Yep, this photo you’re looking at is that of a hardened criminal. A drug kingpin. And now she’s facing the full wrath of the law in Oklahoma after being nailed by the Gestapo for being in possession of over 4 pounds of marijuana and $276,000 in cash which were found stacked in $15,000 bundles. Most likely because she didn’t trust banks or hated those ATM fees when you withdraw money.
Darlene Mayes may look like a sweet old granny but looks can be deceiving. Not only did police recover the drugs and money from grannies little cottage, but she was packing a semiautomatic pistol and revolver.
This however does not surprise me at all. I’m quite knowledgable about grannies who live in small cottages in the woods, having read extensively the story of “Little Red Riding Hood” and her and grannie’s encounter with that damn wolf. Ya can’t live in the forest without packing some sort of heat. Not these days anyhow.
I sense a huge scandal brewing involving grannies, “Little Red Riding Hood,” and wolves, which could ultimately lead to the White House and President Obama. We all know he’s responsible for EVERYTHING!
As far as the marijuana is concerned, I say, “Hey….cut the granny some freakin’ slack!”
So what if she was supplying 40% of the marijuana in the forest. So what! So what if she was the mastermind and had a network of dealers including her son Jerry, who was also arrested. Do any of you know how hard it is to survive on a damn Social Security check for cripes sake!
AND….marijuana isn’t really a hard-core drug. It’s a damn plant that grows out of the ground. So what if it relaxes ya and makes you feel realllly good. So does booze. Ya don’t see the cops raiding liquor stores in the forest do ya? When is the last time you read a story about a wolf from the forest being nailed for marijuana possession? NEVER! Because the police are way too busy picking on defenseless grannies that’s why.
A police official in Oklahoma, (most likely the granny SWAT team) said, “It doesn’t surprise me that someone this age would be actively involved in marijuana distribution because there’s just too much money to be made. If they keep a low profile, (not living in a gingerbread house for instance) they don’t talk to too many people, (like little girl relatives dressed in red that can’t keep a damn secret) and they don’t get greedy, they can go on for years.”
My bet is on the wolf as being the one who ratted on granny. You know the old saying, “A wolf in sheep’s clothing.” Just can’t trust ANY wolf in sheep’s clothing these days. I might add that most wolves these days are into low-cut jeans and sweatshirts, which should be a clue to any granny to be on the lookout for a double-crossing wolf.
Again, I personally do not see any problem with any grannies selling marijuana from their tiny cottages if it’s on their own property, they grow it themselves, and do not employ any underage children, such as Little Red Riding Hood.
As for the wolves getting off scott free, I believe there is a clause in the Oklahoma law that states that wolves fall under the same clause as bears which states that “bears have the right to bear arms” which is similar to our own human law that states we all have the right to “arm bears.” I believe that wolves, in this clause, are exempt from prosecution for marijuana possession if they live in the woods and do not actually grow it themselves.
(Oklahoma case in point: # 1952936: State of Oklahoma vs Big Bad Wolf) At which time a wolf, (unnamed) was cited for a home invasion based on the testimony of one “Red Riding Hood” and at which time named wolf was in possession of one gram of marijuana, several home-baked cookies, and a granny receipt for the marijuana. Based on the flimsy evidence, and the fact that the evidence, (marijuana) was actually contained in the cookies, the wolf was cleared of any charges. He was however fined $50 for aggravated assault on a granny.
There are other cases of grannies involved in the selling of marijuana as well. In the United Kingdom, 68-year-old Patricia Tabram was charged with intent to supply when authorities found marijuana plants in her home. I think she tried to pass them off as Poinsettias but the cops didn’t buy it.
In Tennessee, an elderly couple was busted for selling prescription drugs, and in Britain an 83-year-old, Francis Cook, was busted and is believed to be Britain’s oldest drug dealer.
So, what does this all mean folks? It means that ya don’t have to go to a seedy street corner in the dead of night to buy a joint or two. Simply hang out at your local senior center, nightly bingo, or retirement community and you’re sure to score some really good home-grown stuff.
Personally, I see a new version of “Little Red Riding Hood” hitting the bookstores very soon.
“Granny, what bigggg ears you have.”
“All the better to hear the narcs sneaking up on my cottage with my dear.”
“But granny, what big eyes you have.”
“All the better to keep an eye out for any narcs in wolves clothing my dear.”
“But granny, what big hands you have.”
“All the better to roll more than one joint at a time my dear.”
“But granny, what a big mouth you have.”
“Ya know, you’re really beginning to piss me off ya little goody two shoes. Here, smoke this and chill out for cripes sake.”
And they lived happily ever after.
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