As usual when I’m surfing the Internet for very important news to comment on, I occasionally stumble across the room, trip, and bang my head on my computer because I’m half awake and…um…..no, that’s not what I meant to say. I meant to say that I stumble across something that catches my eye which might be worth reflecting on.
Such as an article by “Yahoo’s Shine,” segments which usually highlights human interest stories like, “Why Is Grass Green,” “Why Ladybugs Aren’t Necessarily Ladies,” Why Women Think Men Only Think About Sex,” (which is true) And, “Why Women Are The Only Ones Who Read Yahoo’s Shine While Men Are Thinking About Sex.”
So, last weeks Yahoo Shine was no different. Cutting a little slack to Yahoo, the article was taken from “Shape Magazine,” which I assume has to do with shapes, or some sort of body malfunction dealing with your own shape. My guess anyhow.
Their story line heading, “15 Things Men Really Wish We Knew.” I assume the “we” was referring to “women” and what “we,” (men) wish they knew. Obviously, speaking for most men, it would be……”SEX.” Otherwise there’s really nothing else we wish they knew that we were thinking about.
Anyhow, I looked over the 15 things and picked out a few. I’d have listed all 15 of them but some I already knew women knew so if I knew that women knew them why would I want to list them here again if they already knew it.
So here’s a few, with my own conclusions. (numbers are out of sequence due to the ones that I chose to highlight)
1. “Time Flies When You’re A Man.” This means that if your guy doesn’t respond back with an, “I Love You” immediately after you’ve said it, that Derek Jeter just hit a home run for the Yankees and for you to hold that thought and he’ll get back to you by October during the playoffs.
2. “You’re More Powerful Than You Think.” This means that when a guy stares at a woman, the woman’s heart is beating and we men “have them.” (according to the article) I’ve personally tried this a number of times, the staring fluttering of the eyes routine, and all it’s ever led to is my other half handing me a bottle of Visine or asking me if I’m having a stroke.
3. “We Like Shopping With You Sometimes.” WHAT! Us men want women to know that we like shopping with them sometimes! Who the hell thought THAT one up? Do any of you women know what it’s like to be a guy in a Macy’s or a J.C. Penny’s in the women’s clothing section while you shop! Do ya! If most men could choose between having bamboo splints shoved under their fingernails by a bunch of savages or stand in the clothing department with a woman while she shops, they’d opt for the splints.
4. “Your Teenage Tendencies Are A Turnoff.” In other words, do NOT call us “dude” or “bro” or use acronyms like “LOL” or “ROTFL.” Stuff like, “Hot Super Stud,” or perhaps, “The Love Machine,” might suffice. Even if you’re lying. Might wanna try to do it without snickering.
5. “Confidence Is Sexier Than Any Lingerie.” (me thinkith a woman wrote this article and has no freakin’ clue as to exactly what a black Victoria’s Secret bra and panty combination can do for a man) We don’t need no stinkin’ confidence.
7. “Let Me Think I’m The Funniest Guy You Know.” Which means that as lame as you think your partners jokes or one liners are, laugh at them anyhow. Might wanna roll on the floor and have tears rolling from your eyes and your nose running. Just for the believable effect. I have no problem with my other half on this particular point. Even when I’m on a twenty-foot ladder climbing the roof and fall off she consistently laughs uncontrollably.
10. “I Have No Secrets.” Oh yeah…right. Show me a man who has no secrets from a woman and I’ll show you a guy that’s either had a sex change or is dead. Those of you guys who want to tell a woman EVERYTHING about you….seek help immediately. WHY? Because women store that stuff in their computer data base brains and nail you with it during an argument eons later. They’re like elephants….they never forget. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
The rest of the things they list that supposedly we men want women to know about us are kinda lame. Like, “There’s Always An Exception.” Depends on what that exception actually is. Or, “Don’t Try So Hard,” like when she’s polishing your truck by hand while you’re using the power tool buffer adjustment. Or, “Drop Hints To Avoid Disappointing Gifts,” such as the time you gave him a “Chia Pet.” That gift only works if it resembles his mother-in-law. And the last one, “We Mean Well.” Yes…..whatever it is we men do or ask, we mean well. As long as we benefit from it.
So there ya have if. What we men want you women to know from the experts at “Shape,” “Yahoo Shine” and yours truly MisfitWisdom.
Use this information wisely women. Do not abuse this knowledge. I have gone way out on a limb divulging this sensitive classified information to all women and could find myself the scorn of all men across the Universe. I hope you appreciate my efforts to enlighten all of you.
Now, jusssst in case I’ve raised the wrath of all men who read this blog today, I’m taking a short vacation to an unknown remote island where there are no computers and the natives only wear loin cloths, have never heard of Macys or J.C. Penny, Chia Pets, and forbid their women from ever saying anything other than……..”yes dear.”
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Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV