Secret Service Agents Couldn’t Keep Their Secret….In Their Secret Undercover Pants

It’s pretty bad when you’re a Secret Service Agent on duty in Columbia and you’re supposed to be protecting the President of the United States by being secretly hiding in bushes and trees, which is where I guess you’re supposed to hide if you’re supposed to be secret, and, then get caught secretly messing around with prostitutes in secret. WTF!

Typical Secret Service agent. As you can see it is very difficult to spot a Secret Service agent in a crowd. Which is why they dress very inconspicuously.

First of all, in defense of these agents, they “were” off duty, so I would assume that if you’re “off duty” you really don’t have to be all that secret. Kinda like Batman and Robin when they don their civilian clothes and want to seek out prostitutes. You know how it is when you’re a super hero and you want to go out for a night on the town, or “on” a prostitute, ya just can’t score if you look conspicious….especially in a Batman and Robin outfit.

Anyhow, twelve Secret Service agents, whom I guess were not dressed in their Secret Service outfits, (suit, dark glasses, Secret Service lapel pin and a bigggg gun under their suit) were relieved, after having sex…um….wait….no, that’s not right….sorry….what I meant to say was, “were relieved of duty amid accusations of misconduct that are said to have involved prostitutes.”  (really gotta get a new set of bifocals)

The misconduct, according to “The New York Times” and reporters Jacke Calmes and Matt Flegenheimer, (gensdundeight) is said to have occurred before President Obama arrived in Cartagena, Columbia on Friday for a meeting with 30 world leaders. None of whom, as far as I or those reporters can determine, met with any prostitutes.

BUT…..pay attention to the talking heads on social media sites and some news organizations who will ultimately attempt to link this to Obama.  Which is the normal thing to do if you dislike Obama. Or prostitutes.

What I don’t get is how these Secret Service guys, who are used to being secret, and secretly do things in secret couldn’t secretly sneak into a house, or building, or perhaps a tent, (we are after all talking about Columbia) and secretly enjoy an evening of friendly conversation and sex, (they really have biggggg guns) without being caught. For cripes sake, they’re the damn Secret Service!

If ya can’t even have secret sex when you’re a Secret Service agent how the hell can ya secretly protect the President? See……now your secret’s out. Among other things that were “outed” during that incident.

“Geez agent Grosznick, you really do have a bigggggg…um……gun!”

“Yeah honeeee. Ya wanna see the one that fires real bullets?”

This is either one of the Colombian hookers posing with a biggg Secret Service agent's gun, or...Jane Fonda in the movie Barbarella.

A Secret Service spokesman, Edwin M. Donovan, (a person who spokes for the Secret Service but is not secret himself) acknowledged that agents had been recalled, (like in new car recalls with defects) because of accusations of misconduct and that they would be replaced by other secret Secret Service personnel, but he did not address the “issue” of prostitution.

Which I, if I had been the spokesperson, would not have either because I have no “issues” with prostitution. Other than the rising costs of prostitution these days what with the economy in the tanks and the high cost of living.

His comment: “The Secret Service takes all allegations of misconduct seriously.” (they really are a bunch of serious guys if you manage to spot any of them in a crowd) He added: “The matter has been turned over to the agency’s “Office of Professional Responsibility.”  Which, I assume, is an office dedicated to seeing that professionals, such as Secret Service Agents and prostitutes act responsibly.

By the way, for the record, if anyone is keeping such a record of these things, prostitution is legal in Columbia. And I think they do accept MasterCard, Visa, Discover, and Capital One cards.

“Hey….what’s in your wallet?”

“Oh nothin’…..just a condom.”

So, all in all, men will be men, and boys will be boys when away from home. As I’ve said countless times in these blogs, men are slugs regardless of their status in life. Secret Service agents are no different from the rest of us sex on the brain males. The difference being that no one, except our wives, girlfriends and mistresses give a rats ass if we get caught in a house of prostitution with a prostitute. Unless…..we were caught in a house of prostitution with a Secret Service agent….then it might get a little tacky and very hard to explain.

So, in conclusion, these agents will most likely be reassigned to other secret duties which will have nothing to do with protection of the President. Perhaps protecting the Presidential dog from other stray dogs which may be in heat.  Or being reassigned to some remote place like Supai, Arizona, population 423.

“Soooooooo agent Grosznick, welcome to Supai. Nice to finally have our own Secret Service agent assigned to protect our little town……anything we can do for you to make your stay more comfortable?”

“Yeah, ya got any houses of prostitution here?”

“Um, no…but…there’s a really nice risqué “Hooters” restaurant just 400 miles down the road and the waitresses really know how to keep secrets. Why just the other day I tried to get one of them to tell me the secret sauce they use in their hamburgers and they…………………….”

“Um….never mind buddy.”

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Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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