Depending on just where you live, the holy grail of any respectable cop is the almighty, “donut,” or “doughnut” depending on which way you care to spell it. Never could understand that one.
Now we all have our favorite donuts, (I spelled it “donut” cause I’m too lazy to spell it the other way) My favorite donut shop is Allie’s Donuts located in North Kingstown, R.I. on what is known as Quaker Lane. Either because the Quakers once used that road or the guy from Quaker Oats stopped by for a donut cause he got tired of eating mushy Quaker Oats.
Yes folks, I know, if you’re reading this blog in “East Freakin’ Nowhere” you could give a rats ass about donuts that are made in R.I. Which is why I’ve listed the following donut places that are the best according to “Food & Wine” or “Food & Whine” magazine. Depending if you tend to whine about food and wine all of the time.
Those listed, other than Allies that I’m about to tell you about are as follows: “The Donut Vault” in Chicago, Ill. (if these donuts are kept in a vault….skip it) “Betty Ann’s Food Shop,” Boston, Mass. (have no idea who the heck Betty Ann is but if you ever find out, let me know)
“The Donut Plant” New York, N.Y. which kinda narrows it’s location down.
“Hey, I’m from outta town how do I find the Donut Plant?”
“Oh yeah buddy, well ya drive all around N.Y. till ya catch the aroma of donuts baking and ya see a lot of cops just mulling around the area.”
“Dynamo Donuts” in San Francisco. (wear a flower in your hair) “Top Pot Donuts” in Seattle, Wash. where it constantly rains so I believe they sell you little tiny umbrellas to cover your donuts with. “Sublime Donuts” Atlanta, Ga., which I guess are sublime. “Congdons Donuts” in Wells, Maine, a place you can’t get to regardless of where you are.
“Gourdough Donuts” in Austin, Texas. Rick Perry has trouble ordering donuts there as he’s not quite sure how many donuts make up a dozen. “Um….just fill up the box till it’s full.”
An original name for a donut shop in St. Louis, Mo., “The Donut Shop.” Really different. And the last on “Food & Wines” list, “Peter Pan Donut and Pastry Shop” in Brooklyn, N.Y. which is probably easier to find than that other one I mentioned that just said New York., N.Y. (look for a guy with a big hook on one hand who’s afraid of crocodiles)
Back to Allies Donuts. By far the best donut shop, at least in my immediate area. We’re talkin’ about donuts to die for. Donuts that will immediately add 1,000 calories to your waistline by just stepping into the shop and smelling them. Donuts you would divorce your spouse over. Donuts that are better than having sex.
Um, well maybe not that last one, but at least donuts that satisfy your craving for something else AFTER you’ve had sex. You know how little time it takes to have sex, and then you’re left with all of that other idle time on your hands still craving for something, so it might as well be a donut. WHICH….you can have more than one of and not have to wait six or eight hours to recover from before having another one. (ya have to think about that one.)
Now for secondary honorable mentions. Honey Dew Donuts because I’m addicted to their cinnamon sticks and I’m expertly trained in “honey do” activities which is when your spouse says, “honey would you do”………………Next, “Dunkin Donuts” because there EVERYWHERE when ya need a quick donut fix. Although it really ticks me off that they’re not consistent when it comes to making donuts.
(My second donut addiction is Dunkin Donut’s chocolate covered real lemon filled donuts which can only be found in three of the gazillion Dunkin Donuts in R.I. This is clearly a case of donut discrimination which, when I have the time, will bring to the “Fairness For Donut Equality Board”)
Yes, I will not leave out “Krispy Creme” as being right up there with those other two above, but, it’s not necessarily on my favorite list. Only because they can’t spell “Crispy Cream” correctly and I don’t wanna be seen in a place that flunked spelling. Bad for my blog writing reputation ya know.
In conclusion, for those of you who can’t travel to Allie’s Donuts because you’re already to damn fat from eating other donuts from other places, or, you live in that “East Freaklin’ Nowhere” town, I’ll personally send you a box of Allie’s Donuts, (your choice of donuts) if you donut, um…I meant “donate” to MisfitWisdom by using the “donate” PayPal link which is always posted at the bottom of this blog. How’s THAT for bribery.
Hey….just pretend I’m a cop, and I stopped you for texting on your cell phone while eating a donut, while you were watching a movie on your iPad and while you were coping a feel from your girlfriend and ya need to get off the hook.
Oh…did I mention that ya have to donate at least $100 bucks? I didn’t….geez….sorry.
You don’t think I’m gonna drive 40 miles to buy you a box of donuts and mail it to you for nothin……….. do ya…………….punk?
I didn’t fall off of the chocolate jimmie truck yesterday ya know.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donut…um…..donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue or covered in chocolate jimmies) simply copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal donut donate site. Do not speed to get there. Don’t want you to use any of my donation money to bribe a cop for Gawds sake.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV