I Need A License To Have Sex? OMG!!

Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner has spoken out about the continuing flap over contraception. That word, “contraception” closely resembles the word ” contraption” which means “gadget” which, when referring to “contraception” means that men’s “gadgets” are under fire when it comes to contraception. I know, it’s a bit confusing, but bear with me here.

Hugh Hefner and friend in his best "Gentlemen's Warehouse" outfit. You're gonna like the way you look....I guaraaaaaantee it.

Hef is upset over all the conservative politicians “thrusting” their old-fashioned viewpoints into other people’s bedrooms….including Hef’s. And Gawd knows he’s got a lot of bedrooms. And bathrobes. (has anybody EVER seen this guy in actual clothes)

Actually Hef could be a real good spokesman for “Gentleman’s Warehouse” (bathrobe department)

“You’re gonna like the way you look.”

Hef says: “For months I have watched the rhetoric building.” (this is NOT a construction site where workers are constructing a building called a “rhetoric”) “Last October, in an interview with an evangelical blogger, Rick Santorum promised to defund birth control on the grounds that contraception is a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

Did Santorum mean that if you use contraception you must have a license?  Where do ya get a license?   How much does it cost? Is there a test involved….like a written one similar to a driver’s road test? If there is, what exactly do ya ride…or drive…or take your test on? Like maybe a Nissan Maxima Plus….considering condoms are sometimes labeled “Maximas.”

If Santorum is correct and this is why Hef is upset, then so am I.  I’m not very good at taking tests so that I can get a license.  And a contraception license test seems like it would be very difficult to pass. Considering, as I said earlier, that I always get the words “contraception” and “contraption” mixed up, I might not be able to decipher the questions and answer them correctly.

1. Do you use contraception?  I might answer that one, “yes” but think they mean “contraption,” which I use a lot when it comes to Mickey Mousing things around the house that need fixing and I don’t have a contraception tool handy.

2. Do you believe that contraception is a license to do anything in the “realm” of sexual activity?  Geez….how the hell would I answer that one correctly?  I may have contracepted things in the past, but using contraptions during contraception sexual activity I’ve always considered a bit dangerous, (sharp edges of contraptions and things) so I personally never, as far as I can determine, used contraception while using contraptions.

Um….unless you count that one time I hooked a trapeze to my bedroom ceiling and…um….neverrrrr mind.

Anyhow, if there is a test involved I’m going right out and get that new book that Santorum has published, “How To Pass The Contraception Contraption Test For Dummies.” Lots of neat photos in it too.

But not everyone is happy to have Hef speaking out on women’s rights. A women’s business news site, “TheJaneDough.com” (which I’m assuming is either a play on the name “Jane Doe” or is about an unknown woman with lots of money) says that Hef is a, “notorious girlfriend collector” and “hardly the one to preach about women’s rights.”

Hey….SO WHAT!  Can’t a guy have a damn hobby for cripes sake?  And if anyone knows women, (or women’s body parts) it sure as hell is Hef. And I’m quite sure he’s had his contraception license for years. It’s probably numbered “1” on his license. AND….I’ll bet ya he passed it with flying colors…..so take THAT Ricky Sanctimonious!

Rick Santorum's idea of approved contraception

Personally, meaning I personally, think the government should stay the hell out of this contraception frenzy.  They spend way too much time and money on other stuff that tax our taxpayer pockets. I sure as hell don’t want them to be spending money on contraceptives.  Hmmmm……come to think of it, they DON’T spend any money on contraceptives. Which accounts for the always fully stocked shelves of condoms in WalMarts and CVS in conservative neighborhoods.

Hell…..go to an Independent or Liberal WalMart or CVS neighborhood and it’s a damn bonanza of condoms that are available.  (I researched this one day when I was bored)

Many, of course, would state that Hef has had a major role in the sexual revolution and has provided many opportunities for women.  So why shouldn’t he be able to speak out about contraception…….or…….contraptions.  Hey….if he’s been in a sexual revolution, that makes him a veteran. Anyone knows that if you’ve participated in any type of revolution you’ve obviously been in combat and are a veteran. DUH!

Not using contraceptives but relying solely on contraptions, I might just skip the test and license and just hope I don’t get caught practicing sex without either.

After all folks…….who’s going to come into my bedroom and check on me?

“KNOCK KNOCK.”

“OMG!!!!  It’s Ricky Sanctimonious and he’s wearing his contraceptive vest!!!”

“Oops…..BUSTED!”

OK Clarence…..take it with “Strokin”

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below.  So far below that if you venture there, you might wanna use a condom. Do NOT let any conservative see you using one however. If the link is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. MisfitWisdom would be honored to accept donations from VFW members, members of the Sexual Revolution and all other veterans.

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Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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