a study on how long food can last on a floor before we can eat it. You still might be able to enjoy it after all. Here, let’s scoop it up, throw it in our scientific food/floor/germ analyzer and see.”
So there began the intensive study by scientists at the British Metropolitan University on just how long food dropped on a floor lasts.
(No actual food was harmed during these tests)
According to these scientists if you drop a piece of raw steak on the floor for more than a millisecond, you should not pick it up an eat it. Unless you happen to like raw steak and don’t mind the germs that have attached themselves to the steak. I basically think this one was a no-brainer considering in my house I have 5 cats and if ANYTHING hits the floor it is immediately is covered in cat fur. Or…..devoured by the cats.
They also tested cooked pasta which, as we all know, not only failed due to the consistency of cooked pasta but due to the fact that if it sticks to your stomach after you’ve eaten it, chances are it will stick not only to floors and pick up a gazillion germs, but to anything else it lands on. Might wanna try humming a piece of pasta across the room at something and I’ll bet ya it sticks.
Dried fruit, according to the scientists, also failed the 3 second rule. Which kinda surprised me because I thought anything dried was ok to eat. Apparently germs can attach themselves to dry things as well. Cripes, it’s a wonder I’m not dead or infected with some crawling fungus after eating that raisin I dropped on the floor last week.
Now here’s the surprising thing. Cooked ham when dropped on the floor is ok to eat. Which kinda makes sense because ham comes from pigs and they eat anything and don’t get sick, so, if you drop a cooked ham on the floor, I guess the same rule applies.
Actually, the only reason the cooked ham is ok to eat is due to the fact that it contains salt and chemicals that protect it. Which aren’t good for your body, the salt and chemicals that is, but very good for the ham. Not so good for the pig on the way to the market to be made into cooked ham.
Cookies like Oreos, and such are ok to eat after you’ve dropped them on the floor too. No respectable germ is going to attach itself to cookies when there’s ham and steak to be devoured. Which is why most germs are very thin and do not have weight problems.
The final thing these scientists tested was a piece of toast with jam on it. Murphy’s Law of course, states that if you spread butter or jam on a piece of toast then drop it on the floor, the side with the jam and butter on it will land face down. I’ve tried this experiment a number of times and it has proven to be true. The scientists said simply to brush off the toast and it’s ok to eat it. Obviously their toast landed dry side down. Which I think always happens in England due to the vernal equinox or something.
But this also leads me to believe that these scientists are a bunch of wackos. Ever get butter and jam on your hands? Then you know that with that stuff on your hands ANYTHING sticks to you if that happens, so why wouldn’t germs?
Not that germs and bacteria like jam or butter, but they’d get themselves stuck in the jam and butter and be unable to free themselves and be able to head off to get that piece of steak. Get my point.
So basically I think these scientists are full of baloney. (baloney was not one of the things they tested) Although I believe if ham survived the 3 second rule, baloney might fall into the same category. Unless you had mustard or mayonnaise on it and it hit the floor face down. Your call.
I suggest you use your own judgement when it comes to eating food that has dropped on your floor. Take things into consideration such as: Do you have a tile or linoleum floor or live in a dirt hut. Did you or your spouse just come in from spreading manure on your flowers. Do you own a cat or a dog and are they faster than you when you drop food on the floor. Do you own a stopwatch you can use for the 3 second rule. And finally, are you on a strict food budget due to the economy and don’t give a rats ass about what you eat. And have very good health insurance.
So there ya have it folks. Some helpful 3 second food tips from those health conscious scientists in Britain.
Tomorrow on MisfitWisdom. How British scientists who studied the 3 second food dropped on a floor rule survived their bout with salmonella and are recovering in a British hospital.
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