How To Enjoy Life After You’re Dead….I Think.

There’s a new trend going around initiated by Baby Boomers who are thinking beyond the box…..or casket, so to speak. How to make dying more enjoyable.  Either for them or the ones that they leave behind.

In Florida, a new take on funeral homes. More like a country club atmosphere with cookouts, brunch being served, bridal showers, and the occasional dead person of course.

Baby Boomers are kinda tired of the same old same old when you go to a funeral parlor. You know how it is. “Ohhhh, he/she looks so lifelike just laying there. It’s as if he/she were asleep.” Yeah….a deeeeep sleep.

Anyhow, to kinda liven things up in a funeral parlor, rather than just the old sit around and wait till the first person leaves so that you can beat feet too, funeral parlors have begun offering other things to keep you interested in hanging around a bit.

Kinda gives the funeral director time to size up prospective clients as well…..don’t ya think.

“Why hello Ms. Grodsnick, my, my, you sure look good these days…um…..just how old are you?”

“Why thank you Mr. Grimsly, fine funeral home you have here. Oh, I just turned 98 this past Friday.”

“Oh my…..hardly worth going home isn’t it?”

To entice people to hang around longer than usual, those that are still alive and kicking, funeral homes are offering catered meals, cook outs, a small brunch, the availability of their facilities for bridal showers, (might as well begin and end your marriages there) and even birthdays.

And everybody knows that crematoriums are great places for cookouts……..(sorry)

“Happeeeee Birthday toooo youuuu. Happeeeee Birthday toooo youuuu. Happy Birthday dear prospective client, happy Birthday toooo youuuu.”

Yep, a nice evening out at a funeral parlor with all the fixins. Including the deceased, who most likely will not be partaking in the cuisine, but, hey, that’s an extra plate for any stragglers.  Waste not, want not.

I for one tend to go along with this new trend. I absolutely hate going to a funeral parlor and just doing the standard procedures. Enter, say goodbye to the dead person, pay your condolences to the family, sit down in one of those uncomfortable chairs, gossip, and then leave. Frankly I think if the deceased gets to lay down through all of this the least a funeral parlor could to is provide recliners for the visitors.

Funeral parlors could really be entertaining places to go to when the occasion unexpectedly arises. Might draw bigger crowds as well.  Great place for politicians to campaign during an election year. WAIT!  Oh yeah…..they already do that.

Besides the food and festivities funeral parlors are now offering, they could also expand to include bingo, and tanning booths, considering caskets could be fitted with tanning lights. Hey, why just have them sitting around empty when they could be bringing in the bucks. And of course free rides in a hearse. Great attraction for the kids.

Yep, baby boomers have the right idea here folks. liven up things a bit. In with the new, out with the old….um…..traditions, not bodies.

Actually this is really nothing new. Back in the old days, waaaaay back in the old days, families used to have their deceased members of the family laid out in their living rooms and friends and relatives came to the house to pay their last respects. I’m not quite sure why that tradition stopped.  Most likely because some entrepreneur thought, “Hey….if I could shag two or three dead people in one night in the same house I could make a fortune!”

Which is where the idea for funeral home condos first originated from, but was then scrapped for the more lucrative aspect of the idea, which was to “rent”condos thereby guaranteeing an ongoing income rather than the one shot deal with a corpse. Henceforth how condos came into being.

The idea of livening up your funeral home experience is also carrying over into cemeteries as well. Many people are now having “QR” chips implanted into their gravestones that allows visitors to scan the code with their smart phones and actually hear the deceased speak or which contains a link to their Facebook or Twitter page.

Which brings new meaning to the phrase, “eternal life.”

One could record special messages to the living visiting your grave once you’ve bought the farm. Like…..

“Hey…..back off will ya…..you’re stepping right on top of me!”

“Harry….is that you?  Hey….you know you never paid back the 50 bucks I let ya borrow ya damn jerk.”

“MARVIN…..MARVIN…..how dare you bring that bimbo to my grave. WTF is wrong with you!”

And….the ever popular……..”I told ya I was sick.”

For me, I think the most appropriate “QR” scannable QR code would go something like this”

“Oh sure, you couldn’t make a damn donation to the MisfitWisdom blog so that I could afford all of my medications and NOW…..NOW…..ya come to pay your respects. Well guess what ya damn jerk…..I don’t want your stinkin’ donation.  So there!  Um…….ya might wanna water those cute little green pointy leafy things growing around my stone marker however. Shhhhh……yeah, I know it’s marijuana, but that’s what I left my other half to survive on once I was gone. So just clip a few stems for yourself and leave a few bucks in the slot just to the left of my name.

Thanks for visiting….have a nice trip….so to speak.

(DONATE The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste the link into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. If you do not donate now, you can obviously wait till I buy the farm and donate later while you’re at the cemetery, but……with so many people who will be visiting me, I can’t guarantee the pot crop will last. Besides, isn’t donating much more satisfying when it can be appreciated by someone STILL living.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=W3XBWFBPPUZW2

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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