I Went To “Staples” and They “Stapled” Me!

Did ya ever see the ad on television for “Staples” the office supply store? You know, the one where all ya have to do is push the “easy button” (pictured) and you get things automatically. They make it seem so simple in their ads.  In other words, “poof” you get what you want in an instant.  Which, for the most part is true if you go to a Staples because they DO have a good supply of whatever it is to make you survive here on earth. God knows you can’t survive without office supplies.

Anyhow, not really having an office per se, or per not, I usually venture to Staples to do some shipping now and then. Black market stuff, drugs, ammo, the usual stuff one would ship at Staples. (only kidding folks, I usually just ship my trash rather than the expense of going to the dump every week) Besides, the ambiance is much better at Staples than at the dump. And the dump attendants love getting mystery packages.

Anyhow, my other half had to fax some documents. (fax….is what you do when you can’t use e-mail to send a document because the person or firm you’re sending the documents to have not weaned themselves off of actual paper)

So off we went to Staples to fax some documents which in reality, if I were to actually drive those documents to where they were going would be a total round trip of 14 miles. Most likely costing me a total of say four or five dollars worth of gas and at the same time be entertained by listening to PBS on the radio and the program “Prairie Home Companion,” which, Staples does not offer while you’re faxing anything.

Sooooooo. We had 10 copies to fax. Staples prices are as follows. $1.49 for the first copy and $1.29 for each additional copy. Which, prompted us both to say to one another…..WTF!!!  Then turned and left saying, “WHAT!  Are they nucking futs!”

Consider that we had to fax two sets of copies for a total of $26.20. HEY…that’s a damn Big Mac meal at McDonald’s for cripes sake! And with fries and a shake!

So, being the usually calm person that I am, after storming out of the store and lighting a cigarette with the fire and steam coming out of my head, I came home and decided to bang off a letter to the President of Staples. Whose name is not “Obama” but WAS, I think, born in the U.S.  I’m not sure considering his response, which was, (an excerpt below)

“Thank you for taking the time to contact Staples regarding the copy center pricing in our store. I did review the copy order specifications that were provided and have verified that the price you were charged is correct based on Staples current copying rates.”

Now folks, I specifically used the word “FAX’ in my original e-mail. Obviously he didn’t understand the facts of using a fax and thought “faxing” meant making a copy when indeed I DID use the word “FAX” which leads me to believe that he has no freakin’ idea what the hell a fax is in deference to making a copy. Obviously HE does not have one of those Staple’s buttons. Or any clue as to what a fax machine is.

However, with regard to my “copy” issue, he went on to say:

“The Senior Management Team from our Business Services Department is currently reviewing the pricing strategy at our copy centers.  We understand that customers, such as you, would like to receive lower prices.  Rest assured, this team is carefully examining the feasibility of offering some type of large order discount in the future.”

So, I need to be “rest assured.” Rest assured that they will review the pricing strategy at their “copy” (must be the same as a fax) center and that perhaps they will examine the “feasibility of offering some type of LARGE order discount in the future.”

LARGE!……LARGE!  WTF!  How large of a discount could I possibly get for ten freakin’ pages!  It’s not like I’m Bank of America ordering several thousand copies of foreclosure documents.

“Hmmm, Mr. Misfit, we see that today you’re faxing three documents, which we here at Staples consider to be a rather large order. And because you are a valued customer you will get a one cent discount and this here replica of the “Staples” button to take home as a memento and a token of our appreciation for your business.  Because, as you very well know, corporations ARE people, just like you and I.” (Mitt Romney quote)

THEN IT HIT ME!  Mitt Romney=Bain Capital=Burger King, Burlington Coat Factories, Dominos, Dunkin Donuts, Toys-R-Us, The Weather Channel, and….and…(gasp)…”STAPLES.!!!! OMG!!!

NOW I completely understood those fax fees. It’s to cover reinvesting in their other companies so THEY can survive. More pickles on burgers at Burger King’s, heavier coats at Burlington Coats, a few extra pieces of pepperoni on a Domino’s pizza, and extra Lego or two piece in a set of Lego’s at Toys-R-Us, that free “Splenda” at Dunkin Donuts you get with your coffee, and the most obvious of all, “weather” from the Weather Channel….it’s FREE.  Yeah, step outside…..FREE WEATHER courtesy of Bain Capital, (Staples) and the Weather Channel. FREE!!!

So now I don’t feel so bad folks.  Now that I realize I’m getting more for their high faxing fees from Staples for just a piece of paper that goes into a machine and winds up someplace else with little or no effort other than a local phone call with a push of a few buttons. Surely THAT’S definitely worth $26.10

AND……..I got this here neat “Staples” easy button!

Where MisfitWisdom eventually found an affordable fax machine.

(DONATE)  The ever unpopular MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy or fax the link into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. This service is provided free of charge with no hidden cost of $1.49 for the first initial donation and $1.29 for each additional donation.  AND…ya don’t even need an “easy” button. Take THAT Staples!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=WMX97PQERTH48

P.S.  If you won the MegaMillions jackpot last night……congratulations and…………..why the hell are ya reading this blog?

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to I Went To “Staples” and They “Stapled” Me!

  1. Janet says:

    I had a very similar experience at staples. I called the corporate number and was transfered to the same department you stated and was basically told the same thing. It’s rediculous. In this day and age, there’s no reason why fax prices should be so high. It ended up costing me $26 to fax 10 pages. I’m guessing this article is older, so no, they haven’t worked out their “pricing strategy.” I told the guy that I had been on their website designing a 100 + page document to be printed and bound and it costed less than the faxes, even using the Web application which is newer technology. Their fax “pricing strategy” is just bad business. No longer giving staples my business.

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