I really try to resist writing a blog about my beloved Red Sox. I really do folks. Because for the most part the only people interested in reading a blog about the Red Sox are Red Sox fans. With the exception of Red Sox haters, like from the Stamford, Connecticut line into New York where the “Evil Empire” resides…..the New York Yankees.
BUT…that said, I couldn’t hold off any longer. Steam began pouring out of my ears. My eyeballs began to glaze over, and I was totally losing it watching this 2012 team pretend to be actual professional baseball players. They did appear to be professionals a few times with some really great baseball games against the Tampa Bay Rays taking 3 out of 4 games. But that last game where they lost by one stinkin’ run (a walk-in) just set me off.
So what’s the problem with this team this year? I’ll tell ya. The problem is that they can’t have their chicken and beer in the clubhouse during a game. We all know that when a pitcher eats greasy chicken then throws the ball from the mound he’s more apt to throw unhitable balls to the opposing batter due to the amount of grease on the ball from the pitchers hands which ultimately causes the ball, upon contact with the bat, to cause a greasy slippery effect thereby making the ball impossible to hit.
Similar to the “knuckle Ball” or the “spit ball” I have dubbed this the, “chicken grease ball.”
Now that chicken and beer are no longer allowed during games, Red Sox pitchers do not have their secret weapon. And everyone knows that chicken and beer go hand in hand when it comes to winning baseball games.
But, this isn’t the only problem with this team. Terry Francona is gone. Theo Epstein is gone. Jonathan Papelbon is gone. Marco Scutaro is gone. Jason Varitek and Tim Wakefield are gone. And no one seems to know where J.D. Drew is. Most likely hanging out at a local KFC.
And the “bullpen”….geez…..get some REAL honest to goodness bulls in there for cripes sake!
Then there’s the obvious dissention within the clubhouse. It’s quite obvious that the team is not warming up to their new manager Bobby Valentine. He’s the kind of manager that’s not going to take any bull***t from the players as evidenced by his benching of Yoooooouk in one of the games this past week. Then Dustin Pedroia came to Youk’s defense, which makes Valentine look totally out of control.
But you know what? In my own personal humble opinion, for whatever that’s worth, my prediction is that this years team will not even be in contention. They had a good thing going with Terry and blew it. Now it’s whinny time. It seems to me they are more concerned with in-clubhouse politics than playing ball. But that’s not all.
PITCHING! There are no freakin’ aces. Nobody on that damn pitching staff with the exception of Scott Atchison, Franklin Morales and Alfredo Aceves can strike anyone out consistently. Sure, Daniel Bard was great the other night…..but……he gave up the game with a freakin’ walk-in because he was tired. Blame Valentine for that one. Of course in the last inning when Cody Ross was at bat and the umpire called him out when it was obvious most of the balls pitched were…BALLS…didn’t help either.
It seems to me that the Sox are reverting back to the Yawkey era. Trading off good prospective players for cheaper ones. Can anyone say Josh Reddick, Adrian Beltre, David Murphy, Jed Lowrie, and Justin Masterson. Geez….I feel so comfortable with a relief pitcher like Fat Albers don’t you.
But ya know, just one time….just one freakin’ time I’d like to hear Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy tell it like it is. Just to have them vent our frustration instead of sugar-coating everything.
“Geez Don, that was really a rotten time a bat for Youk….what the hell do ya think is his problem?”
“Well Jerry, I don’t have a freakin’ clue but these bozos aren’t gonna make it to the playoff unless they start playing better ball and work as a team together.”
“Do ya think maybe the lack of chicken and beer in the clubhouse has had and effect on how they play Don?”
“Well Jerry, from a chicken and beer lover’s perspective, I can see where it might affect the entire team. I’m sure it’s affecting Josh Beckett’s “chicken ball” pitch as evidenced by the number of home runs he’s given up.”
“Hmmmm….. I think you’re on to something there Don. I know that I’m not at my best at home unless I have my chicken and beer at least once a week.”
“So what do ya think can be done to rectify this problem Jerry?”
“Well Don, I’m glad you asked me that. I was thinking that with all the apparent infighting within the clubhouse that Bobby Valentine could, as an incentive, pass out KFC discount chicken coupons to any pitcher who actually manages to throw a strike ball in 9 innings. Might give them some incentive to winning a game.”
“Great idea Jerry. But what about the beer part?”
“No problem Don……..a 12 pack of “O’Douls” for each player. Yeah, I know it’s nonalcoholic but if management changes the labels on the bottles they’ll never know and in the end, all will be well and back to normal.”
“Jerry…..you’re a genius.”
(NOTE) I will undoubtedly eat crow if this team actually makes it into the playoffs. (look for a star to rise in the East) Ed Achorn, (Providence Journal reporter and avid Red Sox fan) will make a mental note of today’s blog and stock up on tar and feathers should I prove to be wrong. Ed….if I should be wrong, at least save the chicken from the feathers you’ll tar me with. I’ll supply the beer.
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